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Ask HN: Building a startup while working elsewhere and parenting?

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Re: Ask HN: Building a startup while working elsewhere and parenting?

#41

Post by danieltrembath »

jenshk wrote: post #15

Founder in my 40s here. "1 toddler and another child is coming" - Then you want to work one and a half or maybe two jobs? Unless your wife is Superwoman, sounds like a divorce to me. Wait until your kids are in school and more independent. In the next few years, your wife and kids need you. There are plenty of successful founders in their 40s. In fact the average age of the successful founder is 44. Plenty of time! F…

Small software business owner/developer echoing the others here.

I'm 40+ and have a child under 4. When they were born I cut my work back to 1/3 so that I could be a home dad.

It's the best decision I ever made and well worth the (real) financial pain. I can't convey in this text box how fulfilling being a dad has been. This is a time and joy you can never get back. Your kid will be better off from time they spent with you than what the money could have bought.

Raising a kid is a never ending exhausting slog. Two parents that can do everything means you can both get some mental respite. I'm sure our relationship would be worse now if I'd been away working every day. You get to know a lot of other parents and the tension provider/parent puts on relationships is real.

There are downsides. With my wife and I both working part time (nights, naps, 2 days of kinder) we are going backwards financially, but we will survive until school when I'll go back full time. I'm extremely grateful to work in an occupation where that's even possible.

Re: Ask HN: Building a startup while working elsewhere and parenting?

#42

Post by ezekg »

lxe wrote: post #11
ezekg wrote: post #9

I'm 30, I have a wife, a toddler and another child on the way as well. I'm not sure I would classify my solo bootstrapped business as a "startup", but bootstrapping a business with a family is definitely doable. I ran my business on the side for years before reaching the point where I could do it full-time. I work 7am–6pm most days, and never work on weekends unless things "break." I try my best to prioritize my fami…

7am–6pm sounds a bit like "grind"

With a 2 hour lunch with the family, not really. But to each their own. :)

Re: Ask HN: Building a startup while working elsewhere and parenting?

#43

Post by fsvavsd »

jenshk wrote: post #15

Founder in my 40s here. "1 toddler and another child is coming" - Then you want to work one and a half or maybe two jobs? Unless your wife is Superwoman, sounds like a divorce to me. Wait until your kids are in school and more independent. In the next few years, your wife and kids need you. There are plenty of successful founders in their 40s. In fact the average age of the successful founder is 44. Plenty of time! F…

Here is a counter point, do startup if you think you cannot handle kids.

I have two under 3 years old kids. Working from home during pandemic, helping my wife and managing two kids brought me to the edge of my sanity. The worst thing is tantrums, high pitched screams would leave me physically exhausted within a few minutes. I started to drink more often.

I didn't think I could continue to work from home with kids in the house. I was ready to quit and figured it won't look so bad to have a gap on your resume during pandemic. But then instead I got second part-time job as a junior developer.

This gave me real excuse to avoid managing kids during work hours, and then later night. I spend 5-8pm with my kids and I have more energy and it is much higher quality time with them. After putting them to sleep and watching some TV with wife, I go back to work. I wake up more refreshed than when I was going to bed early. Pure coding is almost meditative for me, so maybe that's why I feel more rested.

Also extra money allowed us to hire babysitter who can assist my wife during the day and we still have extra money after babysitter's expenses. We also got cleaners, started to send laundry out, ordered in more food, enrolled kids in various day camps or classes.

But this is not really apples to apples comparison, startups are a lot harder than a job as a junior developer. And if your startup is not bringing in cash, you may not have enough of extra money to hire help, which may strain your relationship.

Re: Ask HN: Building a startup while working elsewhere and parenting?

#44

Post by muzani »

There are many ranges of startups. I've been able to do one with a toddler and kids and a full time job. It's a light one, and I just had to sacrifice some entertainment time and get up earlier. Lockdown has given me more time too.

There's plenty of examples of lighter companies you can do on Indie Hackers. But generally, it's the ones which aren't profitable enough to be seed funded or too risky to the point that you wouldn't jump into it full time. If you're making a SaaS or a Instacart, you won't be able to manage that part time.

Some old problems might be worth it. For example, Android still doesn't have a good note taking app. It's a problem old enough that nobody is going to fund it.

And if it doesn't work out, at least you've done a little research and can get a head start once your kids are a little older.

Re: Ask HN: Building a startup while working elsewhere and parenting?

#45

Post by natalyarostova »

fsvavsd wrote: post #43
jenshk wrote: post #15

Founder in my 40s here. "1 toddler and another child is coming" - Then you want to work one and a half or maybe two jobs? Unless your wife is Superwoman, sounds like a divorce to me. Wait until your kids are in school and more independent. In the next few years, your wife and kids need you. There are plenty of successful founders in their 40s. In fact the average age of the successful founder is 44. Plenty of time! F…

Here is a counter point, do startup if you think you cannot handle kids. I have two under 3 years old kids. Working from home during pandemic, helping my wife and managing two kids brought me to the edge of my sanity. The worst thing is tantrums, high pitched screams would leave me physically exhausted within a few minutes. I started to drink more often. I didn't think I could continue to work from home with kids in…

I cannot believe this works for you, hahaha, but I’m glad it does. Nice!!

Re: Ask HN: Building a startup while working elsewhere and parenting?

#46

Post by softwaredoug »

Not a startup, but on the birth of my second kid I committed to writing a technical book. About as hard as having a kid in my experience :) I averaged 60 hour weeks for about 1.5 years.

What made us not go insane was:

My wife was stay at home.

My wife supported what I was doing and bought in to the impact it could have on my career.

Grandparents nearby that regularly came to help out with the kids. My parents were very supportive (again they knew it would help my career)

I would wake up early on weekends and spend time with the kids so my wife could sleep in and have a break. This gave me 1-1 time with them. Usually I’d take them out of the house somewhere fun.

My main work wasn’t too intense. Indeed they even gave me some time to work on the book.

I’d say it’s doable if your full time job is laid back, your wife is fully onboard, and you have lots of extended family support. Even better if you can get your main job to invest or supportive!

Re: Ask HN: Building a startup while working elsewhere and parenting?

#48

Post by speedgoose »

I don't know how parenting will not take all of your energy. From the comments, it seems that people who say you can do it remove the parenting or the first job from equation. I don't know about your family, but I personally value more parenting than building a startup. You can do the startup later.

Re: Ask HN: Building a startup while working elsewhere and parenting?

#49

Post by math-dev »

jonplackett wrote: post #23
jenshk wrote: post #15

Founder in my 40s here. "1 toddler and another child is coming" - Then you want to work one and a half or maybe two jobs? Unless your wife is Superwoman, sounds like a divorce to me. Wait until your kids are in school and more independent. In the next few years, your wife and kids need you. There are plenty of successful founders in their 40s. In fact the average age of the successful founder is 44. Plenty of time! F…

This. You have to stop and ask yourself what it’s all for. What is the point of anything? For me kids filled in a large missing piece of the puzzle I couldn’t tell was missing. Your startup can happen any time. Kids happens once, maybe twice and you are going to want to be there. They’ll be in school so soon and then you’ll at least have a clear time in the day. The more time you spend with your kids the more you’ll…

> Misery is doing one thing while thinking about another.

That is a great quote!

Re: Ask HN: Building a startup while working elsewhere and parenting?

#50

Post by lamida »

softwaredoug wrote: post #46

Not a startup, but on the birth of my second kid I committed to writing a technical book. About as hard as having a kid in my experience :) I averaged 60 hour weeks for about 1.5 years. What made us not go insane was: My wife was stay at home. My wife supported what I was doing and bought in to the impact it could have on my career. Grandparents nearby that regularly came to help out with the kids. My parents were ve…

Writing book is my another bucket list beside building a startup. Speaking about scope, writing book is still hard but seems more doable than startup.

I remember have skim your book, although I didn't read every pages. But as any good technical book and as you said, not everyone are having sufficient energy to average 60 hour weeks for 1.5 years. Put aside they are also a parent. :)

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