Ask HN: I've realized I'm a bad software engineer and I'm over 30, what's next?

In a similar line of thinking to your Code Complete suggestion, a book like Architecture of Open Source Applications[1] might also be a good fit.

1 - http://aosabook.org/en/index.html

The question you need to ask is simple; What do you want to do?

Just because you've come to the realization that you're not a good coder doesn't mean you cannot become a good coder. Most of software engineering is not about being clever. It's about being well organized and paying attention to details. Experience is largely gained, and wisdom learned, from screwing up. Then being able to recognize the screw up and understand how to prevent it in the future.

I have a firm conviction that most people can become productive software engineers. The main impediment I've seen to getting better is lack of interest in programming or an inability to learn from past mistakes. This is why I gave your show of self reflection a +1. The fact that you are asking yourself this question, and doubting your ability, tells me you are willing and interested in learning from your mistakes.

Programmer Bob who outsourced his job was a model modern employee

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/jan/17/sacked...

Start by modifying other people's code - fixing bugs. When you have to write new code model it after other peoples' structures. Write comments for how the logic should work before you write the actual code.

You can get it working in one big method using hardcoded values, then slowly break it apart. It might be you just stopped your code at the first draft.

Alternately you can do product management. Being technical and doing product management means you can actually understand what is going on under the hood.

I'm barely sure what that actually means in practice, day-to-day. If that's really what it is, they should know how to help you get up to speed and understand your situation.

Your core feelings here (not to be dismissive) seem to be about them "finding out" and suddenly firing you. It's remotely possible they do that, but unlikely. Even if they do, it was just a company you don't qualify for. It doesn't diminish the previous work you've done.

There's a lot of advice here already about what to do within this company, so consider the worst case: you fail 2-3 more times and they ultimately fire you. You still have something to fall back on by going back to your previous work.