only advice to both parents: take as much time out of work as you can.
Kids grow quickly, and they feel stress. It’s good for you and your kids that you have a lot of time for them and for yourselves.
Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
41–50 of 114 posts
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#42There are so many articles, books and what not out there on the subject. The best thing I did was not read any of it. Many first time parents have a consistent feeling of ‘doing it all wrong’. The more you read, the more you’ll just feed that emotion. Best thing, IMHO, is to just approach it like the child itself: figure it out as you go and enjoy every micro second of it. Be in the moment.
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#43I strongly recommend the book The Nurture Assumption by Judith Harris. It has done more to shape my mindset about being a parent than anything else I have read. You could also wait a few years to read it, as it is more relevant once your child is old enough to start having social interactions outside the home.
Honestly, the changes in my marriage were much more difficult to handle than actually being a parent. You and your spouse (assuming you are married) will change as individuals once you become parents, and issues that never came up before may suddenly feel like relationship deal-breakers. I have no advice to offer because frankly I didn’t handle it well—just a word of caution.
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#44Kids need A LOT of sleep; more than you think. I would say that 80% of the time you see a kid crying or throwing a tantrum, it’s a combo of not having enough sleep and not having the emotional toolkit or communication skills to express their needs. My single recommendation is to get your child on a sleep schedule and stick with it aggressively. Check out the book: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth. BTW,…
Fully agree— routine is important starting around 4-6 months. As is often said, well rested babies sleep better.
I also recommend “Happiest Baby on The Block” by Harvey Karp. Read one or two of these types of books but don’t go overboard.
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#45The best resource I stumbled upon that I now recommend to everyone is Brain Rules for Baby. It's an evidence-based guide from the prenatal period through basically age 5. And it has key tips for parents, reminding you that maintaining your own relationship as partners will be surprisingly challenging. http://brainrules.net/brain-rules-for-baby
I like that book, too. There were two others that we thought were helpful:
"The Baby Owner's Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance" which is just an overall guide to everyday things you have to do (and it's pretty funny.)
"Precious Little Sleep" on improving our sleep situation.
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#46We did a local "parenting course" (changing diapers, putting on clothes on a new-born, etc.). Its main purpose in fact was to get us to calm down and listen to the baby instead of all the advice.
And that's what I want to say to you: Forget about all the things people tell you. Most certainly, it won't apply to your kid. Just stay calm, you're in charge, the kid will need you calm, everything is new to him/her as well. It's OK to be overwhelmed. Be authentic, slow down, and you'll get through it together, just stay calm.
These small helpless creatures are significantly more empathic and sensible than we imagine. Try to listen. Some parents know the difference in cries for "hunger", "poop", "sleep" after days, some not even after weeks.
Also, if the baby is unhappy: Try "hunger", "poop", "sleep" in that order. That will be the only things they care about for the first few weeks. Warmth/cool is your business anyway, they can't feel it the way we do. Otherwise it just needs you to be there and keep him/her safe.
And don't overstimulate. They were in a bathtub for the first 9 months. Give them time, shut off most noises and other stimuli. Put your smartphones away and on vibrate, pause netflix, there is no point in watching TV anyway, dim the lights, don't expose them to noisy baby-toys etc.
You'll be fine.
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#47Prepare? That's adorable. Everything you think you know about parenting will be routinely debunked (by your child) every six months for the rest of your adult life.
The good news is if you remain humble and work on managing your emotions everything will turn out fine.
When in doubt just make sure they know they are loved.
Source: My kids (5, 13, 18) seem to be turning out ok.
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#48Read "What to Expect When You're Expecting", looked around at the baby store, maybe did a little research if I saw something interesting, talked to other new parents, talked to the OB, selected a pediatrician prior to the due date, went to a class recommended by the OB where they teach you how to swaddle and do some other basic tasks. It's pretty easy. You get ready really quickly because you don't have a choice. Don…
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Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#49Kids need A LOT of sleep; more than you think. I would say that 80% of the time you see a kid crying or throwing a tantrum, it’s a combo of not having enough sleep and not having the emotional toolkit or communication skills to express their needs. My single recommendation is to get your child on a sleep schedule and stick with it aggressively. Check out the book: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth. BTW,…
This * a lot. I have 5 kids (2 in grad school during PhD).
Ages 0-3 are when kids need physical order in their lives (they will spontaneously separate colors, they misbehave less when they get enough sleep at routine times, eat at routine times in routine places, etc.)
Ages 3-6 are when they start wanting order in the mind and care less about physical order and routines.
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#50I had my first child several days ago. I am half asleep typing this. This isn't preparation as much as it is a warning. Here's what I think I have learned so far and what I didn't know: 1. The lactation specialists at the hospital can be rude, aggressive, and pushy. Or at least come off that way when you're pissed and desperate to get your child some food. We have ran into many issues breastfeeding and the lactation…
My wife had a lot of difficulty with breastfeeding for the first month, and our experience with lactation specialists was mixed. Several were horrible like the ones you described. One was amazing and her primary advice was "feed your baby", formula was fine. Her other primary advice was "take care of yourself" such as using nipple shields. Not only can the nipples be sore, but too much damage can lead to more serious complications. Everything else could be fixed/improved over time. Sometimes the baby is tongue-tied, like ours, and the breastfeeding advice is unlikely to work until that is fixed. Again the lactation specialists didn't think to look for that except the amazing one.
BTW Congratulations!