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Ask HN: How do you guys develop mental toughness?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you guys develop mental toughness?

#41

Post by ForHackernews »

I really recommend "The Art and Craft of Problem Solving" by Paul Zeitz, who coached the winning USA team in the International Math Olympiad: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/593458.The_Art_and_Craft...

One of the things he focuses on is repeatedly challenging yourself with problems you don't know how to solve, and to stick with them and keep trying different angles and approaches. Even if you don't make progress, you'll be conditioning yourself to tolerate longer periods spent working the problem without a payoff.

Re: Ask HN: How do you guys develop mental toughness?

#42

Post by anotheryou »

Go meta. for love, health and existential fears it won't necessarily help, but everything else can't be that important.

trying to take a step back is helpful to find solutions and underlying problems anyways.

for "interpersonal hardening" it helps to understand why others act the way they do (for negative behavior it's usually fear once you dig deep enough)

for myself I approach it slightly different: I don't fight my feelings, even if it needs secretly shedding a tear at home. only after having dealt with the emotions I can again take a step back, analyse causes and consider actions.

and lastly: find someone to talk to. this could even be an anonymous internet friend, if you are not comfortable sharing things with someone close by. they can assure you you are not alone and automatically have a healthy outside perspective.

edit: and I actively avoid unnecessary social stress (toxic people, unhealthy hierarchies or simply the social pressure in some sorts of group work if not worth the pain (playing in a lovely band: yes! half assing a shared side project you are not really on to: no!))

Re: Ask HN: How do you guys develop mental toughness?

#44

Post by sametmax »

cperciva wrote: post #26
whack wrote: post #24

Some ways of putting psychological stress on yourself: - Public speaking - Taking on leadership roles - Do things that are counter to your personality. Eg, if you're shy, force yourself to talk to strangers on the street - Put yourself in situations where you will probably face rejection - Do things that will make you stick out. Eg: showing up at work one day in a suit when everyone else is wearing t-shirts. Or vice-…

- Take a flight to a random foreign country where you don't know the local language, and where most people don't know English. No hotel reservations in advance, no laptop, no smartphone, minimal budget. Figure out how to survive and visit the city's major landmarks over the following 5 days. Bonus points if it's a developing country This could result in you being more than just psychologically uncomfortable. Tourists…

Most of the time, just google an address before leaving, and gives that to the border, saying you will "hand around visiting". I've set foot in almost 30 countries so far, this has never been a problem.

Re: Ask HN: How do you guys develop mental toughness?

#45

Post by vitomd »

Learn Stoicism.

My favorite classic is Enchiridion by Epictetus and Letters from a Stoic by Seneca. For a more modern approach: The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking by Burkman

PD:I compiled a list of quotes from the best books http://arandomquote.com/categories/stoic/

Re: Ask HN: How do you guys develop mental toughness?

#47

Post by dtujmer »

fluffet wrote: post #35
MediumD wrote: post #22

Practicing MMA (but any single art like Boxing, Wrestling, Muy Thai, etc would work) has definitely boosted my mental toughness. Once you step into a ring with someone who is trying to attack you, and come out okay, you realize you can handle pretty much anything. Even if you don't spar, simply motivating yourself to go to practice can be tough. If you can walk into a room knowing you're going to be pinned and choked…

I agree with this 100%. Though I only do grappling and not any striking (BJJ and Submission Wrestling). When I did my first competition, locking eyes with my opponent knowing he will do everything he can do to choke me, break my joints and knowing I voluntarily put myself there, it changed me :) I especially like how you frame your last sentence. Since martial arts can sometimes be uncomfortable physically, like you…

"Once you've wrestled, everything else in life is easy."

The entire experience, from the first days when I got triangled by girls half my size (choking my ego as much as choking my body), to competition days, with pressure passers and crazy leglock guys... It absolutely changed me - for the better.

Re: Ask HN: How do you guys develop mental toughness?

#48

Post by mcv »

i_dont_know_ wrote: post #38

I'll give you the same advice everyone else is, but word it slightly differently, because thinking this way really helped me: Be OK in your own vulnerability. 'Toughness' implies some sort of everything-proof shield that you expose to different stimulus to gain 'immunity' from it. I've seen advice that follows this line of thought: eg you quit bathing for a week and become 'immune' to some specific social judgements,…

I think this is the best advice.

I did not go this route; I developed my own form of mental toughness. I used to be insecure as a kid, and some other kids picked on me, and eventually I learned to not care what other people thought. Especially if their opinion leads them to be negative about vulnerable people, it's their opinion that sucks, not the vulnerable people. So ignore that stupid opinion.

This has worked very well for me, but at the same time, I worry if I'm not too detached from other people, from their emotions, and from my own. My empathy exists mostly on an intellectual level, and not really an emotional level.

So it works, but now that I read your comment, I think it may not be the best outcome. Embracing vulnerability, your own and that of others, sounds like a better idea.

Re: Ask HN: How do you guys develop mental toughness?

#49

Post by mcv »

dopeboy wrote: post #33
cperciva wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

- Take a flight to a random foreign country where you don't know the local language, and where most people don't know English. No hotel reservations in advance, no laptop, no smartphone, minimal budget. Figure out how to survive and visit the city's major landmarks over the following 5 days. Bonus points if it's a developing country This could result in you being more than just psychologically uncomfortable. Tourists…

Yes on the visa point - can't be totally random. The rest you can. I'm about to embark on a 3 week trip through south east asia. Aside from my liveaboard where I'll be living on a boat and diving (which I have to book in advance), I haven't booked a single accommodation. It can be done; hostels all the way.

I did it with my wife when we visited Croatia ages ago. We only planned the flight there (to Split) and the flight back (from Zagreb), and we had to figure out how where to sleep and how to get everywhere. We visited the big island at the coast near Split, we visited Dubrovnic, the big nature park in the middle of the country. It was great. Not hard to do at all.

Though I expect some places outside Europe it might get a bit harder.

Re: Ask HN: How do you guys develop mental toughness?

#50

Post by random_kris »

tshanmu wrote: post #36

have a cold shower every day! (not in the tropics - I mean in places where a cold shower is genuinely uncomfortable) meditation

been doing this for past 10 days or so.... I can't exactly say what is better but I feel like I am overall 10-20% better than before. With meditation I do wim-hof breathing for 20minutes every morning
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