Ask HN: Resources for introverted devs to learn workplace politics?

1) Apply your normal engineering problem solving skills. This can be solved like any other problem. Say you’re bad at a certain type of math problem what do you do? Practice and apply trial and error. What’s your strategy? What worked and what didn’t?

2) You need to brute force it. You probably have a tendency to avoid social situations instinctively or anything that might lead to a social interaction. Stop doing this. Whenever a possibility of social interaction arises, force yourself to do it. Even if it’s painful just look at it as training.

3) If you brute force it long enough eventually you end up loosening up and becoming a more fluid, relaxed, and confident person.

I'm sorry I can't remember the exact title but i read a book on non-verbal communication a while back that was really helpful for learning to read body language and helping me adjust my own body language to come across as more friendly. It's really surprising how much just changing your posture and paying attention to your facial expressions really helps with talking to people. It also helps you pick up on their emotinal state whether they're nervous or anything. Any book that teaches those concepts should help.

Also, not really a resource but something a friend of mine told me years ago that always stuck with me and really helped me with the way I am around people. She told me being shy and introverted isn't much different than being arrogant. It means you're more concerned about the way your words or actions will be perceived by other people instead of actually paying attention to other people. Most people, even extroverted people, get nervous talking to people, especially strangers. The way I see it other people are just as nervous talking to me so it is kinda selfish to sit there and be introverted and make other people reach out to me or talk to me. I've tried to keep this inind over the years when I meet or talk to people and it's helped. Even if i'm uncomfortable in a situation just understanding that whoever i'm talking to probably is also and it helps me relax and usually being relaxed helps the other person relax and where I used to have a lot of awkward conversations with people I find they flow more naturally now the less I worry.

I would encourage you to find a mentor who understands you. You'll be pleasantly surprised at how many engineers identify with the story you told.

I think it's harder to "pick-up" the skills by reading generic, broad advice in the form of blogs, books, and more effective to find a person you can trust, who can give you advice on how to handle real situations you're going through.

You'll be happier/more effective in the short term (as the mentor will guide you through these interactions), and you'll see the patterns of how to deal with these situations over the long term (picking up the skills).

You'll pick up the skills faster than you think! Good luck! :)

Sounds like your problem is more with taking action than having the right knowledge or intuition. Having worked in consulting a bit, you come to understand effective communication is something you just have to do, it's what you're selling. If you had a feeling the "spec" wasn't quite accurate and still set out on just following it - guess what? You messed up. Someone else wouldn't and that makes them better.

You can be an introvert, you might be shy, awkward, whatever. But do you want to do a good job or not? They aren't mutually exclusive.

When all you need to do is say something or ask questions - it doesn't matter if you're a smooth talker or a total mess. What matters is doing it.

It's just life at tech companies. You can muddle through it as long as there is a minimum of actively toxic, sabotaging, ruthless political people. At some places there are too many to make it worth it and you have to find another job. A good resource is saving up enough money so you can tell a job to bugger off if you need to.