It sounds like you already made the decision: you call one your 'employee', but not the other.
Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?
41–50 of 622 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?
#42Don't use a lawyer. Read the penal text. Make yourself an opinion. And act according to the rules and preferably use written procedures without shaming.
You can however make an "unrelated" meeting if you want to make yourself clear stating the law, and the process your company is following.
Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?
#43I'm not familiar with US customs, so little confused here: is asking your co-worker out is considered a sexual harassment? Or is it the "milf" part?
Not sure about asking a co-worker out, but calling someone a MILF (Mom I'd Like to Fuck) sounds like sexual harrassment to me.
I find it quite strange that you're getting downvoted for this comment. As a man, I wouldn't want to work at a place where such a comment wouldn't be considered harassment.
Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?
#44I really don't understand the environment around sex and relationships in the work place. It's messed up. Someone should be able to express interest and the other person should be able to refuse it. Simple as that. But instead there is a whole drawn out ritual around these things. It's not really grown up thing that adults do, instead any male is looked at as an aggressive offender looking to rape someone, unless the…
It's one thing to nurture a relationship with a coworker and have it develop into something bigger. It's carnal and rude to ask someone out when you've just joined the company. Like, have some decency to get your foot in the door before you whip your dick out.
I agree, but "rude" and "illegal" are two different things. I have never asked my-coworker out during my whole career as I deem it unprofessional, but don't see anything inherently bad about that.
Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?
#45When you say, referred to her as a milf, do you mean to her face? Or to someone else in a private conversation?
If you take that out of the picture, then talking on Whatsapp, and asking to hang out, and telling a secret, do not constitute any sexual harassment. This is particularly true if we are talking about just one conversation after which the person did not persist. Should investigate that milf comment, however.
I am rather surprised by the number of people just saying that he should be fired. Really? Showing the littlest bit of attraction and then getting shut down is not harassment. You want to take away a person's livelihood for that?
Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?
#46I really don't understand the environment around sex and relationships in the work place. It's messed up. Someone should be able to express interest and the other person should be able to refuse it. Simple as that. But instead there is a whole drawn out ritual around these things. It's not really grown up thing that adults do, instead any male is looked at as an aggressive offender looking to rape someone, unless the…
It is extremely common to date in the workplace. People express interest and people accept or refuse it all the time.
When there is kindness and respect involved there is no problem. We don't here about any of these events. It's simply normal human relationship building.
There is a line not to cross however. Harassment is a real thing that people do and nobody should have to deal with in a professional context.
Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?
#47Not a lawyer. When the female employee says she doesn't want to cause trouble, it just means that, if you are going to do something about this situation, then you better own it. Make this a problem between you and the employee who acted inappropriately. i.e. if/when he demonstrates understandable reasons for acting the way he did, you don't turn this around on her.
Respectfully, that's not the employee's decision to make.
What do you mean?
Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?
#48I really don't understand the environment around sex and relationships in the work place. It's messed up. Someone should be able to express interest and the other person should be able to refuse it. Simple as that. But instead there is a whole drawn out ritual around these things. It's not really grown up thing that adults do, instead any male is looked at as an aggressive offender looking to rape someone, unless the…
She did refuse a romantic involvement by stating up front that she was okay spending time outside of work as friends. That interaction is okay. But he kept going. It's the "kept going" that is sexual harassment.
Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?
#49By bringing it to you, it is now your problem. You can't have him on your team continuing to think what he did was ok.
At the very least you need to bring it directly to him.
Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?
#50I'm not familiar with US customs, so little confused here: is asking your co-worker out is considered a sexual harassment? Or is it the "milf" part?
Not sure about asking a co-worker out, but calling someone a MILF (Mom I'd Like to Fuck) sounds like sexual harrassment to me.
Don't know why you got downvoted, this is EXACTLY what MILF means.