Ask HN: Are you ok?

As a software developer myself, I always wondered why it is considered a stressful profession.

- Most of us aren't going to kill ourselves or others in case we screw up. The stakes may be higher for people working with safety critical systems, but such systems often have multiple safeguards.

- Most deadlines and time pressure are completely made up. So what if we don't deliver on time? It is not like the fate of the world depends on the new software version. It may be different for sysadmins though.

- We usually have some flexibility. We are not like bus drivers who will leave people stranded if we don't show up on time.

- Our skills are valuable, if you are somewhat competent, you are pretty much guaranteed to find work in your field. Maybe not a dream job, but at least something better than a minimum wage gig.

Maybe that's a combination of artificial pressure with a high concentration of people who have difficulty coping with stress. Anyways, I am not particularly stressed, and neither are most of my coworkers and friends working in the field. Some jobs look much worse to me: medical (people can die), construction (risky), art (highly competitive market), ...

I recently experienced months of sleeping problems. Where I wouldn't sleep for days. Or would sleep a few hours. I would be exhausted and my head would hit the pillow and BAM adrenaline and I can hear my heart pounding and I'm awake. It got so bad I would go into the basement and destroy a wall that I kept repairing. I would cry in frustration. I started to have suicidal thoughts. It was harming my marriage and made me a crappy father.

I've seen a psychologist before for other things but there's just something about me that makes me stubborn. I should have seen one again but I never got around to it. I kept self-justifying that "new idea X" would be what fixes the problem.

I think the issue was subconscious because if you asked, I couldn't tell you what was bothering me. But I think it might be about being this pillar of my family, the sole breadwinner, and had a toddler and a baby and a mortgage and a new remote job all within 2 years. Everything piles on and there's a ton of good reasons to feel anxiety.

Anyways, you know what ended up changing everything and making me sleep like a baby? World of Warcraft Classic. I used to never find time for gaming. Or games would never keep my attention. I would always wander off to the huge list of things I need to be doing to be a good worker, dad, housekeeper, husband. But I got into WoW for chuckles and got hooked on having 3 hours a night to just do stupid pointless stuff in a fantasy world. And now falling asleep feels so different. My brain is relaxed, replaying some of the moments from the video game in my daydreaming imagination. And before I know it, I wake up rested and energized and actually looking forward to experiencing the next day.

We must all speak for ourselves and not assume.

Thank you.

I've been through enough psychiatric care to know that the main prioritization is the welfare invested into me, not actually who "I" am. They don't care, and I get that. I've tried caring for those who are ill, it takes a heavy toll.

Always choosing to be positive is a main reason I am in the state I'm in. I was always smart enough to rationalize away any negative emotions and actions, which is why I'm not an addict, why I have a steady job and why everyone who meets me gets greeted with the biggest smile and great humor. But logic can't treat melancholia. It's highly illogical. And filtering negative emotions does not automatically leave positives, which I found out about when it was already far too late. Neutralization had become a habit. I wish I crashed in my teens and got help when it would be helpful.

But there's nothing i hate more than my own death, so I try to make the best out of it. I might not win all, but I'll avoid losing the game of life as long as I can.

I'm in the UK, but I don't doubt that the same feeling isn't felt in the US or in any other country