Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

Speaking as someone who has done both, you are wrong, it's a great place to start

I'd just buy a bike, mount panniers on it and explore the world.

But I am not good at advices.

Yes to your direct question.

I can only share from my own experience.

You have already made the biggest step by acknowledging how you feel. Seeking professional help is a must. One to one, in person, counselling was much, much better for me than reading advice online.

A good counsellor should help you untangle your thoughts and give you some structure. It will take time-it was in the order of decades for me, but I have underlying mental health issues anyway, but please do not put pressure on yourself for a quick fix. Be your own best friend and practice patience where you can.

There are always options-it might not seem like it to you now, but there is nothing set in stone for the rest of your life and how you want to live it. All things are possible. The road to those possibilities may seem like it runs into an abyss as your mind, right now, wants to take you down there.

During my trauma, I learnt that my mind was controlling me and not the other way around. My thinking was not rational, and I was reactive to internal stimulation-stuck in permanent fear mode from flight/fight thinking.

Calming the mind is hard work and not easy, but with help I was able to move forward. There were relapses aplenty. Be prepared for setbacks and acknowledge them as progression on the path to recovery, not as a stick to beat yourself with.

If I may, could I recommend some reading? During my worst, I was drawn to a feeling that I needed to wipe the thinking slate clean and gain insights into why I had such (recurring) suffering. I found texts from Eastern philosophy very helpful to help me gain mental discipline and open myself up critical deconstruction of myself so I could re-assemble with some tools for the future. Again, not an easy thing for me to do as it was hard to concentrate during those times but, eventually, it was easier.

I not asking you to embrace any spiritual beliefs as you can ignore those if they crop up in texts, but perhaps to extract any wisdoms and lessons that appeal to you and help you feel better.

Some of the books I found interesting; "The Power Of Now" - Eckhart Tolle, "How to Solve Our Human Problems: The Four Noble Truths" - Kelsang Gyatso, "Meditations" - Marcus Aurelius

It was a slow journey, but eventually I realised that my mind was keeping me in fear and at the centre of a worldview of insecurity, doubt, self hate and blame. Books like these led me to realise that that worldview was wrong and develop the mental discipline to be reflective and mindful.

I wish you every kindness wherever your path takes you. Be kind to yourself.

You need a partner. I'm only speaking from my own perspective but I used to think I was born to be a loner but having a partner awakens something in you, love basically. It's wonderful and it gives you a will to go on.

And I know it's a slog to meet someone, trust me I know. But you just have to do it. You have to make an effort and weed through dozens of weird dates before you meet someone.

For me it came completely unexpected. I had resigned myself to enjoying life, was at a computer festival and suddenly there she was.

I know several people who turned their life around at 40, in fact I used to say that it's a cut off point. If you haven't turned yourself around by then, you might just end up dead. I'm sorry to be so frank, but that was how I thought before I read your post so it has nothing to do with you.

But in my perspective it has been mostly career criminals and addicts. So that's where I'm coming from.

Indeed, the key concept is "good enough".