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Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

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Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#381

Post by aeternum »

gabereiser wrote: post #341
jemmyw wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To be fair to your mother, this particular advice and view was rampant when I grew up in the 80s/90s. My experience was that this is quite backwards. Physical altercations at school didn't hurt that much, but the name calling, social shunning and constant verbal put down was very painful and has affected my whole life.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will hurt for life” is how I used to say it. Never say anything that couldn’t stand as the last thing you say to someone. You’re words matter more than you realize.

Most people have never come anywhere close to being beat sufficiently to have a bone broken. I guarantee you words come nothing close to that experience.

Being beat to that extent can cause both physical and emotional pain for life.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#382

Post by mrj »

Tade0 wrote: post #172

My operating systems professor liked to engage his audience during lectures, so it was commonly more of a dialogue than a lecture. At one point he gave us some problem to consider, we didn't know what to make of it, so we started asking how to approach this. His reply: "You're asking me? Soon enough you'll be engineers. You're the experts people will come to for solutions." More of a reminder than advice, but it affe…

"Never explain yourself unless explicitly asked to."

Hm, I wonder what context you use this in? My experience has been different, that succinctly telling people about your motivations and thoughts, and truly being vulnerable, is an important part of forming relationships and preventing misunderstandings. And everything is relationships.

I've worked really hard to figure out how to be clearer with everybody in my life, which has improved things greatly. It's hard to understand other people's experiences and misunderstandings are rife. It doesn't mean that I'm asking for approval. I'm being more authentically myself. Relationships are weak without that vulnerability and shared understanding.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#383

Post by checkyoursudo »

JKCalhoun wrote: post #266
nkrisc wrote: post #192

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not caring what others think doesn’t mean you can’t “fit in.” Of course it sure doesn’t sound like that’s what she meant, but it’s still solid advice, I think. I do lots of things that basically boil down to “social lubricant.” I really don’t care what most other people think, but I still “play nice” when it’s low-cost and easy because makes everything easier. I won’t go out of my way or expend too much effort to ple…

It was also advice to Feynman from his wife, “What do you care what other people think?” :-)

I think this should also not be seen as free-reign to be an asshole. I live by a similar creed, but it is more nuanced.

I like to tell my children that they should not care about what other people think about who my children are as people, but that they should comport themselves in society with kindness and sincerity because that is the right way to behave.

Like, I literally could not care any less about what people think about who I am. I am just me, and I am fine with that. But I try, for my own sake, to be trustworthy, honorable, kind, and just.

The problem is when people take this mentality and justify it to act like a total dickbag.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#384

Post by garrickvanburen »

- if it has a deadline, it’s not your most important work.

- if you’re at your desk, it’s not your most important work.

- if you’re a contractor or consultant you’re delivering recommendations. Doesn’t matter what form it takes, it’s still just a recommendation. (And it likely matters little to the ongoing business relationship if they’re fully accepted/implemented or not)

- You are, and will always be, your biggest problem

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#385

Post by ornornor »

thebigspacefuck wrote: post #353
fluxinflex wrote: post #216

My most significant piece of advice came from my uncle. It was simply this "how would you feel if your grandmother died tomorrow?". It had an immediate effect. From that moment on I began to respect and honour my grandmother. Up until then I was not exactly the nicest grandchild, a lot of anger, a lot of confusion reigned in my childhood and my grandmother was the last in the chain. She ended up getting most of my fr…

Similarly I think “what if I die tomorrow”? This really helps me prioritize the experience I want from life over status, money, etc.

> what if I die tomorrow

Never quit e really got that one. If I were to die tomorrow, I’d spend most of my money and do too much drugs.

But what if I don’t die tomorrow? Then I’m broke and have a substance abuse problem. I don’t think that’s a particularly good way to make life choices personally.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#386

Post by carapace »

"Act like a dumb-ass and they'll treat you like an equal."

(However, that's not universally applicable.)

- - - -

My dad said, over and over again until I got it:

    A fool never learns.
    A man learns from his mistakes.
    The wise man learns from the mistakes of others.
(I retained the gendered pronouns to keep the flow of the English, no offense intended folks.)

You can't avoid making mistakes, not completely, but you can avoid a lot. Stand on the shoulders of giants, eh?

- - - -

Last but first, Love

Love is our obligation, our responsibility, our duty; it is our right, our riches, our panacea and cornucopia; love answers all things. Even time itself falls before love.

Remember love, remember to love.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#387

Post by tb_technical »

PaulHoule wrote: post #175
jemmyw wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To be fair to your mother, this particular advice and view was rampant when I grew up in the 80s/90s. My experience was that this is quite backwards. Physical altercations at school didn't hurt that much, but the name calling, social shunning and constant verbal put down was very painful and has affected my whole life.

I’d agree. I was hurt by bullying enough that if I had ever made it big I would have found the most outrageous bullying case I could find and try to sue a school district out of existence? Maybe if teachers thought they could lose their pension maybe they would put a stop to bullying.

I'm sorry that happened to you - I was bullied early in life too, and it's horrible.

It's frustrating that people downvoted your comment. It's a failure, from a lack of empathy, to understand that the reason you want to make an example of the school district is because you were one of the victims of bullying.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#389

Post by entropicgravity »

I read about a very capable young woman who was advised,"You should never work for a boss." She then decided to become a lawyer and eventually became a highly regarded judge. Young people should at least be aware that they might not be suited for "normal jobs" in organizations even if they are academically successful.
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