Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

Hi! I had similar situation. It was worse because the source of my professional and business envy was the my old friend and classmate. He built a successful IT business at 25, - in a country where it's very difficult to do. A self-made man. This fact made me nervous and caused a deep and long depression. I'm not ambitious in common meaning of this term but I think I'm smart enough and I always thought I'm smarter than others. And I'm also 80lvl procrastinator :) also now I'm 33.

The solution to the depression was external and not related to my 'career' (I'm self-employeed) or better self-organisation. Instead, the solution came with long-distance running, positive thinking and yoga. I healed mentally and now I'm much more stable. I use this guy and his success as a measure of how healthy I am. If I don't care - that means I'm ok. If I care about his 'success' - that means I should rest more, spend more time on open air or eat healthier food.

So I would recommend you to invest more in your mental health.

P.S. I work on several software projects but it's not a matter of amibiton, I just like what I make and want to made it better.

I've had the same issue in my career. I always thought of myself as lazy. I loved what I did, but my drive evaporated after 3-6 months on any given project (or any given hobby, for that matter). I always thought of people as falling along two spectrums: naturally talented and hard working. I saw that those young multi-millionaires generally had an overabundance of both. I've always seen that I have a whole lot of talent, but I simply couldn't find the motivation to work hard for extended periods.

After a decade of roller-coaster productivity, I finally went to see a therapist to discuss these issues. That was the best decision of my professional life. I was able to talk through my issues, but after a few months of behavioral changes (light box therapy, exercise, mindfulness, etc.), the issue, while better, was not fixed. So I was referred to a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with ADHD. I got a prescription for Adderall, which I've been on for the past 4-5 years now. It has turned my productivity and career around. I'm making twice what I was making 5 years ago and finally am seeing a lot of the potential that I and others saw in me finally being realized.

ADD (ADHD is the technical diagnosis, but I have no "HD" symptoms at all) isn't really about "having the attention span of a gnat"; it's about inability to sustain focused attention long term, about not being as excited by the last 20% of the project as you are about the first 80%, about not being able to get started--but once you did, it's usually interesting enough to keep your attention for the rest of the day. That definition certainly fit me.

The OP said a couple of comments above: "If you're depressed or socially anxious, you wouldn't just accept these as the way you are, would you?" Chances are that if you are depressed or socially anxious to a point that it affects your life in negative ways, you'd see a professional about the issue and may end up with medication to help with the issue. You don't just wish those conditions away; nor do you wish ADD symptoms away. I'd recommend considering talking to someone about your issues with productivity.

I'm not saying that it's for everybody, nor do I believe in overmedication, but from my experience, which sounds exactly like the OP's, it was the right choice for both me and my career.

I also agree with jeletonskelly here: to a certain extent, embrace your "laziness"... laziness leads to working smarter, not harder. Know your strengths and flaws and come up with a way to use both of them to your advantage.

Repeat after me: "I am a grave disappointment to myself, everyone who knows me, and most of those who do not." Keep repeating it until you have internalized it. It's remarkably liberating.

As much as some of my engineering friends hate to admit it, life is a self-graded test. If you're happy with where you are, ain't nobody can tell you you're wrong. If you're not, you are failing. And if you're not happy with what you've got, continuing to do the same thing won't help: you'll just get more of it.

And Nancy Sinatra in "You Only Live Twice":

  You only live twice
  Or so it seems
  One life for yourself
  And one for your dreams

Its use in the last episode of Mad Men -- where Don is watching a fired colleague contemplate the life not lived -- was brilliant.

Switch professions.