Ask HN: What is the best money you have spent on professional development? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: What is the best money you have spent on professional development?

#371

Post by jw1224 » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 7:46 PM UTC

bb123 wrote: post #346

jw1224 wrote: post #326

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Starting therapy earlier this year was possibly the best thing I’ve done for myself in years. It took about 3 months of weekly sessions to properly “notice” what a difference it was making, but now it’s blindingly obvious, and I’m so glad I did it. I found my therapist through https://www.bacp.co.uk/ — I’m not sure which country you’re in, but there’s bound to be similar directories out there. I set their filters to…

Is therapy the same as counselling?

There are many different types of therapy, of which counselling is one of them.

My therapist works specifically in “Person-centered therapy”: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/therapy-types/person-cent...

Re: Ask HN: What is the best money you have spent on professional development?

#372

Post by zibbity-rw » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 7:46 PM UTC

jkingsbery wrote: post #48

As many others have said, books are the best things I've spent money on, but let me say more: Do books sometimes say things that are obvious? Yes. For example, when I first read Martin Fowler's book Refactoring, I had been renaming variables and moving methods from one class to another for years. But he gave a new framework for thinking about something that obvious. I've found the idea of separating out my coding flo…

Yesss! Feel the same way about books on topics like Deep Learning, django, etc. Book form is much better.

Re: Ask HN: What is the best money you have spent on professional development?

#373

Post by munificent » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 7:46 PM UTC

kimjongtrill wrote: post #325

munificent wrote: post #315

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Imagine you've lived in the same house your entire life. There's a big couch taking up half the living room, but one of the legs is broken. When you were really little, it tipped over when you sat in it, so you just learned to walk around the couch over to the not-very-comfortable armchair and sit there instead. This was so long ago that you don't even remember learning not to sit in the couch. You don't think about…

this is such a good description of the process. i laughed and it also definitely stung a little bit :) therapy is 100% worth it

> also definitely stung a little bit :)

The sting is how you know it's working. :)

Re: Ask HN: What is the best money you have spent on professional development?

#374

Post by oneplane » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 7:46 PM UTC

azinman2 wrote: post #359

equality_1138 wrote: post #293

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Seconded. In particular, I've come to recognize the growing confluence of woke politics and tech management as major impediment on my ability to do my job well. Reading up on career coaching and psychology has certainly helped, but can also serve to overcomplicate the situation. My therapist provides highly personal and much more practical guidance in accepting the bs.

How do “woke politics” prevent you from doing your job well?

Generally they undermine patterns, and without patterns in our lives, life itself becomes quite the burden. When it happens but you aren't aware of it, you start to degrade in various ways and if you pile the unknownness (what is happening? why do I feel this way? why am I not getting done what I want to get done?) on top of it, it's not a fun time. At least, that's a factor I've read about recently; plenty more factors and angles. That's not to say that changing patterns is inherently bad, but changing too much at once or a change that must be synchronous and immediate vs. gradually and asynchronous are very different processes for us humans.

By the way, it might also be a misspelling (work politics vs woke politics); but coincidentally this applies there as well but to a lesser degree.

Re: Ask HN: What is the best money you have spent on professional development?

#375

Post by issa » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 7:47 PM UTC

Solvitieg wrote: post #368

locochef wrote: post #204

The single best thing I did for professional development was see a therapist. In tech, our jobs are knowledge-based. You can't hammer a nail into a board while you're sitting on the couch with your child, but you can certainly think about software architecture. I've found that my job bleeds into my personal life, and vice versa, and I believe it is far more common than most people realize. Stress piles up and it affe…

In Canada, therapy is very expensive. About $150/h in the major cities. Meanwhile all my American friends get free therapy. Weird how that breaks the narrative about US healthcare.

I don't know who these American friends that get free therapy are, but as an American, I've never heard of that. I do know people who pay two thousand dollars a month for health insurance for their family and it INCLUDES therapy. But that seems pretty different.

Re: Ask HN: What is the best money you have spent on professional development?

#376

Post by rapind » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 7:48 PM UTC

cannaceo wrote: post #141

athenot wrote: post #130

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The fun part is you can turn that technique against them and it works like a charm. I've repeated this a few times now: dedicate a day to car buying and call 10 of them up telling them I'm buying a car TODAY, with these precise specs. No upsells entertained. And I let them in on the fact that I'm calling all the others and expect to make a decision by a set time. Always remain super polite but stay firm. In a way I s…

A lot of car salesmen ignore buyers like this. They see it as a waste of time to get pitted against each other. I’ve gotten the best results by starting with the dealerships with the lowest prices on TrueCar and then baiting them to invest time in me. Then they’re more committed and eager to close. Show your teeth later in the negotiation.

Depends on inventory and the value of the salesman’s time. This can work if it means they don’t have to waste hours selling you.

The problem though is the lack of real commitment. If you can guarantee you really are going to buy a car today and really will take the lowest offer, plenty of dealers would reply. Without a guaranteed commitment it’s just a negotiating tactic and they know it.

If I’m a salesman I’m OK making less on a sale if my time investment is practically nothing.

There’s a service you can use that has a $500 service fee that will bid it out for you. Dealers will reply because they know you’re serious (otherwise you’re throwing away $500). I can’t say if you get a good deal, but you definitely get quotes.

Re: Ask HN: What is the best money you have spent on professional development?

#377

Post by oneplane » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 7:49 PM UTC

zestyping wrote: post #330

locochef wrote: post #204

The single best thing I did for professional development was see a therapist. In tech, our jobs are knowledge-based. You can't hammer a nail into a board while you're sitting on the couch with your child, but you can certainly think about software architecture. I've found that my job bleeds into my personal life, and vice versa, and I believe it is far more common than most people realize. Stress piles up and it affe…

I've spent a lot of time with therapists but they've only had the effect of being a sort of guard rail to keep me from falling too deep when I fall; it doesn't seem like they have helped me make any lasting improvements. Based on what I've heard from friends and on this thread, it sounds like it's possible to get a lot more out of talk therapy? What's your range of experiences been like with better or worse therapist…

Two cents: real change is not a lot of fun while it's happening, because change is hard, and makes some simple things take a lot more time and energy for a while.

Re: Ask HN: What is the best money you have spent on professional development?

#378

Post by weakfish » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 7:49 PM UTC

Solvitieg wrote: post #368

locochef wrote: post #204

The single best thing I did for professional development was see a therapist. In tech, our jobs are knowledge-based. You can't hammer a nail into a board while you're sitting on the couch with your child, but you can certainly think about software architecture. I've found that my job bleeds into my personal life, and vice versa, and I believe it is far more common than most people realize. Stress piles up and it affe…

In Canada, therapy is very expensive. About $150/h in the major cities. Meanwhile all my American friends get free therapy. Weird how that breaks the narrative about US healthcare.

Not sure how your friends are doing that. I had to stop therapy because I couldn't afford it.

Re: Ask HN: What is the best money you have spent on professional development?

#379

Post by allerhellsten » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 7:49 PM UTC

zestyping wrote: post #330

locochef wrote: post #204

The single best thing I did for professional development was see a therapist. In tech, our jobs are knowledge-based. You can't hammer a nail into a board while you're sitting on the couch with your child, but you can certainly think about software architecture. I've found that my job bleeds into my personal life, and vice versa, and I believe it is far more common than most people realize. Stress piles up and it affe…

I've spent a lot of time with therapists but they've only had the effect of being a sort of guard rail to keep me from falling too deep when I fall; it doesn't seem like they have helped me make any lasting improvements. Based on what I've heard from friends and on this thread, it sounds like it's possible to get a lot more out of talk therapy? What's your range of experiences been like with better or worse therapist…

I've seen three therapists. The first two were a complete waste of time, the third one completely changed my life for the better (incidentally, this started out as couple's therapy for my failed marriage).

It's basically like in any profession: 80% are mediocre, 10% are so bad you never want to try again and the last 10% are the gold you're searching for. There's also a question of whether you go along with a certain type of person, but there's also clearly excellence at work.

I knew I was onto something very early on. She went directly to work, stabbing into the wounds with massive empathy and brutal honesty. She described herself as her goal being "getting rid of me as soon as possible", which contributed to my trust in myself not just being a money cow for her. But the most starring fact was that I couldn't hide. She broke through all my layers and facades and went directly to the core issue of me not accepting myself as I am.

I think these are signals to watch out for (plus: a waiting list so long you usually don't get a place with the good ones), so good luck and YMMV. In any case, it's a pain finding a good therapist, but it's still worth it.

But before you get or continue a bad therapy experience, be sure to try out Leo Widrich and his blog. He's the only other therapist I didn't see who helped me grow to being a better version of myself.

Re: Ask HN: What is the best money you have spent on professional development?

#380

Post by baggachipz » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 7:49 PM UTC

dbancajas wrote: post #331

baggachipz wrote: post #115

Improv lessons. Seriously. Being confident speaking in front of others and the life lessons it provides ("yes, and") are absolutely indispensable. It brought me out of my shell and advanced me in my career significantly, all while having fun and making friends.

would you recommend it for someone who's generally not witty and takes at least 5 seconds to answer someone they don't know? basically i'm slow as hell in interactions, especially to new acquaintances.

Absolutely. Once you get over yourself, you may be surprised how witty you can be.