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Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

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341–350 of 567 posts

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#341
post #131

My mother told me to not care what other people thought. She also told me that words can't really hurt people ("sticks and stones..."). She also believed its "mean" to have any preference about people, calling it a version of "keeping score". In fact, "keeping score" was one of the worst things you could be accused of in my household. Her advice fails to accept the reality of social and emotional needs. It also fails…

To be fair to your mother, this particular advice and view was rampant when I grew up in the 80s/90s. My experience was that this is quite backwards. Physical altercations at school didn't hurt that much, but the name calling, social shunning and constant verbal put down was very painful and has affected my whole life.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will hurt for life” is how I used to say it.

Never say anything that couldn’t stand as the last thing you say to someone. You’re words matter more than you realize.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#342
post #14

Well not really changed my life, but somethings I frequently think and try to follow. Try to be nice and helpful to others. Nothing that you do or say will matter after a couple of hundred years. It’s better to regret something you’ve done, than something you haven’t.

> Nothing that you do or say will matter after a couple of hundred years. I don't think this is true at all.

If you have children and they have children, etc, then at least something you did will matter to someone.

It may never be written in history books but every person alive today has an unbroken string of “things done” that stretches back in time.

And even if you never had children, anything you did or said that resulted in someone else having children shook the pillars of history.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#343

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not to nitpick, but the words have no value. The value comes from what you or me assign to them. Certainly there are things in your past (or mine) that we heard and effectively ignored. But if heard again we'd laugh or cry. The point is, the meaning we attach to the words are literally in our heads. We determine the worlds they create. It's not the other way around.

> Not to nitpick, but the words have no value. The value comes from what you or me assign to them. I don't think this holds, otherwise every libel suit would be thrown out of court on the basis of "that's what you think it means". Not to mention that we have dictionaries that record the assigned meanings of words :-)

Libel cases aren’t about having your feelings hurt, it’s about reputation damage. Internal vs external.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#344
post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Nothing that you do or say will matter after a couple of hundred years. I don't think this is true at all.

Think of all the people alive 200 years ago. I would say that, for the overwhelmingly vast majority, nothing they said or did matters now.

The most memorable thing most normal people could do is change their last name before having children.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#345

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Suing to threaten the pensions of underpaid teachers. Makin’ a difference in the world.

Does raise an interesting question, though: Is it the teachers' or the parents' responsibility to teach manners to a child? Isn't this something that you'd pick up at home first, before ever stepping a foot into an institutionalized pedagogical setting? Perhaps instead of suing the entire school district, GP should rather sue the parents of the offending child? /s To remove the tongue from the cheek, though, and prov…

100% the parents… teachers can influence but it’s the parents legal responsibility to not raise a monster.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#346
post #110

Some thoughts about taking responsibility. From an old boss: “Excuses are like assholes. Everyone got one and they all stink.” From a friend’s dad who was an excellent trial attorney: “If you’re explaining you’re losing.” From my kids 4th grade teacher: “While that may explain, it does not excuse.”

Along these lines is “sorry with an explanation/excuse is not sorry”.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#347
post #130

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> He very curtly told me that he hates generic top-level domains, they confuse consumers Perhaps someone should tell you that consumers hate advertisements, and they are confused by them too :)

Consumers also hate paying for things. I've always thought when Google came along that it was a shining beacon for being the one corporation that gives everything away for free.

> Consumers also hate paying for things. I've always thought when Google came along that it was a shining beacon for being the one corporation that gives everything away for free.

All of Google's offerings do indeed have a price, just not a financial one in most cases.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#348

Happiness is a state of mind. You don't find happiness hiding under a rock one day, you have to make it for yourself. Also, don't get all of your validation from other people, because it can be very inconsistent; instead, get your validation through things you are good at (like hobbies, skills, etc.)

And if you can’t be happy now, you won’t be happy later.

And if something is required to make you happy, you are letting your happiness be controlled by others.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#349
post #254

Earlier quoted context omitted.

“Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can break hearts”

Words can break hearts when they come from a loved one, or someone you look up to. Why would what some random person says break your heart?

Because you're fourteen, those randos are your peer group, and you're stuck with them all day. Also, you're fourteen so you haven't quite figured out whose opinions should be important to you, and also you're wildly insecure about your position in your world.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#350
post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While I broadly agree with this, you have to be careful you don't slide too far into this mindset. Vacations become hard to justify if you view them as both the price of the vacation+lost income opportunity. It's easy to find yourself in a place where it's hard to justify doing anything but working.

Well I looked at it like this. A good two week vacation in Paris costs at least $10,000. I could instead bill out approximately $12,000 during that time. Therefore, the best thing to do is for me to pay a Parisian $2,000 to have my vacation for me. I stayed at home, and earned a lot more money. I can then spend that on another vacation. You can thank me later for this gem.

Even better - you can hire a Parisian and a Roman and a Londoner to each have a vacation for you at the same time! 2 weeks of work and 6 weeks of vacation in just two weeks of clock time. This is the way.
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