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Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

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Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#311

Post by obruchez »

ttjjtt wrote: post #254

Have another kid within 2-3 years. Over the next 16 years you as parents will have hours to yourself every day while the kids keep each other company. Single children spend many more hours a week lonely and the parents have to be their sole family play mates at the expense of their own pursuits, relationship & energy. Adults will never be as fun or engaging a playmate as another kid. If you keep the gap within 2-4 ye…

On the other hand, with 2-3 children (or more), unless all your children have the same extracurricular activities, you'll spend a lot of time driving/accompanying them to their various activities.

Depending on the children, there can also be a lot of fighting going on, which can be tiring for the parents.

I'd say the jury is still out on the question of the optimal number of children (including zero).

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#312

Post by benhurmarcel »

ttjjtt wrote: post #254

Have another kid within 2-3 years. Over the next 16 years you as parents will have hours to yourself every day while the kids keep each other company. Single children spend many more hours a week lonely and the parents have to be their sole family play mates at the expense of their own pursuits, relationship & energy. Adults will never be as fun or engaging a playmate as another kid. If you keep the gap within 2-4 ye…

I have a 1 year-old, and we're reconsidering the idea of having more kids. Just 1 baby is already so exhausting, time-consuming, and expensive that we don't think we could take a second one.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#313

Post by warrenm »

Dad of 4 (including a very recent-born (1 May)):

- you don't need as much stuff as you think - diapers, a handful of outfit changes, wipes, car seat, sleeper/bassinet/thingamabob

- if you're formula-feeding, buy more than you think you need, and plan to get no sleep (since you'll be co-feeding with your wife

- if you're breastfeeding, support your wife since she's gonne be TIRED all the dang time!

- spend as much time as you can with the kiddo! They'll never be 1wk, 1mo, etc old again; time doesn't reverse; work/hobbies/facebook/etc will be there tomorrow (or it didn't matter in the first place)

- take pictures that include mom! She's taking pictures of baby ... make sure you photo her!

- corollary to above - put your dang phone down! They're only this old once - and they expect (and need) absolutely-constant eye-contact while they're awake!

- change diapers - it's messy, icky, blecky, and yuck! Do it anyway!

- laugh, sing (even if you're woefully off-key), and tell stories to your new one! They don't know you're doing it "wrong"! Do it anyway!

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#314

Post by warrenm »

You're ready for a newborn when they're 6 months old

You're ready for a 1 year old when they're 2

You're ALWAYS playing "catch-up"

Don't sweat the small stuff!

I've got 4 (8,7,6, and 2mos)

If what you don't get done today matters, you'll get pestered tomorrow

It's truly freeing to see how much you can slough off and no one bloddy cares :)

Do what needs to be done - for sure. But do what you want to do instead of what you only think "needs to be" first

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#316

Post by philliphaydon »

bakuninsbart wrote: post #201
philliphaydon wrote: post #186

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Read to your children. I’ve been reading to my daughter since she was about 1 year 6 months. She’s 3 years 9 months now. It’s at the point that if she’s naughty I just say. Please pick up your toys or there won’t be a bed time story. And they are picked up quickly! She doesn’t want to miss out on story time.

She's in the right age for my absolutely favourite kids book: "The three little wolves and the big bad pig". I'm in my 30s now, and still think very fondly back to this book, love showing it to my niece and other kiddos.

Thanks! I added it to my cart on Amazon. Will purchase it when $$$ arrives. Love a good recommendation.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#317

Post by halo37253 »

euroderf wrote: post #299
RyanOD wrote: post #140

I'm sure some of this was already mentioned, but here it goes... Read to your children. We set a goal of reading 100 novels to our daughters. We're at #80 and the girls are 13 and 11. Create some traditions. Whenever either of our daughters lost a tooth, I'd write a letter from the tooth fairy. The letters offered advice, humor, fairy "facts" and even maps to buried treasure they could go dig up. In retrospect, I wis…

Just want to chime in that Lego is evil. Consumerist crap and the models don't even hold together properly. Try to get a decent metal construction kit. Some old Meccano or Erector set maybe. Nuts & bolts & gears & structural members. None of this obey-the-pictures-and-press-together-all-of-Dads-money stuff.

Just buy the tubs of legos, and let the do what they want. Lego is just fine.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#318

Post by magicink81 »

I wish I had read Gabor Mate MD and Gordon Neufeld's book "Hold on to your kids"

Here's Chapter one from the book on their website: https://drgabormate.com/book/hold-on-to-your-kids/hold-on-to...

There is a window of time from ages 0 to 5 in which critical aspects of a child, their relationship to their parents and family, and the broader world are developed. Our western industrial culture does not support parents and families in their attempts to parent well during that window of time. In order to parent well then, you will most likely need to develop a counter-cultural lifestyle. This book can help you understand why that is important, and how you might do it yourself.

Parenting is a massive undertaking and an unparalleled joy. Congratulations!

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#319

Post by halo37253 »

MandieD wrote: post #260
outsomnia wrote: post #2

Your partner is going to need support even if she isn't pushing for it and all seems well, if she's up all night at intervals feeding but you're sleeping well, eventually it becomes irritating. Be willing to do expressed milk or formula feeds in the night, deal with nappies / diapers willingly, make some time off for her by taking the baby out for long walks or car trips when it won't fall asleep etc. It varies but d…

My husband is my hero because I rarely changed an overnight diaper that first year. Had to get up to feed/pump, sure. But when the crying wasn't due to hunger... In fact, we ended up with me being in charge of "input" and him being in charge of "output". As in, I make the overall nutrition decisions, and when he became really worried about the chemical smell of disposable diapers, I did a little shopping to find ones…

Wow a whole year...

I make 120k and I could only afford my wife not being at work for 2 months. I don't live in a HCOL area. Nearly everyone I know that makes a household income of around 100k right now struggles, and that is with mortgage payments closer to the 1000k mark than my closer to 2000k mark. I'm in my 30's and just bought a home recently, like many my age.

We had to budget hard, food cost in general is high. Add a baby to that, it really hit home. Wife pumped, and it helped offset cost in the first few months. But luckily Wife was able to get back to work in only two months time. I would have loved 6-12 months for her to be at home. But America sucks, and I would need to pretty much make 180k to justify it.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#320

Post by raptorraver »

Dad of three hear. The big thing that made last two baby years easier was the realization that no matter how slow the time flow will feel like, it will go past too fast. There are rough days and nights, baby will cry and wont sleep but that will pass and things will get easier eventually. Just be patient.
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