301–310 of 323 posts
Hello internet friend, As others have mentioned, you are arguably not as close to rock bottom as one can be. I hit rock bottom when I lost my home, my job, my ability to walk, was on assistance and bought my groceries with food stamps. How I got to rock bottom is a story for a meeting. I found solace in recovery. Recovery is different for everyone as is rock bottom. Therefore if you feel you've lost more than you wer…
>I feel like I've lost any passion for anything This is one of the hardest aspects of depression, one which I'm struggling with right now again, actually. Having been in this place many times in my life, my best advice is: Do things first. If you do enough things, passion will flow from that. (wouldn't hurt if those things were plausibly interesting or valuable to someone). The natural alternate philosophy is much le…
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Which culture died quickly due to not practicing marriage?
All of them. They couldn't establish themselves enough to leave any important traces in history and are effectively erased. Sexual liberation is not a new idea, the reason why it's not traditional is because it is unsustainable and can never grow to a tradition
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Losing half of their wealth and honestly rolling the dice on whether a new relationship would be with someone who would be with them through thick and thin or just another “fair weather friend.”
If you are in a relationship with someone where the concern is losing half your wealth after 20 years together then I would advise not marrying that person. I make about double what my wife makes. If tomorrow she said, I want a divorce, then she can take half of what we saved over the 20+ years together without any issue from me (assuming infidelity was not involved, if it was I would go scorched earth). Anything I e…
And yes... live together for 3-5 years or so and then get married if you want. I wouldn't rush it.
> When I left software development for 5 years What did you do? Freelancing or left software dev in those years?
Was it easy to get back into it?
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Or marry a good person, raise happy kids and live a good life together. If you are not married and one partner makes significantly more than the other, what's to stop the wealthy partner just deciding 20 years into the relationship that they want a newer model and just leaving the former partner destitute? It creates a massive power discrepancy in the relationship. "Do what I want or I'll leave you in the street." Ma…
> Or marry a good person, raise happy kids and live a good life together. You might as well be telling someone to just be very lucky.
It was very hard. I had to return to my mother's home, and tried to search first another job, then another place to be, and last another couple. A process of 10 years.
Things I learned from then:
. Patience and keep calm. After some years things will be ok again, but it needs time (and work). It's a long hard way, but keep calm, don't want to solve everything in days or weeks.
. Family is important. I really thank my mother for his support in a very difficult time.
. I think I had to go out from that work the day after, not three years after.
. Only few people at work would be real friends.
Sorry for my poor English and good luck.
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I can see how that approach would be attractive, since it is more convenient. But there is a cultural significance to ritual that makes life events more meaningful, and hence, more durable. If you don't treat it as a life-ling treatment, there is less of a chance you will treat it as such for 50 years.
I can see how the corset of tradition, social pressure and law can make marriage "more durable" of course. If you're facing eternal damnation and being ousted from the only social circle you know unless you marry before ever having sex and everyone around you does the exact same thing then of course many if not most people will endure all but the very worst marriages. I'm glad this is finally past us in at least some…
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I can see how the corset of tradition, social pressure and law can make marriage "more durable" of course. If you're facing eternal damnation and being ousted from the only social circle you know unless you marry before ever having sex and everyone around you does the exact same thing then of course many if not most people will endure all but the very worst marriages. I'm glad this is finally past us in at least some…
What's the fertility rate in these awesome modern societies?
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If you are in a relationship with someone where the concern is losing half your wealth after 20 years together then I would advise not marrying that person. I make about double what my wife makes. If tomorrow she said, I want a divorce, then she can take half of what we saved over the 20+ years together without any issue from me (assuming infidelity was not involved, if it was I would go scorched earth). Anything I e…
Great comment. Indeed it's not black and white. And yes... live together for 3-5 years or so and then get married if you want. I wouldn't rush it. > When I left software development for 5 years What did you do? Freelancing or left software dev in those years? Was it easy to get back into it?
It was relatively easy to get another job. It was an entry level job making 55k but I only kept it for a couple years. Which is really a shame because it was the best software job I've ever had but it was a small company and I had kids to provide for.