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Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

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Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#301

Post by kingkawn »

mradek wrote: post #77
kemiller2002 wrote: post #4

You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…

How do u find a therapist? I’m a bit weary to discuss super personal things with someone I don’t know even if they’re a professional. How can I find someone I trust and is actually good? Not like the movies where the clock is up and ok next issue. My work offers a mental health service but I’ve looked at their TOS and no thanks. Sometimes I feel like just suspending the world background process and being still would…

Therapy can save your life.

The professional is there not to be a regular person to know, but someone to who you can emote and feel openly your hardest things you hold inside. This expression of those things makes them less haunting and distracting inside yourself. This technique does not necessarily fix your material problems, but it allows you to clear the way within you to take them on.

It is not for everyone, and it is worth a try when you are feeling hopeless.

There are lots of good online therapy things now. Although I’d recommend doing in person if you can because the latency of emotional exchange is much higher in the space of the world. Even still the online work can be hugely beneficial.

Even if your worldview has left you bereft, your body deserves a chance to reformulate your mind for this opportunity at existence.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#302

Post by dbspin »

haywood wrote: post #133

Not 40 but about to turn 37: I hired a personal trainer that I see twice a week with the goal of getting as strong as possible (not focusing on weight loss which I think is important). The change in 6 months has been unbelievable. I have put on a ton of muscle, gained a ton of strength, my metabolic health is now PERFECT, and I have a ton of energy and vigor which is spilling over into the rest of my life. Getting ph…

Not to knock your fitness achievements (well done). But OP pretty clearly isn't in the earnings bracket to afford a personal trainer.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#303

Post by shackenberg »

mradek wrote: post #77
kemiller2002 wrote: post #4

You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…

How do u find a therapist? I’m a bit weary to discuss super personal things with someone I don’t know even if they’re a professional. How can I find someone I trust and is actually good? Not like the movies where the clock is up and ok next issue. My work offers a mental health service but I’ve looked at their TOS and no thanks. Sometimes I feel like just suspending the world background process and being still would…

Somebody wrote that OP is in Germany. Here are some notes I compiled for (expat) friends and coworkers on:

How to find how to find a therapist in Berlin (Germany): https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1YQYTXBkypxc1DaCRWIjk...

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#304

Post by hinkley »

My friend’s in-laws had this advice: your 40’s should be your best decade because you still have most of your health and you have the money to do things. I’ve known a lot of pretty healthy people in their 50’s who might say your early 50’s can be better.

Physically I feel younger today than I did eight years ago. Started tai chi, a new hobby that involved volunteerism (and manual labor), bought some land, and as others have suggested, found a therapist.

If all goes well I’ll be walking the local half marathon in the spring. Eight years ago a mile a day would cause me ankle pain for three to four days.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#305

Post by sveme »

mradek wrote: post #77
kemiller2002 wrote: post #4

You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…

How do u find a therapist? I’m a bit weary to discuss super personal things with someone I don’t know even if they’re a professional. How can I find someone I trust and is actually good? Not like the movies where the clock is up and ok next issue. My work offers a mental health service but I’ve looked at their TOS and no thanks. Sometimes I feel like just suspending the world background process and being still would…

Given OP's user name, I suppose he is in Germany right now. If you want to find a therapist, there's several ways:

1. Talk to your health insurance; they often have scheduling services

2. Talk to the Kassenärztlicher Bereitschaftsdienst of your state, e.g., Bavaria has this on offer: https://www.kvb.de/service/patienten/terminservicestelle/ter... If you don't know where to head to, call 116117. Easiest way.

3. Go to your GP - he can guide you through this or can forward you to a psychiatrist

4. Use the online service from the association of psychotherapists: https://www.psychotherapiesuche.de/pid/ersteschritte

If you have suicidal thoughts, search for a local Krisendienst Psychiatrie (https://duckduckgo.com/?t=ffab&q=krisendienst+psychiatrie&ia...), they can help you immediately.

The most important thing that OP has to learn is that he is not alone, there are professionals out there that can help you. But you have to make the first step.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#306

Post by sanitycheck »

One thing at a time. As a fellow procrastinator, I couldn't contemplate trying to fix everything at once!

You don't think you're currently employable in a field you'd like to be in, but there's no question that you have the ability required to do those jobs. How about doing a bootcamp then entering the workforce as a "bootcamp grad"? Your previous knowledge and experience should make climbing the ladder from there relatively easy, you just need a foot in the door.

If you're not currently eligible to work in the US, all is not lost. There are definitely more interesting and lively places to be than your small town, and if you're in the EU moving to one of them should be straightforward. Make a list of cities you'd like to live in, apply for jobs in those places.

So now you've got a job, and are in an exciting new city. Start dating. Regarding fertility there are plenty of women in their thirties who'd be totally happy with someone ten years older, and many will be looking for someone to start a family with.

You could do things in a different order, but if you find the relationship first you risk making more strong ties to a place you don't want to live and if you find a not-great job first that may inhibit your progress towards the life you want.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#307

Post by soheil »

DrNosferatu wrote: post #100

Therapy is a must. You are in Germany, is this correct? (if not, and if you have the possibility [from your username], actually consider moving back there as access to free mental health care is much easier) Germany has Krankenkassa-covered access to therapy, and even Krankenkassa-covered clinics specializing in recovery from depression and other conditions - many times no pills, multimodal talk and art therapy appro…

I'd go one step further and recommend a real doctor, a psychiatrist.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#309

Post by soheil »

jimmytidey wrote: post #243

Here's a thought - through proactively seeking help by posting on HN, you just made it to the front page. You got feedback from people across the world. Some highly skilled (and paid) people stopped what they are doing to help because they understand and want to help. There are a lot of people who want to help. Some have been where you are. Most people on this thread are vastly more positive about your outlook than y…

No post body was provided.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#310

Post by renewedrebecca »

soheil wrote: post #245
js8 wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I second that, I would suggest move to a larger city and get a job and therapist there (looks like the OP is from Germany, which I would personally prefer to US). And regarding to life goals, wife and kids in particular, although I have decided not to have a family, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but I think there are many single mothers out there who would appreciate a stable and solid partner with 2nd inco…

I mean I don't know why people keep saying it's too late to have kids if you're 43. You could have a 20 year old by age 65, which is the time you could retire and have them move out after they get a job.

Not sure why you've been downvoted. This is absolutely true.

I would however be careful equating having kids to being successful in life. At best, they can be a joy to have. At worst, they can be little sources of chaos and stress that you can pass your own worst traits to.

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