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Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

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Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#301

Post by Markoff »

kazinator wrote: post #277
Markoff wrote: post #265

Earlier quoted context omitted.

sorry, it's BS, it really gets better when you can have normal night of sleep compared to newborn, man I hate newborns as father of two kids, first half year was definitely the worst part of parenthood properly raised kids also don't climb furniture or throw things or have temper tantrums in shop/restaurant, this happens to parents who key their kids do anything and then everyone has to suffer

What raising techniques do you recommend? Say someone has a newborn; what should they do between now and three years (or so) from now?

don't let kid do whatever it wants, set limits and be strict not afraid to raise the voice, if really necessary at small kid where you can't argue with reason you can also pat them on bottom

I see way too many spoiled "new age techniques" kids allowed to do really anything, God forbid parent telling them anything and then they grow up to be spoiled brats who are annoying everyone everywhere

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#302

Post by lewisjoe »

kaybe wrote: post #67
lewisjoe wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I regret not asking for a c-section explicitly. Coming from a traditional south-indian background I hesitated electing a c-section beforehand, trusting the doctor will take the best decisions based on the situation. I was wrong. The doctor pushed it too far and my baby had to be NICU-ed for a couple of days and even worse, I still have PTSD witnessing the trauma my spouse had to go through. I should have simply liste…

What did your spouse want? Was she out of commission? If you're not the one giving birth and not the responsible doctor it's not your call to make, is it?

She was in the same state of mind. We both left it to the doctor to decide. And that turned out to be a poor choice.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#304

Post by Yeahsureok »

brucetim wrote: post #194
plasma_beam wrote: post #139

Earlier quoted context omitted.

+1000 Came here just to say this. Aside from being a good parent, you have to focus on your partner and you (that is assuming you want to, if not the case then please disregard). Without that relationship being healthy, everything changes. It spiraled into divorce for me two years later. Doesn’t need to be much, but learn to even go on dates with the baby. You can, and it helps. Flying is also not that bad - if you c…

Always buy seats for your kids! Don't try to hold the baby on your lap; it won't end well for either of you :) Seat belt extenders for larger fliers are invaluable for getting the car seat buckled in too!

This is one of those things that is always easy to tell others to do on the Internet for self benefit. Post one sentence and guilt trip others into behaving better while not having to change oneself at all. Bravo.

I always wonder if such people who write these comments would themselves commit to a verifiable improvement of their own behaviour in public according to to the norms of others. I'd love to see it :)

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#305

Post by Xenoamorphous »

bergenty wrote: post #284
Xenoamorphous wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Not mentioned here yet, as this should be a no-brainer to most people, but if you're American and it's a boy: don't start his life by cutting of a perfectly good piece of penis (i.e., circumcision). That's his call, optionally (but probably not, rare medical conditions excepted) later in life. Don't do it just because the cornflakes guy said so. Also if it's a girl there's no need to pierce her ears. She can do it…

Disagree. It’s totally reversible and becomes a reason to stick out in elementary school. Not piercing the ears is akin to naming a kid something weird.

Pain inflicted to the baby is not reversible. Plus clip on earrings exist.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#307

Post by unixhero »

28304283409234 wrote: post #269
plasma_beam wrote: post #139

Earlier quoted context omitted.

+1000 Came here just to say this. Aside from being a good parent, you have to focus on your partner and you (that is assuming you want to, if not the case then please disregard). Without that relationship being healthy, everything changes. It spiraled into divorce for me two years later. Doesn’t need to be much, but learn to even go on dates with the baby. You can, and it helps. Flying is also not that bad - if you c…

Exactly. Except: do not fly. Go somewhere that requires no flying. This planet thanks you.

Impossible. Family is on the other side of the planet. And also, flying and holidays are the best thing in the world. I will never give it up.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#308

Post by unixhero »

Yeahsureok wrote: post #304
brucetim wrote: post #194

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Always buy seats for your kids! Don't try to hold the baby on your lap; it won't end well for either of you :) Seat belt extenders for larger fliers are invaluable for getting the car seat buckled in too!

This is one of those things that is always easy to tell others to do on the Internet for self benefit. Post one sentence and guilt trip others into behaving better while not having to change oneself at all. Bravo. I always wonder if such people who write these comments would themselves commit to a verifiable improvement of their own behaviour in public according to to the norms of others. I'd love to see it :)

Where is the guilt tripping. The advice is sound, get a car seat, consider a belt extender.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#309

Post by unixhero »

newfathertwins wrote: post #298
sparrish wrote: post #117

The one thing I wish someone would have told me with my first is that it's OK if you don't feel an immediate connection or affection to your newborn. I was expecting to immediately fall in love with the little bundle but his blank stare was a little creepy. No one told me they don't smile or express any emotion, other than pissed off when they're crying. I was expecting him to smile and be happy when he saw me. When…

Any tips about homeschooling? I am a father of one year old twins. I also work from home to spend time with them.

Uh at least a few university years of study for basic teaching pedagogy and then knowing how to teach the curriculum.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#310

Post by itsmemattchung »

markus_zhang wrote: post #280
itsmemattchung wrote: post #46

An honest reflection of being a father for the last 2.5 years: 1. Sometimes for no apparent reason, you'll start crying 2. Parenting is a constant cycle of ups and downs 3. Ask for help (it really does take a village) 4. Friends and family (even with good intentions) will always find something to nit-pick about your parenting style 5. Having a child will test your relationship with your partner and reveal that you tw…

Can relate especially 1, 2, 5 and 6. Probably the worst 2 years I have spent so far. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone unless they themselves really really want a kid. Basically my one liner is: Don't go for it if you have a slight doubt. But who knows, every one is different.

sorry to hear about your last 2 years. always open to chat openly about fatherhood (my email contact is in my profile).
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