Ask HN: How can I learn to better command people's attention when speaking?

It’s a an excellent question! I don’t think there’s a specific answer just for you, but there are some important universal themes.

Try asking people questions and show interest and concern for their well-being. Observe other group’s rituals and pay respect to their customs. Then to capture people’s attention speak in terms of stories that they know, but switch up a few details, to make the conclusion refreshing and exciting.

I understand what you're saying but I never advised anyone to change personalities and group conversations are not TED talks.

I merely pointed out something that helped me: instead of sharing tidbits that amount to "I find this relatable because...", I realized that when I came from a place more like "You all might find this interesting because..." people responded better.

It's hard to say unless you had a recording of yourself in a conversation to listen to / watch why exactly you're getting this response.

As others have mentioned: tone, pacing, modulation, content ... these could all contribute, but I don't think you'd be able to know unless you really analysed a video or audio recording with someone.

Here's a few things that may help:

  1) Get a voice coach and do a few lessons
  2) Join an acting class
  3) Take a clip from a movie and re-enact it. Record yourself and play it back to see the difference, you might pick up a few things.

Also, as others have mentioned it might be worth not paying as much emphasis on speaking, but focus more on listening, reflecting and asking questions. People like others that are intrigued by and like them!

You might be coming off as making it about you.

When we interject with relatable stories, it can often appear to the listener that we are taking what they just said and turning into a narrative about ourselves. Defeating this takes practice, since the good intention is not necessarily to talk about yourself, but to signal that you understand what the speaker is sharing.

The easiest way I have found to avoid this is by asking questions, instead of telling my own story, but basing my questions on my experience. To use your travel example, if someone is telling you a story about a place you have been to, ask them what they thought about a specific attraction you have also visited without mentioning you visited it, giving them the opportunity to continue sharing rather than turning the spotlight on your experience. I that moment, it's about them.

Can you give a more concrete example?