Ask HN: My manager is bad. Should I care?

I've left a few "imperfect" jobs that I've regretted, because the next job was worse than the one I left.

IMO: Understand that no company is perfect: Unless you have extensive management experience or a multi-decade career, it's hard to build empathy for what your manager's job requires and their day-to-day challenges. In some cases, criticizing your manager is akin to being a backseat driver; or a "monday morning quarterback" who's never played a day of professional football.

Now that's said, if you really believe that it's best to move on to greener pastures, understand that the software engineering field is in a periodic downturn. Now isn't a good time to find a job. Thus, "if you have a good thing going," stick around for another year or two, and get your resume out there when the industry heats up again. Hopefully, you know how to screen potential employers so you find a job you like better.

Finally: Early in our careers, a lot of us need to "take what we can get." As we advance, we can start to smell unhealthy working environments. I think this is partially why some older engineers take longer to find jobs... We walk away from bad situations that only younger naive engineers will accept.

Once you know the answer to that, my "3 classes of managers" might help you pick a next step.

Good: These managers actively support you. They know how to play whatever games your company has evolved, will support you through tough times, and create growth opportunities that advance your goals (and theirs).

Useless but harmless: These managers are not actively "good", but they won't stop you serving yourself. You'll need to take matters into your own hands, but when you do, they'll support you. They normally know how to play the company games, and are sometimes "good" managers that have burned out or stretched themselves further than they have capacity for. Finding good mentors can help you leverage "Useless but harmless".

Useless and harmful: These managers aren't helping you, but then actively hinder your attempts to help yourself. They'll block your attempts to achieve things - even if they're good for the team. When you go to them for support that only they can provide (e.g. performance reviews), they won't really listen to your feedback.

Sounds like you're somewhere between "Harmless" and "Harmful", and you need to work out which one your situation is closer to. If you've got a "Useless but harmless", then you're fine. Work with them to generate the outcomes you want, trusting that - in general - they'll support you in "self-management". If they're not helping you and preventing you from helping yourself, then - despite being "nice" - they're probably harmful to your own goals (project and personal), and you _might_ want to consider other options.

You're right, it is more in the context of romantic relationships, but I have since noticed nice guys can be a problem everywhere.

I certainly had some "nice guy" tendencies in the past, and maybe still do sometimes, bit I try to be aware and strive to be more direct in my words and behavior.

It's been a few years since I read it... I may read it again actually.

Nice guys can become resentful when their kindness isn’t reciprocated in environments where reciprocity is a reasonable expectation, but that I don’t see how that makes them jerks nor does it make being nice a red flag.

Just know that if someone is nice to you that they are likely to expect to be treated how they treat you and either meet that expectation or turn down their assistance in the first instance.