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Ask HN: What do I do if a job is causing me to be depressed and demotivated?

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Re: Ask HN: What do I do if a job is causing me to be depressed and demotivated?

#31

Post by robocat »

robocat wrote: post #26
LettuceSand12 wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I will try this. I unfortunately don’t really know how to dial down since it makes me feel guilty.

We can naively split the world into two types of people: givers and takers. I'm guessing you are a giver and you are feeling resentful because too much is being taken from you. But it is actually your choice about how much to give that causes your resentment. Watch for how others deal with giving and taking in work and romantic situations. The ideal solution is to find a place to work that consists mostly of givers.…

A better word for takers might be users.

Re: Ask HN: What do I do if a job is causing me to be depressed and demotivated?

#32

Post by theGnuMe »

Yes it is possible and you will make it thru. You are on a journey of self discovery and enlightenment and you recognize that something is wrong, that your life is out of balance with your values. That is a huge step. This is big psychic pain which is a real thing like real pain is when you break a leg.

You are also experiencing something called "learned helplessness". Learned helplessness and depression are inevitable responses to long term stress. Inevitable means every human will experience it. You are stuck in a shitty job you hate and can't get out of and have no control over. The lack of control piece is fundamental to that stress. This is the rat in the shock box experiment. The rat becomes depressed because it can't control or stop the shocks.

You know you are depressed like the rat in the box... so take this very seriously and seek out a therapist and even ask your doctor about medication. The therapist will teach you skills to understand yourself and strategies to cope or change.. and the medications will probably help. Start with the professionals: a therapist and a medical doctor. Eventually you learn that the box is a lie and you can step out of it at anytime and go off free from the trap.

Re: Ask HN: What do I do if a job is causing me to be depressed and demotivated?

#33

Post by BWStearns »

I had a similar thing and it was literally causing my eyesight to go. Just bail. Grab something new. Even if the reason for your unhappiness is unreasonable it doesn’t matter, it’s not worth staying at a place that makes you physically unhappy.

Re: Ask HN: What do I do if a job is causing me to be depressed and demotivated?

#35

Post by robocat »

nonrandomstring wrote: post #29
robocat wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That is irresponsible advice. What if it loses them their job and they struggle to get an equivalent job? What if they have any financial responsibilities? Great advice if you can change careers or easily slip into another position (which they've said they're worried they can't). Fine advice if you're a hippy hobo like me. Hopefully they can find some other motivating force apart from the tech. Read https://www.kalzu…

> That is irresponsible advice. "Well, son, a funny thing about regret is That it's better to regret something you have done Than to regret something you haven't done." "And by the way, if you see your mom this weekend,,,"

Regrets are hard to measure - the things you didn't do are usually hypothetical and often only occur due to perfect hindsight - using information you didn't have at the time you made your choice.

Optimising for immeasurables is not a good path to success in my opinion (and I have some external measures of success in my own life, plus some failures).

Re: Ask HN: What do I do if a job is causing me to be depressed and demotivated?

#36

Post by _w1tm »

robocat wrote: post #26
LettuceSand12 wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I will try this. I unfortunately don’t really know how to dial down since it makes me feel guilty.

We can naively split the world into two types of people: givers and takers. I'm guessing you are a giver and you are feeling resentful because too much is being taken from you. But it is actually your choice about how much to give that causes your resentment. Watch for how others deal with giving and taking in work and romantic situations. The ideal solution is to find a place to work that consists mostly of givers.…

> We can naively split the world into two types of people: givers and takers.

It’s a sliding scale and not set in stone. I used to be too much on the giver side until burnout forced me to learn how to apportion my time better.

At the end of the day, most employers pay you to spend x hours per day solving their problems and thus creating value. If you stretch and give them more than you are obligated to then is it really their fault or your fault? You should use neutral phrases like “I don’t currently have bandwidth for this” or “I can’t make any promises because X is a higher priority”. Your manager most likely has no clue of how overloaded you are and will appreciate being informed before it becomes a medical issue.

Of course, some employers are toxic and will not take no for an answer. These are the exception to the rule and the only resolution really is finding a new job.

Re: Ask HN: What do I do if a job is causing me to be depressed and demotivated?

#37

Post by hnthrowaway0328 »

Like others said, chill and find a new gig. If they fire you all the better with the extra cash.

But first you have to chage the mindset. My realization is that, I need to be responsible to myself first. My family is second in order. My close friends is third, and then it goes on. The fucking job is at least out of Ring 5.

Once you realize that, you would agree that you simply should not let Ring 0 suffer for the sake of some Ring 6 or 7. And then you will start do paragraph 1. The best strategy is to find a new gig ASAP, but push it to 4-6 weeks before starting, then figure out a way to let the current company lay you off and pay some $$. Your manager and company obviously don't give you a fuck so let them pay you.

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