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Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?

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Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?

#31

Post by austinjp »

It's super cheesy to post lyrics on any forum, particularly Beatles lyrics, so scroll past if you're not into it.

Whenever I'm in this mood, the Beatles tune You Never Give Me Your Money drifts through my mind. It reminds me of the times I've owned enough to carry. In the right circumstances it's liberating. And yes, they had limousines, but it still works for me :)

Out of college, money spent

See no future, pay no rent

All the money's gone, nowhere to go

Any jobber got the sack

Monday, morning turning back

Yellow lorry slow, nowhere to go

But oh, that magic-feeling, nowhere to go

Oh, that magic-feeling, nowhere to go

One sweet dream

Pick-up the bags and get in the limousine

Soon we'll be away from here

Step on the gas and wipe that tear away

One sweet dream came true today

(Edit: formatting.)

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?

#32

Post by muzani »

vineyardmike wrote: post #3

This may be the generic reddit advice you're avoiding, but you should try therapy. Lots of people think they should make some dramatic change in their life, especially irreversible, and usually that's not healthy. I think a lot of people dream of something big and dramatic, because the idea is cathartic, but I don't think most people find that reality matches this idea. I like the saying "nothing ever changes if noth…

Therapy seems more like a cure and a fix for internal issues, but sometimes the source of the problem is external. It removes the toxins but sometimes you just want to be out of a toxic environment.

I would also argue that 80% of environments are toxic. Most people would benefit from shuffling about a bit. When you go closer to something better (a higher paying job with ventilated offices, a nice girlfriend, friends who read the weird books you like), it's also likely to be a healthier environment.

Self selection is powerful stuff that reinforces communities to be worse or better.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?

#33

Post by Staple_Diet »

throwatherapy wrote: post #23
vineyardmike wrote: post #3

This may be the generic reddit advice you're avoiding, but you should try therapy. Lots of people think they should make some dramatic change in their life, especially irreversible, and usually that's not healthy. I think a lot of people dream of something big and dramatic, because the idea is cathartic, but I don't think most people find that reality matches this idea. I like the saying "nothing ever changes if noth…

Although the OP may indeed be well advised to consider whether there is an underlying psychological issue, "just trying therapy" is bad advice. Therapists are not trained in diagnosis . Just trying therapy is like finding that your house is damp, and picking randomly from the list of tradesmen that might fix a damp issue: roofers, renderers, heating engineer, plumber, ventilation installer, etc etc. If you pay a roof…

FWIW, in most areas 'therapist' is a catch-all term for a practitioner that performs therapeutic interventions, be they Psychiatrists, Clin Psychs, General Psychs or Counsellors.

I just say this as the first half of your post had me concerned as it seemed you were rubbishing all mental health clinicians, and it wasn't until I realised you were using the term to delineate counsellors from Psychologists/Psychiatrists that I coined on.

Glad that you saw the value in seeing appropriately trained clinicians and echo your sentiments regarding ill trained therapists.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?

#35

Post by keiferski »

Didn’t quit the job, as it was remote and I needed the income to fund my travels. But in my mid-twenties, I pretty much left everything behind and spent the next five years doing the digital nomad thing in Tokyo, Paris, Berlin, Croatia, Morocco, and so forth. I absolutely recommend it, but you should expect to get tired of the lifestyle after a few years.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?

#37

Post by rodent_rodeo »

I’ve had similar feelings. Sometimes an environment can truly be toxic but often, IMO, these urges come from a place of fleeing from yourself and disguise themselves in different appearances/urges.

This quote put it into perspective for me, even though I’ve only seen one or two episodes:

"A darkness carried in the heart can not be cured by moving the body from one place to another." —Season 3 Episode 6 - Dust to Dust, Babylon V

I spent a few years deeply contemplating suicide and made some pretty serious attempts. Ultimately, I reflected on the meaning and purpose of life, had an epiphany, found God, lost God, found God again and settled in with a family for the long haul.

Some people keep running from place to place all their lives, the ones I’ve met don’t seem to have ever accepted a reason for settling in and are just as restless at 70 as at 21.

Good luck, hope you find your peace. Peer support groups can help. Would also recommend Victor Frankenstein Man’s Search for Meaning and Fulton Sheens talks (last one is religious but he was one of the first TV superstars, highly educated, extremely eloquent, and palatable for mainstream of the time. He has good reflections on what is life, why are we here, etc and available on YouTube).

Sorry if my advice is too generic but my heart goes out to you. I really believe now that we all have a place in this world and that our “hearts are restless until they rest in God” - St. Augustine. Now maybe you find a different God than I did but I firmly believe the search is ingrained into our DNA and your restlessness is a prompt for deep reflection. Read up, make some sacrifices (give things up, eg stoicism for the pagans here), get some peer support, accept that somethings are going to suck, find peace.

It gets better though. I know that’s another platitude and I’ll spare you anymore.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?

#38

Post by RugnirViking »

a friend of mine quit his(educated and quite cerebral) career around 50, bought a van, and became a landscape gardener for 3 or 4 years. He was way happier. Of course, he had less money, but he didn't need it. After that he started doing less gardening and started organizing music events (he'd been going to loads of concerts and hanging out with band managers anyways). He's still starting out with that but has hosted a few local ones himself and worked on the team for some bigger ones

It can absolutely work. I can't say its always easy, but it will make you a much more interesting person for sure.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?

#39

Post by codingdave »

throwatherapy wrote: post #23
vineyardmike wrote: post #3

This may be the generic reddit advice you're avoiding, but you should try therapy. Lots of people think they should make some dramatic change in their life, especially irreversible, and usually that's not healthy. I think a lot of people dream of something big and dramatic, because the idea is cathartic, but I don't think most people find that reality matches this idea. I like the saying "nothing ever changes if noth…

Although the OP may indeed be well advised to consider whether there is an underlying psychological issue, "just trying therapy" is bad advice. Therapists are not trained in diagnosis . Just trying therapy is like finding that your house is damp, and picking randomly from the list of tradesmen that might fix a damp issue: roofers, renderers, heating engineer, plumber, ventilation installer, etc etc. If you pay a roof…

Not everyone who struggles in life has a clinical diagnosis.

"Just trying therapy" is akin to taking some OTC painkiller before going to the doctor. You try that first before going to the ER for a headache. Likewise, therapy is a really solid first move when something is wrong. For many people, and for many things, it will work and is the right answer. Many people go to therapy a few times, get some perspective, learn some new coping skills, and then move on with life in a better place.

Now, if they try that and it doesn't work, by all means, go farther and talk to a psych professional who can diagnose them.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?

#40

Post by kgdiem »

underlogic wrote: post #26

Yes I've done this 3 times in the last 20 years. That is, thrown away all but a small bag of possessions and a bag of clothes and resettle in a remote location cutting off contact with all but a couple of people, and with only a few hundred dollars in my pocket. I abandoned a house, quit a well paying great job and broke up with a fiancé. I could detail these experiences but it would be a long and somewhat personal p…

How do you wind up meeting new people to socialize with? Especially in the small town you just moved to.
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