Sleep when the baby does. You can catch up on chores later, but not sleep.
Prioritize your family over all else. Money is a renewable resource, your time together is finite and fleeting.
Ask HN: Advice for a new father?
31–40 of 101 posts
Re: Ask HN: Advice for a new father?
#32If it’s a boy, I would just let you know that he’s going to pee everywhere during diaper changes. Not all the time—only when you least expect it. Keep your cool and try not to leave stuff downstream that you wouldn’t want pee on.
I found it's better to let the child decide when to drop the diapers. The first time around we heard the "specialists" and it really stressed the little boy. We gave up and let him decide and it went perfectly, as it did with our second child.
Yeah sure, but I’m talking infants here.
Re: Ask HN: Advice for a new father?
#33Don't (you or your partner) be afraid to ask for help from family, friends, or medical professionals. Being a parent is an amazing, rewarding experience. But it can also take a physical and psychological toll. Trying to work through it or tough it out is a bad strategy.
Re: Ask HN: Advice for a new father?
#34enjoy your time with them while they're young. the older they get, the less time they'll have with you.
Re: Ask HN: Advice for a new father?
#35 + Baby first.
Mama second.
You 3+n where
n=dogs in family.
+ You don’t get it back.
It is life.
+ It will take a lot of work
To actually screw up.
+ In the next few decades
You will grow too.
Hopefully as much
as your child.
It would be a shame
Not to.
+ Do it right and they will
Become a busy adult
And you will miss
Them like hell.
+ Talk to your child
As a person from day one.
Re: Ask HN: Advice for a new father?
#36As a crossing guard at my local high school told me: "Welcome to the Brotherhood!"
Every baby is different and you should take all advice with a huge grain of salt, including the ones listed here.
Don't be afraid to ask for help. Everyone pays attention to the child but you and your partner will need help too managing this new life transition. Even if you're not the birthing parent, you too have also gone through this massive change in time, mental space, and life meaning.
Also, unless there's extenuating circumstances, don't make any big life changes (new job, divorce, new house) in the first year. You aren't in the right headspace.
Re: Ask HN: Advice for a new father?
#37Your kids will model their behavior after yours. If you want them to be kind, show them kindness. If you want them to value reading, read to them, and read in front of them.
Their sleep schedule is sacred, for their well being, and yours. Plan your social life around making sure they are in bed at their scheduled bed time, every time. When your child is able to sleep through the night it is one of the first milestones that dramatically improves your quality of life. Allow them to keep their mid day nap as long as they will take it. These are key productivity hours for you and your significant other for the next several years!
Kids can potty train earlier than you may think. I potty trained mine at 20 months, over an extended weekend. When your kid is potty trained it is another milestone that dramatically improves your quality of life, and saves a lot of money you were spending on diapers.
Re: Ask HN: Advice for a new father?
#38The best advice I ever got was to internalize this: “the days are long but the years are short”. As a father of a now 17 and 19 year old I can definitely say looking back that the years were indeed short. Enjoy the days.
I heard that advice many times, agreed with it, but still didn't really feel the weight of it until now, as my kids reach that range. It's bittersweet -- you see them blossoming into ever more amazing and beautiful versions of themselves, and you realize that you have even less time to be around them.
Re: Ask HN: Advice for a new father?
#39Sleep when the baby sleeps. Eat when the baby eats. Do the dishes when the baby does dishes. More realistically: 1. If you're raising the baby with a spouse, communication is going to be wildly important. Be more explicit than you think you need to be about things - you're both going to be tired, and it's all too easy to make an uncharitable assumption. 2. One thing that worked for us, re: night-time, was shifts. My…
Having done both a shared shift nighttime schedule, and an alternating days nighttime schedule, I strongly recommend doing alternating days. Getting decent sleep every other day is a huge improvement over constant deprivation.
Agreed. Switching to formula made things significantly easier.
When a baby is first born there may be a "let's suffer together" mentality. Get that out of your head and focus on maximizing your collective energy.
Re: Ask HN: Advice for a new father?
#40When and if you have a second one, let the older one choose a middle name for the new kid. For our sons (with a five year difference between them), it gave big brother a share in the process, something more than just this new thing popping into the family. They've gotten along pretty well for 29 years now.