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Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?

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Re: Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?

#31

Post by houseatrielah »

Its February... do you live in the north? Life seems better in the south: more sun, more outdoor activities, more vitamin D. Spain, Italy, Greece, the hospitality of the American South. They eat dinner later, stay up later, talk more and will invite you over for dinner #swedengate

I was just in Florida musing the difficulty of having a BBQ in Minnesota... 12 weeks of summer * 2 days people don't work = 24 days... next set of constraints: no rain, your friends are available ie. not going to weddings, kids sports or family events (things which are very booked in the summer)

Re: Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?

#32

Post by jncfhnb »

randomdata wrote: post #29
jncfhnb wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Citation needed

Great example! Has this anti-social behaviour become more prevalent because of social media, though? I suspect it has, although perhaps supplanting some other type of 'decorum' witnessed in pre-social media times.

The irony of this passive aggressive hyper enthusiastic sarcasm is palpable.

The basic fact is that asynchrony forum posts request different social rules than live face to face conversation.

Re: Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?

#33

Post by julianeon »

I think awkwardness results when the goal of the interaction is unclear.

Say I go to buy a coffee. It's never awkward: I step up to the counter, spell out my order, the server acknowledges that and tells me the cost, I pull out my credit card and pay. Very clear cut and not awkward. It's almost like a video game: I have a few stock phrases, I choose from them as does my partner, we complete the interaction, it's all very smooth.

The awkwardness comes in my experience when I'm standing in front of someone and the way it should go is ambiguous. Are we... close? Going to become friends? Will there a follow-up? Is this interaction a prelude to dating? What would that mean??

I can think of two types of interaction that are often awkward that nicely demonstrate this: first dates, and job interviews.

Note that, if you can remove the ambiguity, you can also remove the awkwardness, in my experience anyway.

Re: Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?

#34

Post by BriggyDwiggs42 »

jncfhnb wrote: post #10
ycdxvjp wrote: post #5

It's like what happens to software when it gets stuck in states it hasn't been programmed to handle. Print 'Oops' or 'Erm' 3 times and carry on.

That is… not what software does in states it has not been programmed to handle

Maybe not your software

Re: Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?

#35

Post by Erratic6576 »

LiquidPolymer wrote: post #20

I remember reading a book that stated human socialization evolved when the primary interactions were between family groups and small tribal communities. Everyone knew everyone. Socialization with outsiders was formalized and much more time-consuming and awkward. In the modern era, we are constantly interacting with strangers or people we barely know. Some gregarious people are very good at this, but otherwise it can…

This book? Jeremy rifkin 2010, The Empathic Civilization: The Race to Global Consciousness In a World In Crisis, Jeremy P. Tarcher, ISBN 1-58542-765-9

Re: Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?

#36

Post by drewcoo »

julianeon wrote: post #33

I think awkwardness results when the goal of the interaction is unclear. Say I go to buy a coffee. It's never awkward: I step up to the counter, spell out my order, the server acknowledges that and tells me the cost, I pull out my credit card and pay. Very clear cut and not awkward. It's almost like a video game: I have a few stock phrases, I choose from them as does my partner, we complete the interaction, it's all…

> Say I go to buy a coffee. It's never awkward

Baristas and prostitutes are paid to be nice to customers.

That's not the same as a cocktail party. Well . . . not ones I've been to, at least.

Re: Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?

#38

Post by randomdata »

jncfhnb wrote: post #32
randomdata wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Great example! Has this anti-social behaviour become more prevalent because of social media, though? I suspect it has, although perhaps supplanting some other type of 'decorum' witnessed in pre-social media times.

The irony of this passive aggressive hyper enthusiastic sarcasm is palpable. The basic fact is that asynchrony forum posts request different social rules than live face to face conversation.

Perhaps, but "citation needed" is always just an attempt to shut down those who don't fit the 'decorum'. It adds nothing to the conversation and is not good faith forum participation. There is no quote taken that could be cited, and there never is. The request is impossible to fulfill. Of course, that's the point.

This anti-social "unless your words come from someone I respect, I don't want to talk to you" behaviour has most definitely shown to extend out into the real world. That became quite apparent during the COVID ordeal. But it is less clear if that was always the case, or if social media has made it more prevalent.

Re: Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?

#40

Post by drewcoo »

You know that "bubble" thing mainstream media talked about a lot until the dire existential threat of Trump meant we couldn't acknowledge certain bubbles? It's the bubble thing.

Before there was mass media, we also had huge differences from region to region. And when people travelled less, those regions were more numerous and more distinct. Mass media allowed us to be in one big bubble, all speaking with the same accent, more or less.

Bubbles are natural and normal. Don't sweat it. Be friendly. Embrace your awkwardness. Once Trump has passed, we can openly talk about it again.

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