31–40 of 70 posts
I play a sport in a club. When I hang out with those people... yea it's all we talk about almost. Nobody in my family or friends play this sport, nor do they care to talk about it.
So I just would not expect whatever it is you pick up to be broadly interesting to other people either.
Have you considered starting a book club? I love to read and I found a few people that like to read in the same genre and we have a lot of fun.
There is a major metro ~1 hr away but the commute would be killer.
What are you reading at the moment?
quit your job. too many people remain in a job for far too long. unless you are in a trajectory to become the vp of the company by 43, quit and start your own thing. most people think of a job as a lifetime thing whereas it is a short paid bootstrapping session to learn how the adult world works. after that you should be finding edges and exploiting them on your own.
Ha, well my job is the one part of my life I feel really good about. I'm learning a lot, have plenty of autonomy, the work is interesting/challenging, and I see a path to having a lot of impact in this role and whatever I do next (assuming human intelligence is still needed over the next few decades).
This could be different elements at different times, e.g. you could lean really heavily on a friend group for a couple years, then later become religious and let your Church be your life's Northstar for a while as the friend group organically scatters, then later go deep with your family, or a sport, or travel, or whatever.
Right now it seems like your job is probably filling that "reliable bright spot" role in your life, and imho it's not worth discarding that until another independent element is clearly ready to fill that "bright spot" role.
Are you boring or bored? Big difference.
One thing I've heard from many retired people is that they're bored. And I was always like...how can you be bored?! You have all the time in the world to do all the things you want but never had time for because of work! What did you do all day with your time off before retirement?
I read your post and wonder if you're going to end up one of those people.
> Outside of reading I have no hobbies, I am not part of any groups, I don't have any ambitions outside of home & work, and I don't drink or play video games or watch very much TV/movies. [...] Should I try to cultivate new interests? How do I find the time?
You absolutely should try to cultivate new interests.
I'm a big PC gamer, playing things from all genres. FPS, turn-based strategy, real-time strategy, factory building, city building, colony sim, puzzle, RPG (action, MMO, and single-player), racing...I play so many games that when people ask me "What do you play?", I never know how to answer! Though my favorites are typically the city builders, colony sims, and factory builders.
But I recently got into RC cars after digging out the ones I inherited from my dad. He had some stuff from the late 80s, like a Traxxas Bullet and a Kyosho Optima Mid. I upgraded the motors and electronics, but eventually decided to get myself a modern Traxxas Rustler 4x4 VXL. Out of the box, it'll go 45 mph, and if I swap the pinion gear out on the motor, it'll go ~70 mph (at the expensive of some acceleration).
There are so many hobbies and interests to get into. You just gotta find what you like to do! Just don't let anyone tell you that any hobby that doesn't lead to something useful is a waste of time. There are some poor souls, even here on HN, that think anything that doesn't produce value beyond just being entertaining is a waste of time. Fuck 'em. They're going to be on their death beds wishing that they had allowed themselves to have more fun.
Finding time...I don't really know how to answer that one, since I'm not a parent, though I am married, but my wife is a PC gamer as well, so I have plenty of free time outside of work.
I lost him 2 years ago.
This comment is the first time I've even remembered that old frustration in many, many years. The moments I think about, and the types of conversations I wish I could still have, have nothing to do with "interesting" hobbies or being "cool".
He passed on his love of reading and we would frequently discuss ideas from his favorite authors. He loved the scorpions and many similar classic rock bands. Some of my favorite memories are us just chatting about those subjects, or things that were important in my life at the time, or current events, or about nothing at all, while doing something else. I wouldn't trade a single one of those for having a "cooler" or more interesting Dad. Now that I am also in the software industry, I wish we could complain (or celebrate the good) about work together. If anything, I wish he was more open about the boring things that went on in his day to day.
If pushing yourself to try new things is a journey you want to go on for yourself, by all means, do so. Your kids would probably find that interesting in and of itself. But don't do it just to "have something to talk about." They will love you for who you are (...eventually, if not now), and be much more interested in what's in your head and what you care about, than seeing that you check off some amorphous checkbook of "still having cool hobbies." If anything, it will probably be more rewarding for them as they grow up to know more and have more access to the person you already are and the things you already care about. You can buy travel and lessons and "interestingness" or get those things from someone else-- but once you're gone, you're gone forever.
It sounds like you're a caring father. You already got it, man. Just show them who you are.
Wishing you and your family well.
That little jab aside, I recently bought a nice bike during autumn sales and equipped myself with a wahoo Kickr smart trainer and cycling shoes / bibs etc.
I didn't think that the gamified zwift interface could be this much fun but I'm addicted and never had better cardio than I do right now. I'm even skipping weightlifting workouts to bike more ..
So yeah get this as a new hobby and then once you figure out all the awesome stuff about it get the rest of your family into it. It's healthy af and there's a huge community of people.
I never really enjoyed running, rowing was much better but biking is on another level. What's awesome during winter is the smart trainer, once you test your fitness level the workouts are adapted to you perfectly.