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Ask HN: What is something that had the largest positive impact on your life?

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Re: Ask HN: What is something that had the largest positive impact on your life?

#31

Post by AnimalMuppet »

munksbeer wrote: post #28
jf22 wrote: post #11

Kids. I've gained much more focus and I live more in the moment. I also don't care as much about work things. Loads of technical debt, unsustainable roadmaps, weird coworkers, bad bosses, who cares?

Unfortunately it is the opposite for me. My children are five and two and these have been the worst years of my life. I never knew unhappiness like this before. I've had depression since a few months after the birth of our first child. He has adhd and autism and has been extremely challenging. I should have known better, as a childhood adhd sufferer (on medication for most of school age), known that I probably wasn't…

I needed that "time out", too. Weekly.

But your spouse/partner may also need to be able to get away. (My wife did, though not as often as me.) Maybe you could tag-team breaks for each other?

Re: Ask HN: What is something that had the largest positive impact on your life?

#32

Post by VoodooJuJu »

hiAndrewQuinn wrote: post #24
nullindividual wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And when you get divorced, you’ll rediscover yourself and never change for anyone again. You’ll ask yourself why you changed and gave up activities you enjoyed while picking up activities you dislike.

... Are you okay?

I would heed his prophecy rather than dismiss it per ad hominem, because it's an extremely common fate for many a man. If you believe you're special, that you're immunized from such a fate, you'll let your guard down, and when you get hit with your guard down, the hit comes harder.

Re: Ask HN: What is something that had the largest positive impact on your life?

#33

Post by munksbeer »

AnimalMuppet wrote: post #31
munksbeer wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unfortunately it is the opposite for me. My children are five and two and these have been the worst years of my life. I never knew unhappiness like this before. I've had depression since a few months after the birth of our first child. He has adhd and autism and has been extremely challenging. I should have known better, as a childhood adhd sufferer (on medication for most of school age), known that I probably wasn't…

I needed that "time out", too. Weekly. But your spouse/partner may also need to be able to get away. (My wife did, though not as often as me.) Maybe you could tag-team breaks for each other?

For me, it needs to be more than weekly. I seem to build up a debt of "something" which seems to be resolved by doing something I love. Mostly this had been walking, surfing, hiking, reading, gaming, rugby, and so on. And now it is impossible to get time for that. Once a week we each get to do something for ourselves, but only for a few hours. Looking after the two children alone is tough for either of us, so we don't leave the other person alone with them for too long.

It seems to have impacted me far worse though, for whatever reason. I never knew what depression actually was before I had children.

Re: Ask HN: What is something that had the largest positive impact on your life?

#34

Post by cbruns »

muzani wrote: post #23

Religion. I want to ride off the top comment here, but I have a slightly different take on it. I think what matters is having a core, something you accept as absolute truth. Make new assumptions around this truth. What happens when science conflicts with your truth? You abandon the lower truth and follow the higher truth. Abandon lower truths for higher ones, like a bubble sort. Is scientific evidence the highest tru…

Nothing can ever make losing a child 'fine'. You must not have children.

Re: Ask HN: What is something that had the largest positive impact on your life?

#35

Post by thorin »

Having children. It was the best of times, it was (almost) the worst of times.

Getting into outdoor activities (kayaking, climbing, hiking etc). Made the best friends, travelled worldwide, saw interesting places, got fitter

Music, listening and playing instruments. (and I guess programming to an extent) always nice to have a skill and something you can do when nothing else is going on. Quite meditative too.

Re: Ask HN: What is something that had the largest positive impact on your life?

#36

Post by nullindividual »

hiAndrewQuinn wrote: post #24
nullindividual wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And when you get divorced, you’ll rediscover yourself and never change for anyone again. You’ll ask yourself why you changed and gave up activities you enjoyed while picking up activities you dislike.

... Are you okay?

No.

Re: Ask HN: What is something that had the largest positive impact on your life?

#37

Post by nullindividual »

munksbeer wrote: post #28
jf22 wrote: post #11

Kids. I've gained much more focus and I live more in the moment. I also don't care as much about work things. Loads of technical debt, unsustainable roadmaps, weird coworkers, bad bosses, who cares?

Unfortunately it is the opposite for me. My children are five and two and these have been the worst years of my life. I never knew unhappiness like this before. I've had depression since a few months after the birth of our first child. He has adhd and autism and has been extremely challenging. I should have known better, as a childhood adhd sufferer (on medication for most of school age), known that I probably wasn't…

> That usually involves getting away from everyone and playing a computer game for a few hours, or going for a long hike, or just driving somewhere to be by myself. And it needs to be frequent.

I could write out this exact same sentence. You're not alone with your overall experience.

Re: Ask HN: What is something that had the largest positive impact on your life?

#38

Post by helij »

VoodooJuJu wrote: post #32
hiAndrewQuinn wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

... Are you okay?

I would heed his prophecy rather than dismiss it per ad hominem, because it's an extremely common fate for many a man. If you believe you're special, that you're immunized from such a fate, you'll let your guard down, and when you get hit with your guard down, the hit comes harder.

Why even worry about this in advance?

Re: Ask HN: What is something that had the largest positive impact on your life?

#39

Post by hiAndrewQuinn »

VoodooJuJu wrote: post #32
hiAndrewQuinn wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

... Are you okay?

I would heed his prophecy rather than dismiss it per ad hominem, because it's an extremely common fate for many a man. If you believe you're special, that you're immunized from such a fate, you'll let your guard down, and when you get hit with your guard down, the hit comes harder.

I see we disagree about the likelihood of an easy to measure event. I'll bet you one dollar at even odds that I am not divorced from my current wife by 2028-12-21, UTC midnight. Considering you consider this outcome "extremely common" 1:1 odds is a statistical bargain for you.

Re: Ask HN: What is something that had the largest positive impact on your life?

#40

Post by keiferski »

Living abroad outside the US for a considerable amount of time. Not because America is terrible and Europe is amazing (both places have their positives and negatives), but because it becomes easier to understand America and what being American means from the outside. It’s not an accident, I think, that Fitzgerald wrote The Great Gatsby while in southern France. Being outside of something helps you understand it more, and I think this is not an experience that a lot of people are lucky enough to have.
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