Earlier quoted context omitted.
A lot of these are examples of people that built up a career and finally had a (lucky) breakout. Doesn't sound like OP.
Masters in US implies the OP has a past history of completing non-trivial projects. Built career is just a narrative that HR and investors like. Humans can learn quite fast lots of useful things. This is not a statement "everyone can become world champion" but rather, you don't need to become world champion to find contentment and happiness in life. Growth mentality is the key.
Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
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Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#32Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#33Your English is great, and your writing clear and coherent. You have considerable savings, which means you were frugal when you were earning, and have made your savings last one decade already. Finishing a MechEng degree and working as an analyst shows you’re intelligent.
It sounds like you are focusing on the things that are not going for you right now. It would help you to speak more candidly with a trained professional. Finding a therapist that you can open up to and have good conversations with sounds like a good bet.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#34That last part was not true. Even if you cannot immediately see its effect you have value. It felt true but it's hard to get back on your feet and most people will kick you while you are down or feign concern with self gratifying pity.
My advice to you is to sail into prevailing winds and lean into things that "fuck you back" as one of my favorite youtubers simone giertz said recently.
Be open to directions and opportunities you may not have been willing to persue. After months / years of under/unemployment I took a job that wasn't exactly what I'd been holding out for but it's getting the bills paid and providing a stability to my life that's been gone for a long time.
I missed out on some of the prime earning years of my life. Because society rejected me, not because I pissed on some electric fence. I've been honest and myself and I haven't had the support I wish I did. Life isn't fair like that.
The best you can do is just try to move forward, do things that give you some value in yourself and seek out life experiences that will enrich yourself and others. Find some other people who are interested in your preferences and relationships personal and beyond are possible. Its cliche but sometimes it comes to you when you stop looking for it.
so to sum up: I've had a similar life crisis, its been going on for about three years and I think I'm starting to trend up? I don't make nearly as much as I used to but at least I CAN pay the bills and I'm trying to work on a couple side projects that I hope will both get me some extra income as well as make me feel good for doing fun creative things that others can enjoy.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#35The world is getting increasingly more interesting, with all the crazy new tech, AI on the horizon, and just simple enjoyable things (new books, awesome movies and TV shows, cool new software and games to try out). Plenty of things to look forward to, very interesting to see how it'll all turn out.
I was mildly (not very seriously) suicidal in my early 20s, I'm really glad that I didn't go through with that. Life changes in unpredictable ways, sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better. I think it's worth seeing it through for as long as you can.
There are more opportunities than ever to learn new skills and build new businesses. All of that feels overwhelming and hard at times, but it's a fun journey to step on, and to see where it goes.
It's a meaningless waste of time to compare real life to hypothetical alternatives you can build up in your imagination, comparing yourself to other people is a recipe for unhappiness.
I recommend aiming to compete with the yesterday's version of yourself, try to take steps forward and not have zero days, when you inevitably fail (as we all do) - pick yourself up as quickly as you can and keep going.
Try to clarify what you specifically want to accomplish, and what stands in your way. From there it's problem solving, like debugging code, trying to figure out how to take the next step, how to do the next right thing (without getting too freaked out and overwhelmed by all the work that's left to get done).
I have no idea if any of this is useful, or if it sounds like empty platitudes, but hopefully it helps.
Also, very important - make sure to do all you can to take care of your physical health. Diet, exercise, sleep. It sounds boring, but it's very easy to confuse messed up brain chemistry with bitterness/anger/depression caused by other things. Going for a run on a sunny day in a park won't fix all your problems, but I notice that every time I do this consistently, life feels a lot brighter, and challenges in front of me a lot more solvable. Some of it is because exercise is rewarding and feels like taking a step forward, some of it simply comes from better health and brain chemistry.
Regarding kids/family/wife - guys don't get a lot of actionable help, advice, or support in these matters these days. I'm going to risk recommending something most people will find inappropriate - "Blueprint Decoded" by RSD (you can find it on torrents). It is an old pickup course that was absolutely life-changing for me (and was one of the few things that really helped me with the whole not-killing-myself thing). I know how society looks at these things nowadays, but it would be wrong not to recommend something that was so incredibly helpful to me, something that had so much positive influence in my life. It is a place where you can look if you notice that the mainstream ideas and advice on dating aren't working too well.
If not that - then take a class, or find a hobby that involves interacting with people (improv and roleplaying games are my favorite, but there are plenty of other options). Look at meetups in your area (meetup.com). That's a great way to expand your social circle and meet people.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#36It’s about your outlook.
Basically: If you don’t like your situation, change it. Can you change your life? The probability is 99.99% yes. But you have to change your mind first.
I’d say see a therapist asap. Try better help . Com or some other remote service if you can’t find one nearby.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#37Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#38Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#39I eventually clawed my way out and I look back now and just think it was something I had to go through. The feeling of doom and hopelessness does fade away over time and you will be in more positive frame of mind at some time in the future.
On a positive note you have some cash savings and the presence of mind to ask for help. I'm not going to say there is some magic route you can take that's going to turn your life around overnight but the longer you hang in there more the chance of something happening that will provide the spark you need to start thinking positively again.
I burned through all my cash, asked help from nobody and ended up living on the street. I still managed to recover though, so don't ever think your situation is hopeless.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#40But it seems like you are looking for help doing that. Its great that you are asking for help, I think this approach will get you somewhere. HN may not be the best place though.