Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

As I’ve become encumbered by life’s responsibilities, the main pivot I’ve made is to outsource a bunch of it. I spend money on this so may not be feasible for everyone but, I can project manage a small async remote team on top of everything else. Finding the team is a challenge but pulling back from the hands on technical stuff helps 1) minimize time away from home 2) I don’t end up with a hobby instead of a business and 3) I am forced to spend most of my time selling, which had always been my weakness (I’d build for the fun of it then have no plan for what to do to grow it).

I’m a night owl so I usually spend time after kids are in bed working on it. A lot of people say they find success waking earlier and getting in a couple hours before their job/family routine takes over. I think the main thing is to make a plan and talk to your spouse and ensure you’re aligned.

From my experience founding companies, this is only true for high growth companies. There are loads of lifestyle businesses that make six or seven figures that were started on the side. It’s super hard if you have kids and a full-time job, but many have done it.

Very good question. I am literally in the same shoes as you OP and have been beating myself with confusion over the last 6 months or so. I am a new dad, but I have always loved buildings things and wanted to start a company as I have quite a few ideas, some of which I feel have good potential. In the pandemic we built a product and tried to start a company (as a side project), but it failed because of not being able to figure out monetization. While the experience part of it was invaluable to me, the enormous time I had spent juggling between both my full-time job and this side-project ended up affecting a lot of my family time as well. There were times where I hated my situation.

Now I am back being a passive, full-time employee that gets to spend some family time and not really getting into side-projects now because I know I can't - I do not have the time now - not with a kid. What I have come to terms with is that I need to arrange some financial safety for my family if I wanted to explore building companies. This is 100% possible. You can explore opportunities or get someone to join you as a co-founder and once you have funding, you can get paid a base salary that you and your family are comfortable with, along with an agreed-upon equity. In SF Bay Area, it's quite common for founder base salaries to be close to $180k or so, so it's more practical than you think.

My advice to you OP is that, if you have a kid, do not consider engaging in side-projects, but rather go all-in and pursue something as a full-time effort. You'll know if things are going north or south within 6 months. If no kids yet, you can make the side-project thing happen, but make sure to have cofounders and split the work. Focus on getting your MVP out the door real fast so you can acquire funding and make your side-project a full-time project. Considering these learnings, I am just holding off for now but I'll make a leap into entrepreneurship again.

Don't do this with kids under 5, they need your time and energy.

Every person is different and vary in time and concentration management.

If you have a single income stream with a lot of dependencies, it's extremely risky to even distract yourself with wishful startup ideas. The most useful advice would be to get your life/money/time in order first. The worst thing that could happen to a side project is when wife/kids/bills start complaining nonstop for attention!

Google has a 20% rule which could work for those who have managed to find clean time gaps in weekly schedule to work on side projects. But never commit full-time to an idea or half baked product until it matches most of your previous income with an upside potential that truly requires your dedication. ie. don't quit your job until you can fully pay yourself from the new business!