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Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?

#31

Post by countfalafel »

willio58 wrote: post #13
telman17 wrote: post #3

I am currently the main provider and my wife works part time while in school. All money is our money no matter who earned it. It’s never been a point of debate or emotions other than “oh we got more money this month, cool!” in the event of a bonus or extra income. We have a budget and try to stick to it and have occasional vacations or upgrade something in the house. When it comes to finances we are a single unit and…

Love this in concept, but life turns out to be complicated over the long term. It's easy to say it's "our" money when you both agree on the same goals and life trajectory, but people have a propensity for change. In 10 years, what if your life goals start diverging? Will it still be "our" money? This isn't a personal question for you, but more something to consider even for myself. I love simplicity and I love trust.…

Consider that even if a married couple maintain strictly separate accounts, negotiate with one another about how much of each partners' money should be spent on this or that expenditure, and live separate financial lives, in a lot of places it's still all marital property. So in the event of the (very real and frequent) diverging life goals you raise, all the hardball they played with each other doesn't even matter. I don't have the password to your bank account where you keep "your" cash, but just wait until I call my lawyer to claw back my half of our marital property!

Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?

#32

Post by murrayb »

I used to make ~2x my spouse. Now she makes ~2x me (her increased a bit and by choice mine decreased a lot). We have always treated it as "our" money not mine or hers. Scott Pape in Barefoot Investor says couples should use joint accounts we haven't done that but it may be the solution for you, I would recommend that you both read the book before making changes.

And for what it's worth, be grateful she is doing well. it is awesome and she deserves your admiration & appreciation for her achievements.

Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?

#33

Post by [deleted] »

wonnor wrote: post #4

There are three main possible future outcomes: 1. You get divorced and she keeps her money 2. As a couple, you never spend "her" money because it's "her" money. You die having spent none of the money 3. At some point in the future, you start spending "her" money (3) doesn't make sense given she's uncomfortable with it now. (2) also doesn't make much sense. So to me it seems like either she's acting irrationally or ex…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?

#34

Post by wayne-li2 »

I’m confused, why would you be jealous here? Aren’t you and your wife “life partners” so to speak? That means understanding what money means to each person, understanding your partner’s money goals, and working towards shared financial goal.

Honestly, it sounds like you two need to have a heart to heart on this and figure it out, because frankly, you’re behind the curve on this. And if it’s not going well you should seek counseling. It’s important for a couple to be on the same page regarding money.

Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?

#35

Post by throwaway6734 »

I make almost 2.5x my wife. All earnings go into one account and all funds are shared. We each have our own credit card to track personal purchases but they're paid for out of the joint account.

We've been doing this since we started dating

Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?

#37

Post by matthewwolfe »

It’s weird to be married and imagine a scenario where my wife and I are arguing hers vs mine. I make approximately 4x more than my wife and we treat all money as shared. Bills are paid from a shared checking and if she wants to buy something she’s more than welcome to.

I think one of the most important aspects of a healthy marriage is being financially aligned. My wife and I are both similarly frugal so it works out well. Any large purchases we make are typically experiences together anyway like a vacation or a new shared car. We always make those decisions as a unit.

Could my wife afford our lifestyle if not for my salary? Probably not. But that’s the joy of being married to my best friend, I can drag her along and elevate her to my level. And she elevates me in so many other ways. Finances is just one piece of a big pie that is marriage.

Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?

#40

Post by browningstreet »

I think the first question you really have to understand the answer to is: how likely are you to live your whole lives together? It sounds like there's some disconnect on this particularly matter.

Also, per other commenters, I think it's actually easier to manage money when one person is a big earner and the other person is a small earner. I've found this to be true myself. It can be harder when one person is a good/high earner and the other person is a very high earner.

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