31–40 of 97 posts
The version of you that failed has been shattered. It’s painful, but this is your opportunity to move on to become a wholly stronger person.
You tested part of your personality in an extreme situation and you found it did not hold up. This is a great insight that will serve you well for the rest of your life (much more lies ahead than behind).
> I am interview now but my identity has been shattered.
You are not your work or what you do or what you have or haven't accomplished. You are you, and it's your relationships with yourself, people, family, friends, etc. that matter.
> Everyone tells me it’s not too late to start again
You aren't starting again. You are simply transitioning and growing. Nothing to be ashamed of there. In many ways, many would like to have a clean slate, and you've got a good excuse. Haha.
I recommend seeing a therapist. Just like how a student going to a professor to ask questions about something they're stumped on suddenly realizes the answer to their own question by merely saying it out loud, one can have the same experience with life questions and problems and a therapist. And if you don't answer your own questions, the therapist is there to help you answer them, either by providing answers or finding them with you. Friends, family, and strangers can only help so much. A therapist is paid to help you, and they are trained in the art.
Pick up a hobby or do exercise. Even better if you join club or organization that provides those things.
Mourn it, move past it, and treat it as another stint of professional experience. You haven’t wasted time, you don’t have to start over. everyone works on a project that doesn’t live up to expectations at some point in their career. You’ve likely learned a lot and grown professionally.
Leverage what you’ve learned however you see best. Could be another startup, a bigco, academia, etc. The right companies will respect your startup experience. I’d strongly suggest taking 2-4 weeks completely off- no interviewing, no working, just recovery. (It won’t be enough to fully mentally recover- that will take much longer, but should be enough to get you back on track professionally) Lay down your arms so you can fight another day.
If you have the resources, I highly recommend taking a sabbatical to recover and give yourself room to breathe and for your mind to wander. Moving to a new space, at least temporarily, helps you get in contact with new people and ideas. With some time, you'll find some new problem space which interests you, or some other new path you'd like to follow.
What really helps you feel less old is spending some time getting in good shape physically and mentally to give you strength for your next adventure. Spend some resources on treating yourself to make that happen. Recovering is definitely possible!
Your new identity doesn't have to be "failed startup guy." It can be something completely different. Maybe it is "I work my day job to make money but my passion is urban windsurfing" guy. We'll see.