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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#32"But not anymore now. I feel like my time for everything is running out." -> what is this everything you want to have time for? Do you wish to be in a relationship? since you mentioned it at the beginning. When I don't feel excited about the world, similar to what you describe, you meditate or spend time in nature. Reading about geology or trees has opened my eyes about how little we grasp about the nature of the uni…
> what is this everything you want to have time for? Do you wish to be in a relationship? since you mentioned it at the beginning.
I don't know to be honest. Perhaps what's nagging at me is the lack of optionality. There are certain things I am now too old to do, like go to a school as typical student, go crazy at festival or clubs, go backpacking and easily meet new people, and have casual relationships. It's not that I want to do these things. I don't feel any desire for them. But the fact that I don't have the option to do them is depressing to me.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#33In your situation I would start some kind of psychological therapy. You have a substantial amount of money so find someone competent. I started going to therapy when I was 35 as well, and my therapist said that for the first-time clients this is the most common age group, as defence mechanism that were working when people were young start to break down. Based on what you wrote - sounds exactly what might be happening…
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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#34You have half a million in savings at 35, and you feel like you haven’t accomplished anything?
I think you’re describing depression, anyway, and that’s the real reason why you feel this way.
Invest in therapy, to help you cope with the fact that life isn’t about having a purpose. You seem to be let down by this idea of “accomplishment” that is engrained into our brains since childhood by our capitalistic society. I’m sure that you can look back and find out many accomplishments, plus you could try and do things for the sake of it. That helped me ;)
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#35I turned 40 recently, and it hit me like a tonne of bricks. My relationship had just ended, my startup had gone on ice thanks to Covid, and the international move I'd just made reversed in the space of days (due to the break-up). The feeling of "what am I doing with my life?" hit hard, I'd already been doing therapy for a while, but the lack of fulfilment and satisfaction is still there.
Technology bores me mostly, even though it's what I'm good at. I feel like time is running out to do something, I just don't know what that something is. It's really tough to figure out what you want to do, and how you go about doing it.
BUT you're not alone! Speaking to friends, and possibly to a therapist, will help you to process the feelings that you're having, and may help to take steps forward. I'm trying to find enjoyment in tech again, but if I don't then I'm going to go find enjoyment in something else - likely something drastic, knowing my history! Ride a bike, go on holiday, join a club, read a book. There's so much out there, it's about being brave enough to go and do something different.
At least that's what it is for me.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#36I'm 38 and feel the EXACT same way! I try explaining to my wife but unable to. I'm all the sudden unimpressed and not interested in most things. Very bizarre and honestly depressing.
Have you checked your vitamin D, vitamin B12 levels ? I am 25 and used to feel the same way. Not interested in things, giving up repeatedly on my gf/relationship, playing video games became a chore. I used to sleep less because of the stress of a very shitty job. Overall I felt like shit all the time. I read on the net that it might be because of a vitamin D deficiency. I took a medical test and it showed me that I w…
> playing video games became a chore
Ouch. This is the one I identify the most with. I am, or was, a huge gamer. I used to play shooters, MMOs, and grindy RPGs and loved it. I could easily spend the whole day playing.
Now I can barely play for more than an hour without feeling some kind of anxiety that I'm wasting my time or need to get to the goal as efficiently as possible. How can I fix this!?
I'm already taking vitamin supplements :)
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#37500k in savings? That is quite the achievement. You should feel good about that.
Yes, even without kids and a relationship, it's a large sum. Large enough that he's probably doing really good professionally.
Perhaps this is naive of me but to have half a million in the bank and being miserable sounds like a pretty poor state of affairs. Time to convert some of that money into time and experiences.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#38Yes time is passing fast. I am the same age as you and I feel the same. It’s hard to find new things to get excited about but a older friend of mine told me a perspective that is a bit more positive. He enjoys to get gradually better at the little things. In his opinion the 20s are everything fast and easy. For example of friends, it’s so easy to find friends if you’re 20. But it’s A good thing to enjoy the little steps we go with old friends in our 40s and 50s and becoming gradually better friends. That works with everything . Just getting a little better at little things and trying to enjoy this.
But my reality is like yours.., those feelings that the time is running are closing me in. I try to enjoy the moment and don’t get overrun by the burden if time
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#39I'm 38 and feel the EXACT same way! I try explaining to my wife but unable to. I'm all the sudden unimpressed and not interested in most things. Very bizarre and honestly depressing.
33 here, exactly the same story. Take care.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#40I was in a similar position a few years ago. What helped me was having kids, life becomes much easier when you are around people who still don't know that it is pointless.