Here's the advice I gave my brother when he first became a father.
https://andrewducker.dreamwidth.org/3746257.html
Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
31–40 of 114 posts
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#32I thought the child-birth classes we did were amazingly helpful for a number of reasons: * You become familiar with the terms (procedures, drugs, etc) so that during delivery they don't sound scary and unknown. * We met other people in our relative neighborhood at the same stage. We're still friends with many and it was a HUGE support network before and after our children were born. I think this is especially helpful…
This is all great advice
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#335 weeks out from my first. Read 4 books. Went to 6 classes. Made lots of spreadsheets for some reason.
Mostly, just getting as comfortable as possible with "me and wifey will figure it all out, like we always do." What's coming will come, and we'll face it when it does.
Also, "have fucking fun, dude" reminders on the hour to myself.
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#34Kids need A LOT of sleep; more than you think. I would say that 80% of the time you see a kid crying or throwing a tantrum, it’s a combo of not having enough sleep and not having the emotional toolkit or communication skills to express their needs. My single recommendation is to get your child on a sleep schedule and stick with it aggressively.
Check out the book: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth.
BTW, I noticed my older daughter getting super cranky when using iPads/phones when she was about 2.5, so we stopped giving them to her and her mood vastly improved as a baseline. You’ll have to make your own decisions about tech and kids, but just keep that in mind. My kids now will happily go on a 12 hr car ride without ever asking for an iPad, etc. YMMV.
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#35If you live near a hospital that offers classes, go to all of them. If you've never handled a baby before, they have pretend babies that you can handle and change diapers. If the hospital doesn't, check out the local public health department as they will likely know who offers classes.
If your baby is to be breastfed, then check out Le Leche League for information on how all that works including pumping. The breastfeeding parent will take on a lot of work to produce and sometimes express milk, so work out a schedule where you can help out with the non-feeding aspects. (Also most insurances cover one pump and some cover supplies throughout the year.)
Procure or make freezer meals. If you can get through the first 4-6 weeks without really doing the whole food production, you'll be okay.
Get some books: the Expectant Father is good for non-birthing parents. What to expect when you are expecting is a really good book to have on hand for all potential scenarios.
Babies change a lot in the first year, so whatever you think is hard about that moment.... just remember it is just for a moment and will eventually pass. We have a walking talking toddler... and I miss her potato days when I could cuddle her and stare into her eyes without her sassing me about not reading her book fast enough. And potato days were sooo hard since I got no sleep with a 90 minute breastfeeding schedule (baby set it, not me).
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#36The best resource I stumbled upon that I now recommend to everyone is Brain Rules for Baby. It's an evidence-based guide from the prenatal period through basically age 5. And it has key tips for parents, reminding you that maintaining your own relationship as partners will be surprisingly challenging.
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#37Have my first child, now 7 months old. If I could only say one thing it's make sure to have a trusting & productive relationship with your partner. Problems or going to come up every day and solving for them is a function of how well you two collaborate.
I had the benefit of co-founding a startup with my partner so we had already cut our teeth on this. A child is like a type of startup. Identifying and managing problems/complexity is a daily activity. If you have a good working relationship there than you can have a blast being parents together.
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#38I had my first child several days ago. I am half asleep typing this. This isn't preparation as much as it is a warning. Here's what I think I have learned so far and what I didn't know:
1. The lactation specialists at the hospital can be rude, aggressive, and pushy. Or at least come off that way when you're pissed and desperate to get your child some food. We have ran into many issues breastfeeding and the lactation specialists (3 at the hospital during our stay) seemed to be very against using any kind of aids to feed. Despite what they say, don't be afraid to try nipple shields, bottles, and, gasp, formula as a supplement or replacement. Your kid has to eat.
2. Every family situation is different, but if you and your partner can you should work in shifts. Particularly if you are breastfeeding and ESPECIALLY if you are pumping, the parent doing that work is not going to sleep more than 2 hours at a time the first few days. If that. Ideally, partners shirts be up as little as possible at the same time so everyone has a chance to sleep.
3. Every minute matters when you're on a baby's schedule. It's the difference between sleeping or not.
4. Have quick, filling things available to eat. I had to choose between sleeping and eating a lot and it sucked.
5. Who knows if any of this will be true for your baby or birthing expert. Everyone is different. Some doctors or nurses don't get this. They suck. Many do and they are great.
6. We took a birthing class and it seemed great at the time, and I'm sure it's helped, but man oh man is the real thing different.
7. Learn to swaddle.
8. Learn to enjoy both the quiet and the chaotic moments. Living is hard, and I've done it for a while. Your baby hasn't and is learning.
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#39Do not think you can prepare:)
I have two - 5 and 2. We did these birth preparation courses that are offered here in the hospital. It was good to get a glimpse of what follows. However, it is theory that works until reality hits hard. It helped to feel prepared for the first kid. Would recommend if there is something like this where you live.
My personal experience: The first half year is mostly ground stuff. Eat, shit, sleep, fresh air, contact, ... Make a checklist (in the brain) ... Crying means always one of the ground stuff is missing. Do not buy stuff until you need it. Follow your instincts. Do not hesitate to ask a Doc if you are not sure. No Doc will send you away.
Wish you all the best!
Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?
#40I was twenty-one. I didn't intend to have children until my late twenties.
I was married and we intended to have kids, someday. But my method of birth control failed and I was unexpectedly pregnant.
I spent my pregnancy trying to figure out how I would talk to my child about their origin story. I didn't want them to feel unwanted or something.
I eventually realized they weren't unwanted. They were just unexpectedly early.
I have read that the final product when you are done raising your children isn't the child. It's you.
It's a wonderful opportunity to clarify for yourself who you desire to be and what personal baggage you would like to set down and leave behind instead of passing it down and saddling your children with it.