Ask HN: What happens if I have a nervous breakdown?

Actually, the chemical imbalance theory is largely a fairy tale that persists because (a) pharmaceutical companies want it to and (b) patients want pat explanations from their doctors. A few months ago there was an interview with a psychiatrist (I think on Fresh Air) who said that honesty would compel him to say, "Take this drug, there's some evidence that it may help you but we have no idea why," but patients won't stand for it.

It's pretty interesting that an idea that dominates popular consciousness so completely right now (depression is a chemical imbalance, take a pill) has such a flimsy basis.

Been there too mate, though I dealt with it in different ways at different times. In the first few cases I felt obligated to stay - I'd given my word, right? But the bullshit just meant that I just ended up contributing to the toxic environment by being an asshole out of resentment. I began to wonder if it was just me. Others certainly insisted it was. About six years ago I got a therapist and a psychiatrist. Best thing I've ever done. It was clear after talking to a professional that the situation was toxic. I got myself onto a smaller team within that company with some awesome people and really enjoyed myself. Unfortunately the toxicity remained, our lead quit, and we instructed to do what our lead would not. I'm quite proud that our team said "no", and said that the plan we already had was the right one. We were all let go. Ok, that was the best thing I've ever done.

My advice, then, if you are up for it, is to imagine what would light you up at this company. What would get you excited about it again? Figure that out, and do it. If you really are that good, then have faith in yourself. Give yourself a shot. Give your partners a shot. And if it doesnt work, quit. Unless this company is curing cancer its just not that important.

PS What amazes me about toxic environments is not the number of toxic assholes (actually quite small), but that most everyone else chooses to be enablers for these people.

PPS I did go on meds, but as another poster says here, it can take a while to find the right one - one can make you wired, another lethargic. The best thing to do is exercise and eat right; but the meds can help you get started (IMHO).

> I feel like if I leave, the company will become toxic to engineers and it will be one of those companies that good talent will try to avoid.

That's the company's problem, not yours.

>No doctors!

I'm not sure that's responsible advice. You really want to completely rule out consulting a Dr based on OP's rather brief and casual post?

What a lot of people seem to forget is that you can CALL a Doctor to consult with them. Most Doctors will do this free of charge provided you call during office hours and don't take up too much of their time.

This works better if you have a Doctor already, but some will consult with new patients over the phone.

Just call the office and say you need to ask the Doctor a quick question, and can they call you back when they have a minute.

If one doc fails, try another.

If you're having a real crisis, you should call a hotline or 911.

I'd say overall it sounds like OP just needs to relax a bit (stress is very bad for your health) and get some exercise, but comments like "I can't find the motivation" and "I've been in the bathtub for 10 hours" could be indicative of a more serious condition like depression or say...(to choose randomly) lyme disease* .

We have so little information, it's hard to judge but I don't think it would hurt OP to call their Doctor and get their take on it...they'll prob tell OP to get some sleep, and relax etc...hell maybe they can write a note to get OP out of work for a bit.

If OP does have issues and decides to go the medication route (which I only bring up because you mentioned it, their post doesn't seem to warrant it necessarily, but who knows), they should work with their Doctor to find a suitable drug that is covered by OP's health plan. If they are uninsured the Pharma companies have programs to give you drugs for free (so you rave to your friends about how awesome Astra Zeneca is), or generics are generally affordable especially at places like Walmart.

* I am not an MD, and this is not medical advice

But the studies show that for the vast majority of people (that is, everyone except the extremely depressed) antidepressants perform no better than placebo. Doesn't that astonishing fact change things a little?

The only reason we believe otherwise is that for many years positive findings were cherry-picked for publication while negative ones were suppressed. It took a Freedom of Information Act request and years of litigation to get access to the full spectrum of studies, and when they were finally surveyed, the statistical impact was negligible. (Except, as mentioned, for the small portion of the patient base who meet the criteria for severe depression. I don't remember the number.)

Far be it from me to condemn anything that truly helps people, but there is a lot of spin on this topic. Profit motive plus cultural bias is a hell of a double whammy.