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Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

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Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#31

Post by mrdependable »

I've been struggling with adulthood ever since turning 30 and starting a family. I have this image in my head of what life after 30 looks like from seeing my parents and all their friends doing basically the same thing as each other. It's not a life I want for myself, but every decision I make pushes me further and further in that direction. My mind has been programmed to think and act in a way that eventually lands me in the same life as my father.

In order to buck that trend, I've decided to try doing something that goes against my better judgement and pushes me out of my comfort zone. I'm hoping I'll learn a thing or two about forging my own path.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#32

Post by deletethis »

figuring out how to be a good partner to my boyfriend who just admitted he was molested as a child. he says he doesn't want to talk about it but he's also the one who's brought it up on multiple occasions. we both have very bad past experiences with counseling and medication, so it is unlikely he'd be very receptive to going down that road again. he's the most loving and beautiful person i've ever known & i want nothing more than to show him that he can still be loved by not treating him any differently than i would otherwise but is that really and different from repression? there's also the fear that he's becoming very dependent upon me while my own mental illness is still very much unresolved. he still lives with his abuser and i really want to get him out of that situation but if i take him in, it'll create a situation where he is both emotionally and financially reliant. any advice would be deeply appreciated

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#33

Post by cimmanom »

80386 wrote: post #30

I make I try to get at least one Git commit every day, but my job is pretty draining, so that doesn't happen. And sometimes all my projects get blocked on hard stuff that I don't have the energy to solve. For all I know, I might look alright on paper. I've co-authored a paper in a respectable journal, written a few Rails apps, a few desktop apps, and a crappy interpreter for an old language - which doesn't really use…

Have you tried applying? You sound at least as qualified as most of the entry-level candidates we get. Maybe send out a dozen resumes and see what sort of response you get before you decide you're not qualified yet!

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#34

Post by cimmanom »

mateo411 wrote: post #27
phakding wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Dunning-Kruger.

I think that's the opposite of Dunning-Kruger. The Dunning-Kruger effect describes people who don't know very much, but think they know a lot.

Dunning-Kruger also has a flip side where the people who are most capable consider themselves far less capable than they are (possibly because of this very effect where the more you know, the more aware you are of the things you don't know).

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#35

Post by _ah »

deletethis wrote: post #32

figuring out how to be a good partner to my boyfriend who just admitted he was molested as a child. he says he doesn't want to talk about it but he's also the one who's brought it up on multiple occasions. we both have very bad past experiences with counseling and medication, so it is unlikely he'd be very receptive to going down that road again. he's the most loving and beautiful person i've ever known & i want noth…

Don't take him in.

People grow, and you can encourage/assist, but each person ultimately has to choose for themself. If he needed to get out from his abuser he could presumably do it on his own, with varying levels of difficulty / pain. The fact that he hasn't done so means you would be "saving" him, a terrible choice. Unless he takes the step himself to become a fully self-reliant adult he is very unlikely to become that person under your protection.

Alternatively you could help him escape and provide a safe place for him to grow, while realizing that your relationship will probably be doomed in the process. I don't recommend this path.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#36

Post by _ah »

Odenwaelder wrote: post #15

I struggle with the question whether to have children or not. I'm surrounded by new fathers who struggle with their children, whose wives have turned from attractive women into unattractive moms. I read witty comments all the time suggesting how much of a burden kids are. This struggle burns me out.

Raising children is like investing heavily in a 401k or other savings vehicle. The cost is VERY high! But the payoff can be much higher.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#37

Post by kotrunga »

etatoby wrote: post #26

Long-term: dating/relationships. I'm very outgoing, but I have love shyness or something like that. I basically don't date. I find the entire thing extremely stressful and unbearable. I've always been alone. Short-term: not much! I recently dropped everything and moved to the other side of the globe (Japan) on a student visa. I'm studying a very interesting language and culture and making friends with people from all…

Are you at a language school? I started learning Japanese recently, and would love to move there one day.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#38

Post by gubsz »

I struggle with cronic injuries. Over the years I've accumulated a few different injuries to my shoulder, back and knee which put me in a constant state of pain. It's not debilitating but it is relentless. I'm always around a 3/10 on my pain scale, which just means I'm always uncomfortable. I can manage with stretching and some targeted exercises, but generally my injuries do not subside.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#39

Post by jklein11 »

80386 wrote: post #30

I make I try to get at least one Git commit every day, but my job is pretty draining, so that doesn't happen. And sometimes all my projects get blocked on hard stuff that I don't have the energy to solve. For all I know, I might look alright on paper. I've co-authored a paper in a respectable journal, written a few Rails apps, a few desktop apps, and a crappy interpreter for an old language - which doesn't really use…

I can imagine that there are senior engineers that couldn't explain to me what a lexer/parser does let alone elaborate on the trade offs of a specific implementation.

I'm not in the position to hire but send me an email if you want to connect.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#40

Post by dhruvkar »

mrdependable wrote: post #31

I've been struggling with adulthood ever since turning 30 and starting a family. I have this image in my head of what life after 30 looks like from seeing my parents and all their friends doing basically the same thing as each other. It's not a life I want for myself, but every decision I make pushes me further and further in that direction. My mind has been programmed to think and act in a way that eventually lands…

mann.. completely relate to this.

my understanding is that trying to buck the trend will still keep my attention on the trend I'm trying to buck. As when riding a motorcycle, keep your attention on the place you're trying to move to rather than the one you're trying to avoid.

so instead my focus should be on things that truly move me.

good luck on this journey, I definitely feel ya.

edit: for me, making the world better (however minutely), and community are important. I now stop & help/talk with homeless people and also started this site: https://www.spane.org

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