A question that helps me in these scenarios:
Is this thing going to matter 10/20 years from now? You'll be surprised how few things really matter in grand scheme of things.
Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?
31–40 of 59 posts
Re: Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?
#32This is what I learned from Dale Carnegie, which seems to help. Imagine the very worst thing that can possibly happen, and try to imagine your life with that reality. See that it's not actually so bad. Then, do everything you can to prevent that from actually happening. Taking action, instead of thinking about it, helps. Also, distract yourself with positive relationships and exercise. And a quote which is a little l…
Not sure if the part you suggested is from the book or not, but OP might want to read Dale Carnegie's How to Stop Worrying and Start Living book.
Re: Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?
#33Have you considered taking a break from worrying for a short period of time?
Set a timer for 1 minute and give yourself a vacation from the world. A total permission to drop worrying about anything, with the reassurance that no negative consequence will result from that 60-second interruption.
During this minute, notice any impulse to engage in fixing, improving, changing things in any way, and drop it. It’s helpful to visualize yourself dropping the thought off the edge of a cliff.
At the end of the 60 seconds look around and note that there are no disasters. Feel the sensations in your fingers and toes and notice that you’re safe from immediate danger.
This is a very practical approach of retraining the mind’s habit.
When this is easy, increase to 5 minutes. The timer is important as your mind needs the reassurance.
This is one practical way you can get out of anxiety loops. Attempt it and see what happens.
Worked for me. Now I am capable of dropping the worry at will.
Re: Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?
#34I identify with much of what you say. For a long time I did not have the skills to deal with these feelings. Now I do, but it's always hard. A lot of this I got from about 18 months of cognitive behavioral therapy.
Here are some general tips that work for me:
1. Feelings do not need to drive how I make decisions. I have them, and work on ways to let them pass.
2. To deal with things I worry about, I confront my worries by trying, making mistakes, and learning from the experience.
3. I get better at things I can control myself, practice finding alternative approaches for things I can't control, try to steer clear of stuff that is just gonna be a problem for me, and accept that sometimes I'm gonna have to endure shit that rolls my way
4. It's a lot easier to feel good when I'm actively seeking out things to enjoy, and lately I've found a lot of joy in pole dancing (and I'm 43 y/o overweight male couch potato!)
5. Unsecured debt sucks and always makes me feel like crap & that makes everything I do harder
I believe you can be a confident badass if you want to be. If you wanna vent w/o judgement, hear my story, or chat in general, my email is in my profile.
I wish you success on your journey to less angst & more satisfaction!
Re: Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?
#35Strip it back to basics.
What is worry? It is when you're compelled to react to a thought with more thoughts. The response is habitual. You cannot let the thoughts sail by without commenting on them.
So the real question is not how to stop worrying, but how to weaken the habit of reacting to specific thoughts.
I think takes time to find an approach that works -- to discover how to both weaken the habit and how to not strengthen it. It's a lifestyle change. Some trial and error is probably necessary.
I don't think there is a magic solution. Try various things, learn how your current mental life causes you to worry. You'll try something, and your worries might increase. So try something else. And when you notice that some change, after some time, has caused you to worry slightly less, stick with it.
Re: Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?
#36It sounds like you may be suffering from OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). One of the more common symptoms is excessive worrying about seemingly trivial things, to the point of becoming obsessed with ways in which they could go wrong, often coupled with excessive checking and avoiding certain situations. With OCD you can often intellectually identify things as real/fake, but another part of your mind takes over an…
This does not sound like OCD.
Re: Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?
#37Meditation can help you get meta on the process so that you can watch yourself getting worried and recognize it as something that is of the mind. As you start to see the patterns on how worry develops in your mind, you can start to choose your response. Once you can choose your response, you can decide if you want to take action or if you want to let them go. Once you are outside of the worry spiral and see it for wh…
sooo second on that
plus doing sports like jogging, stretching; this helped me a lot to calm me down and get rid of mood swings
Re: Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?
#38It's too bad I can't really recommend "Have your life ruined" as a cure for worrying, because it works like a charm. Not only do big, real problems put little, hypothetical ones out of your mind toute de suite, they also give you a chance to prove to yourself, in your handling of them, that you might possess enough wits, resources, badass characteristics, or simply patience with situations that truly suck ass, to actually handle most problems big or small, and know that you'll be pretty much okay no matter what happens.
Some people worry because of things they've been through, but if you're the type who worries about things you've never been through and will probably never go through, going through some actual shit will put an end to that. It worked for me. A several-year period that included the deaths of loved ones, long-term unemployment, divorce, etc., made me start focusing on what's important and, more to the point for your question, completely stop worrying about stuff that's not important. It sucked though, and it's really not the sort of thing you can plan, per se. But I came out of it and now it's like, yeah go ahead and try to threaten me... I'm not scared of anything after all that!
Re: Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?
#39A unorthodox idea from a guy that know nothing:
Turn your worries into histories. Make it a novel, comics, fan-fiction or similar. I'm too lazy and no even write then, just play it into the head. Because, what if somebody read about them!
> I also worry deeply about hypothetical situations that will probably never happen
This mean you are good at build plots! Take a look at https://worldbuilding.stackexchange.com/ and http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/search_result.php?q=plot.
For example, I was thinking this past week when I was into a stresfull bug hunting that turn to be a compiler bug (how unexpected!):
"but what if I'm a pacifist that enjoy kung-fu and live in a place where I can't decide to not fight?"
https://worldbuilding.stackexchange.com/questions/114706/mar...
And boom! is solved.
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Turning worries in histories allow to counter them. You can insert a hero, and let he handle it. Then, obviously, you will start worry more. "What if he need to defeat the dinousaur with lasers but a carnivorous-plant that is also poisoned with stuff that conveniently cause depression symptoms to the hero, now how can he fight it? AND IS RAINING!"
So, instead to fight all the time, you let it flow, but make it flow INTO A RIVER YOU OWN.
I don't say this work all the time, but is good for me.
Re: Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?
#40I think worry, anxiety and paranoia are normally healthy instincts (planning for the future) that got out of control. From the description, it sounds like that "circuit" has gone overdrive and this generally anxious state has become habitual.
As others have noted, and from my own experience, I believe you can self-program or (de-)hypnotize yourself, to enforce healthier thought/behavior patterns consciously. Sometimes, the help of others is just what you need, whether it's spouse, friend, or a professional. The unbalance ("disorder") could have hormonal/chemical causes too, so would recommend plenty of sunshine, exercise (oxygen), balanced diet, vitamins..
I'll also echo another commeter's emphasis on the value of humor to alleviate worries and have a more open outlook on life.