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Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?

#31

Post by anitil »

slededit wrote: post #4

If you focus on this at the point where you aren't getting what you want its too late. You need to build a relationship of trust before you ask for an exception or special request (in the eye of the manager not you). Your manager should know the following: - That if there is a problem you will always come to him/her first not try and work around him - That he can count on you to do what needs to be done. You will go…

This is just fantastic advice!

Edit to add: If you're wondering why your supervisor might be reticent to allow you to talk I can think of a couple of potential reasons. - They're worried you'll unintentionally leak something - They're worried you'll get hired - They're threatened by you - They want you focused

.... But the easiest way to find out is just to ask.

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?

#32

Post by powertorque »

Context is very important here. Have you always been denied for every talk? How frequently are you planning these talks and does it impact you work? Is there any trade secret/ IP the manager is concerned about? Is the company paying for everything and if so what are you giving back?

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?

#34

Post by singluere »

codingdave wrote: post #13

A few points come to mind: 1) It is none of your company's business what you do in your spare time, as long as you don't attach their name to it. However, if you are going to events to give talks using their name, their funding, or with time you have committed to them, then they do have some say in it. Whether or not their requests are reasonable comes down to the next point... 2) As other comments have said, "managi…

Thanks for the advice. I've been trying to improve communication on my end but somehow I feel it has not improved. Given the power dynamics in a manager/report relationship, I feel that with certain managers its more difficult to get on the same page.

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?

#36

Post by meheleventyone »

slededit wrote: post #18
AFNobody wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

- The manager and you have an equal relationship if you are any good at your job as you can replace the manager if you want to. - This whole "you must submit to your boss" attitude beyond performing the assigned tasks is absurd.

From the manager's POV, OP wants an exception to some policy (written or unwritten). If you want to get away with exceptions you need more than the normal adversarial relationship. There is a larger argument about whether you should even need an exception for this case, but the remedy for that is to find another job if you can't live with it. However your working life will be a lot easier if you learn to work around…

I think the thing that’s missing from this advice is a degree of compromise. Particularly if the policy is ‘unwritten’ aka the managers personal preference. Even with official policy many should be open to exceptions for good reason.

As an employee you won’t get latitude without pushing for it and often for minor things forgiveness can be better than permission. Which isn’t to say it’s a good idea to be adversarial or sneaky but that there is really no need to be walked on either.

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?

#37

Post by slededit »

meheleventyone wrote: post #36
slededit wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

From the manager's POV, OP wants an exception to some policy (written or unwritten). If you want to get away with exceptions you need more than the normal adversarial relationship. There is a larger argument about whether you should even need an exception for this case, but the remedy for that is to find another job if you can't live with it. However your working life will be a lot easier if you learn to work around…

I think the thing that’s missing from this advice is a degree of compromise. Particularly if the policy is ‘unwritten’ aka the managers personal preference. Even with official policy many should be open to exceptions for good reason. As an employee you won’t get latitude without pushing for it and often for minor things forgiveness can be better than permission. Which isn’t to say it’s a good idea to be adversarial o…

I didn't focus on OP because he already knows what he wants. Most people need help emphasizing with the other person not with their own wants/desires and compromise requires empathy. There are situations where someone is being over-accommodating and getting walked over but I didn't get that from the tone of the question.

Asking forgiveness later is another advanced level topic but it generally goes hand in hand with a good working relationship that has already been established. Without that its a quick way to get reprimanded or fired.

Remember, at the end of the day you are spending time on this specifically to get what you want. Its not an altruistic act for your manager.

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?

#39

Post by nilkn »

You've jumped all the way to trying to micromanage your boss, which is inherently a politically explosive undertaking, but where you actually should be is just asking much more straightforward questions: why don't they want you to give the talk? Maybe they're trying to sabotage your career progress, but maybe there are legitimate concerns about the content of the talk (e.g., exposing secret sauce internal methods to competitors in an extremely public way) or maybe they just don't want to grant the budget to send you.

To expand beyond this, generally the way to "manage" your boss is to get to the point where they don't have to manage you. While you won't formally or hierarchically be on an equal footing with them, informally you will be because at that point you can have a continuous ongoing relationship based on mutual trust.

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?

#40

Post by mathattack »

Lots of good advice on the thread.

I would add...

1) Proactively give a weekly written status with goals for the week, what you accomplished, what you didn’t, what you need from them, and what you are waiting on for others.

2) If the damage is irreparable, time to transfer or leave.

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