Ask HN: Why did you choose not to have children?

I do not know the meaning of life. I do not what to perform a serious action without knowing the reason.

My mother is urging me to have a child. Her major argument is that when I get old, no one would take care of me. But I think that’s selfish thinking. The purpose of a new life shouldn’t be taking care of another person.

I’m impatient with children too. I stay away from relatives’ children during reunions. I hardly find joy interacting with them.

I started dating my now wife when I was 37 and she was 35. She had two kids who were 8 and 14. That was 7 years ago.

One of the first discussions we had was did I desire to have children "of my own". I said I didn't and she didn't want to "start over".

I love my step children and became very close almost immediately. I don't feel like I'm missing anything by not having my own biological kids.

But, at 37 - we married less than 8 months after we started dating - I knew I was selfish. Not financially, but I knew I wanted to have plenty of time to enjoy life with just my wife.

With kids that age, we've always been able to balance alone time and family time. We could leave our kids at home when we went out and even left them home alone over the weekend when my older child turned 16.

I'll be 46 when my younger child graduates. My wife and I have our whole life ahead of us.

I've never like babies. I wouldn't deal with babies in my own family until they were potty trained and talking. To me babies just limit what I can do in life and the freedom I enjoy.

Late 30's, female, never wanted children.

When I was very young, that preference was inspired by a conscious rejection of the roles society had set for me ("wife and mother").

As an adult, that stance has weakened (if I'm choosing something because I want it rather than because someone's telling me too, it's still my choice). But I've come to believe that I would be a terrible mother. In part because I can't stand children and the noise they make; in part because I don't want them enough to be willing to make the sacrifices of time, energy, and other resources that are necessary to raise a child; in part because I'm both uninterested in and just plain terrible at nurturing.

If I had found a life partner who wanted kids badly enough, I might have had them. He would probably have to have committed in advance to being the primary caregiver, though. I'm much more comfortable in the role of breadwinner than nurturer.

Regrets? Not at all. Sometimes a vague concern about being lonely and without a financial safety net in old age, but that seems to me to also be a terrible reason to have children.

The impression I get is that women are more expected to want children, so not wanting them is seen as more transgressive. Additionally, women have a shorter timeframe in which to have children, so the pressure intensifies after age 30 in a way that it may not for men.

However, parents want grandchildren from their male and female children equally, and pressure from friends is applied to a couple as a couple, not as individuals.