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Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

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Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

#31

Post by ghuntley »

Hi Tevlon;

Talking about this type of stuff is okay. You took a chance in writing this up and no doubt it took a lot of effort. Please don't be embarrassed. You have taken the right first step.

If you want a way to self-measure/reflect on how you got to this place, then please read https://opensource.com/business/15/12/avoid-burnout-live-hap... but unfortunately in your current position/state it's not going to be possible to be self-aware/objective. The internet isn't the right avenue and this isn't the first time you have brought up this topic [1]

PLEASE start listening to yourself and make the change you need in your life happen by picking up the phone and seeking medical advice. If they don't handle this matter with respect, care and compassion needed, then fuck those guys. Pick up the phone again and find someone who will listen and that wants to help you get through this. You got this; if you can ask a bunch of strangers for help then you can ask a medical professional. No excuses. Asking a bunch of strangers for help without anonymity takes guts.

Burnout is often difficult for some to self-diagnose (typically as they always find other reasons to justify their symptoms) but the good news is when you have experienced burnout; you can often see it in other people. When you do, you should step in and help. Get through this, then you can help others because you have been there and can recognise the signs.

[1] https://news.ycombinator.com/submitted?id=tevlon

Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

#34

Post by android521 »

Lordarminius wrote: post #4

You are almost 30 years old, will soon have a masters degree from a university in a first world nation, have worked several jobs on apart-time basis and do not have a wife whom you do not love, or kids you can not support to tie you down. You owe a miserly Euro20k in debt which you can quite easily pay off ( for instance by not buying a car in the next 1.5 yrs). You are young full of promise, healthy and educated. Yo…

well said

Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

#35

Post by allenleee »

I was in your position 10 years ago while I was studying Finance. I wanna be a successful trader so bad then but have no clue how to achieve it. After college, I went to military service for almost 3 yrs. I have nothing then but I told myself never give up my life.

After that, I became a trader and the $ I earned was way more than the friends who got into the market earlier than me can earn.

Don't give up , then you will have everything you want in your life later.

Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

#36

Post by rdlecler1 »

I was in a similar situation. Graduated with a PhD in computational biology in 2009. Applied for hundreds of jobs. No one was hiring. I was 36 years old, in debt, with no work experience, and I missed my window to get work experience and I've been unhireable ever since.

First get some help, there's medication that can help with anxiety. Right now you're in a death spiral: You can't sleep which causing stress, which is causing you to loose sleep. Some medication will calm you down enough where you can start to get a grip back on reality. This dread you are feeling is stress induced so you need to deal with that first.

Second, you want to think about finding a lifeline, something to give you some stability. You don't need to shoot for the stars on a dream job right now. Maybe that includes doing some lab-assistant work at the university. See what kinds of clubs there are in your school, maybe consulting clubs or investment banking clubs, or entrepreneur clubs.

$20,000 may feel like a lot of debt, but many Americans have hundreds of thousands in debt when they graduate. Just make sure you dial back and live under your means.

Finally, you still have time on your side. I didn't start my PhD until I was 30 and while I felt my life was over at 36 when I graduated and I resented the years off sacrifice for no payoff, there are opportunities out there. I took a very low paying job to get back on my feet, and eventually I founded a startup that has had some minor success so far. What'a important to turning the corner is to find a ray of hope. If you can do that, whatever you're going through today doesn't feel that bad.

From all of this I also met my wonderful wife and I can't imagine my life without her. I would have ever met if life had 'worked out' as I had planned. Sometimes these hard roads bring you to the place you really need to be. Stick with it and I promise you that you'lol get back to being in a good place. This is just like having a cold or the flu. It will pass.

Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

#37

Post by burnerofcourse »

I tried to kill myself once. I had lost all my coping mechanisms and convinced myself that not only was killing myself the only way out, but that no one would care if I did. I am not ashamed of what I did but I regret it immensely. It's hard to reconcile the fact that I would have lost so much with the feeling at that time that I would lose nothing.

I don't know what I can say that will have any meaning to you, insofar as I dismissed everything said to me at that time in my own life, but I'll say this: believe it or not, you have exclusive control over whether you have the opportunity for your life to improve. All you have to do is give yourself the opportunity by whatever means possible. All you have to do is wake up tomorrow morning.

Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

#38

Post by combatentropy »

I know this might sound weird, but try volunteering.

First I would say, call that suicide hotline. Get some emotional support, whether through confiding in family or friends, perhaps a therapist --- but there is a lot of questionable psych advice out there. Be careful. If it doesn't make sense, don't just blindly accept it. Keep seeking more and more truth in your life, though. (If you think reading might help, I like any book by Dr. Chris Thurman.)

But yeah, volunteering can help at least some people. It gets your mind off yourself and likewise helps make a difference in another's life. That is the centerpiece of meaning in nearly everyone's life: making a difference in the world.

Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

#39

Post by dvtv75 »

dbg31415 wrote: post #28
DanBC wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your post is incredibly cruel in the context of someone who has disclosed suicidal intent.

Having been through some of the stuff the guy wrote about... I don't think coddling is the right tone. If you let someone who is depressed tell you how bad and horrible their life is... and you agree or buy into that... things look bleak. The last thing you want to do is validate that shit-spiral that sinks a person deeper into despair and helplessness. If you tell them to cut the bullshit self-pity and take action,…

A friend of mine was once told "toughen up" by a psychiatric nurse while on suicide watch.

Another nurse, on the same watch, gave him a bottle of sleeping pills that she never retrieved.

He's dead now.

Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

#40

Post by dvtv75 »

imranq wrote: post #14
dbg31415 wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Friends are too close to you, and typically buy your bullshit. When you are down, your narrative is highly skewed by your perspective. You need someone a little farther away for objectivity. Someone who realizes that anything you say is probably your shit-side talking, and has no real basis in reality. If you can't afford a shrink... or are traveling... I've found that your nearest Rabbi or Catholic Priest will gener…

Also want to add to make sure to SLEEP WELL. Just as there's advice to have a waking routine, have a sleeping routine too. Sleep at a set time with no screen use for ah hour before. Additionally drink green tea and focus on a plant based diet.

Don't know about the rest of it, but when I'm at my worst (and that happens a bit these days), a good solid night of sleep can work wonders. It's no substitute for professional help when you need it, but it can help get things in perspective for long enough to get the help your friends and family NEED you to get.
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