Not comparing yourself is one thing, but you should also question your values and goals. If you think interning at top companies is a good thing, you could try to also intern at a top company. Just one example.
Ask HN: How do I stop comparing myself to others?
31–40 of 79 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do I stop comparing myself to others?
#32Comparing to others is not the problem.
Focusing on differences is.
The solution is to focus on similarities instead of differences.
By focusing on differences, you will always find something to let you feel inferior, let you stop tackling new things, maybe even saying things to others you do not really mean because you feel down at that moment. By focusing on similarities, you will boost yourself. You will see that others are not that different from you.
When you changed your regular comparison strategy for some time, you might even notice that focusing on differences, in the context of a retrospective is not that bad. It gives you the chance to grow.
Re: Ask HN: How do I stop comparing myself to others?
#33There are many good answers in this Quora thread: https://www.quora.com/How-can-you-overcome-your-envy-of-peop... As many comments on this page suggest, try to stop worrying about what's outside of your control. You can't control if someone else is a better programmer or started coding at a younger age. But you can control what you study, how hard you study, how hard you practice outside of school, etc. If you work h…
Yes, this echoes something Worf once said, "Thinking about what you can't control only wastes energy and creates its own enemy."
Re: Ask HN: How do I stop comparing myself to others?
#34I strongly recommend that you read some Epicurus, Epictetus and Seneca ;) Start with Senecas "On the Happy Life"
Phenomenal, and highfive to you, my friend. This is I think some of the best advice in here. I also draw a lot from Marcus Aurelius. The main body of literature of his (Meditations) was actually his personal journal. It is highly likely that he never intended on having those works published. There is really something profound in the stoic way of life that transcends time and stabs at the heart of humanity. What great advice!
Re: Ask HN: How do I stop comparing myself to others?
#35Well, you should start by stopping reading Hacker News, because it's clearly not good for you in your current mental state. I promise, you won't miss anything important. Next, take some of your time and go volunteer somewhere - go tutor a child or teach someone to read or feed the homeless or whatever else you like, just go help someone out. You're now accomplishing something way more important than interning with so…
Consider using this Adblock/uBlock filter:
news.ycombinator.com##td.subtext
(It also tidies up the homepage and makes it look a lot cleaner, IMO: http://i.imgur.com/RzHKD2d.png)
Re: Ask HN: How do I stop comparing myself to others?
#36What's that quote again, 'while in his 30s Julius Caesar once cried because he felt he hadn't done a tenth of what Alexander the Great had done at the same age'? Don't worry about people being faster than you. Build simple sites/apps (read Pat Flynn's blog rather than HN), see which one sticks, and improve it over time. Don't hope for a massive success, build something simple but useful to a limited audience. That's what I did when I was 22 and that site is about to turn into a business + the skills I learnt got me a freelancing gig which eventually got me hired. It's not an easy path, but it's meaningful. Easy paths such as marrying your high school sweetheart and getting hired at a top company in your 20s do look great, but they aren't making these people any more acquainted with the lengthy process of building great things.
Re: Ask HN: How do I stop comparing myself to others?
#37"I'm really impatient to achieve big things. It's like I need to in order to justify my existence. "
First, you are a human being, whose worth is not tied to how much money you have, how fancy CV you have or how high grades you have. You are valuable and precious just as you are. You might be a bit lost, and that's ok, most of us are at one time or another.
I'm writing this as a person who felt maybe just as bad as you did at your age.
I don't want to hurt your feelings but "Achieving big things" is not a life goal. It's a posthumous statement in an obituary. And a lot of people who are described as achieving big things actually felt they failed miserably.
Take, for instance Ghandi - he had pretty radical goals in terms of India and he felt he failed most of them. His tactic of non-violence and a fantastically successful publicity campaign of personality cult got him in to the history books for good but as for the goals he drove - a perpetually rural, united india - did not really happen (and I think it was a good thing too). And most of the hype around him was due to other people choosing to idolize him - not him, himself, doing a shitload of extravagant extraordinary work.
Your friends, by the way? Their fancy internships? You are just trapped in an association loop when idolizing them. You attach a positive value to the brands of the corporations, and by your friends interning there this association leaks to them. Then you recognize you do not have this direct associative link, and feel bad about it. Although - it's all just happening in your mind. You are jealous of their life story. But please recognize - the giants of world history have had mostly pretty shitty and ordinary lives, and are remembered mostly due to a stroke of luck, or, due to a fact that they tenaciously drove towards their own personal goal that for some historical fluke happened to be in synchronicity with the current world events.
Now, how fantastic are your friends actually? Maybe some of them got better grades - so what.
It does not mean they are better than you. It's just that they score higher on a specific arbitrary metric due to their life circumstances and history at this point in time. Arbitrary - because let's face it, large systems are not fair, nor are they designed to be. The system of education, the system of economy, the system of government - they are all fabrications with emergent properties no one can really control exactly.
We are all corks ebbing in the ocean of life. Sometimes the current takes us forward, sometimes not. The thing is, you cannot choose who you are, but, you can daily choose what you do.
"How do I transition to a healthier state of mind and stop feeling worthless?"
I think you might need therapist or meditation for that.
As a self help book I can heartily recommend "The science of happiness" by Rick Hanson. (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00DVW8VN2?keywords=science...)
Personally, for me, professionally - I needed to find something that I found was intrinsically motivating. Luckily I did, in computational physics and computer graphics and this gave me intrinsic motivation to play around with things and find stuff out. I'm not hugely successful but I have a good career and feed my family. I would not have had half a good career unless I had found something compelling. I do hope you find something that interests you!
The difference with external and internal motivators is that while both compel you to action, fulfilling external motivators usually suck you energy while internal ones give it to you.
I found Richard Feynmans* self autobiographical writings assuring. While they are an attempt at self-aggrandization at painting an image of "the cleverest person in the room" they also discuss deeply personal matters of death, loss, de-motivation and ways to cope with it. When Feynman felt down, he tried to find something he could find interest in playing with - no matter how silly or trivial. I've followed this same protocol throughout my life and found it a good course when things look bleak. Play!
*"What Do You Care What Other People Think?" and "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!" by Richard Feynman.
Re: Ask HN: How do I stop comparing myself to others?
#38The multiplicity of casual friendships online has led to an interesting new phenomenon: Because people preferentially broadcast their successes, we tend to get the feeling that everybody else is more successful than ourselves. I don't think you can avoid comparing yourself to others; what you can do is try to keep in mind that life is a mix of good and bad, and even if all you manage to do is avoid the worst of the b…
I appreciate your openness Colin, thanks.
Re: Ask HN: How do I stop comparing myself to others?
#39The multiplicity of casual friendships online has led to an interesting new phenomenon: Because people preferentially broadcast their successes, we tend to get the feeling that everybody else is more successful than ourselves. I don't think you can avoid comparing yourself to others; what you can do is try to keep in mind that life is a mix of good and bad, and even if all you manage to do is avoid the worst of the b…
> When you inevitably compare yourself to others, remember that there's probably a lot you're not hearing about them.
This is exactly why it's useless to compare yourself to others --> incomplete data (or even worse, pre-selected data).
There have been a lot of posts which seem to advise against comparisons.
I'd argue that a comparison isn't bad for you per se, it's the data you are comparing your life/achievements to that can lead to problems because of a lack of transparency.
Why not keep comparing, but compare your current self to yourself at timepoint t-1, t-2...
Also, try to set schedules for when you compare and which facets of your life you are comparing (eg. health, education, 'job success' etc on a bimonthly basis).
Last word of warning --> most people tend to make comparisons when they are feeling 'down'. Don't let this kind of expectation bias screw with you - try to leave comparisons until you are in a moderate or positive mood.
Re: Ask HN: How do I stop comparing myself to others?
#40The multiplicity of casual friendships online has led to an interesting new phenomenon: Because people preferentially broadcast their successes, we tend to get the feeling that everybody else is more successful than ourselves. I don't think you can avoid comparing yourself to others; what you can do is try to keep in mind that life is a mix of good and bad, and even if all you manage to do is avoid the worst of the b…
This man has been on Facebook and has seen right through it.