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Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

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Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#291

Post by kbelder »

skyzyx wrote: post #235

There are a lot of these that I would agree with as well. These days, my daughter is 21, and my son is 17. Here are some things that I’ve learned that I haven’t seen mentioned yet. 1. Don’t make a habit of being quiet because the baby is asleep. Go about your day, do the things you normally do, and talk at your normal voice. This will allow the child to become accustomed to having noise around when they’re trying to…

I can tell this is a veteran child-raiser. You would do well to listen to his advice.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#292

Post by AlexTrask »

schwartzworld wrote: post #28
uniqueuid wrote: post #6

Great question. Read the answers but remember that it's wildly different for everybody. That said: The life and death matters (sorry): - Never shake your kid, ever - Sudden infant death is partly genetic (not your risk/fault), but still: no toys, pillows, plush animals in the crib -> risk of suffocating The luxury matters: - Breastfeeding does make a difference. If you can manage, try to do it - Don't worry. Whatever…

> Breastfeeding does make a difference. The difference it makes is measurable, but there are lots of other factors. On a macro scale, it absolutely makes sense to encourage breastfeeding, but mothers who can't or don't want to nurse can feel a lot of pressure and shame about it. Nursing feels like a big decision, but on an individual scale the only thing that's important is: is the baby getting their nutritional need…

In my experience with nursing everybody plans this as a binary election nursing / formula when you can mix it and do 80% nursing 20% formula

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#293

Post by jmpman »

ranko wrote: post #53
dbingham wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't tell your wives, tell the owners/operators of the establishment. Don't give in to that kind of societal inequality - change it.

I think OP was suggesting that if you hint (or state explicitly) that men's restrooms are unsuitable for nappy changing, you'll be able to avoid an unpleasant chore (by pushing it onto your partner). Honestly, changing nappies isn't that bad, particularly for your own child, and even if it was, this is a pretty selfish attitude to take.

I’ve changed plenty of diapers… also enjoy a good power play with my wife.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#294

Post by jmpman »

There are some educational videos to learn the sounds of your babies cry’s. It’s a huge relief when you can tell the difference between a tired cry, a hungry cry, and a distress cry. Takes all of 30 minutes to learn, but the best time we invested before our newborns arrived.

Later, teach them baby sign language. It’s incredible how much they can say with sign language. And even today, I can ask my 15 year old if he’s like a glass of milk in baby sign language, and he remember exactly what I’m asking.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#295

Post by samtheDamned »

kazinator wrote: post #242
RyanOD wrote: post #140

I'm sure some of this was already mentioned, but here it goes... Read to your children. We set a goal of reading 100 novels to our daughters. We're at #80 and the girls are 13 and 11. Create some traditions. Whenever either of our daughters lost a tooth, I'd write a letter from the tooth fairy. The letters offered advice, humor, fairy "facts" and even maps to buried treasure they could go dig up. In retrospect, I wis…

Eleven years olds should be long into the age of reading novels on their own.

I was able to read early on in my childhood but I still enjoyed reading with my parents around that age. As you learn to read yourself it shifts from being read _to_ and instead to reading with your family.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#296

Post by JSoet »

irrational wrote: post #152

You will not get any sleep for a long long time. Our oldest didn’t sleep through the night until she was 7! The rest learned to sleep through the night much quicker, but still… get all the sleep while you can now. But, do keep in mind that this too shall pass. All of my kids are old enough that it has been years since I was last kept from getting a full nights sleep because of the kids. Do not try to be quiet around…

Also on the sleep topic, I would recommend discussing with your SO about how you plan to deal with lack of sleep and increased stress _before_ the baby arrives. When the baby arrives you will quickly be thrown into a high stress situation where both people are operating on very short fuses and things can easily be misinterpreted. Take some time to discuss beforehand what is expected of each other, and how you can plan to deal with lack of sleep and increased stress, so that you hopefully have a plan of attack before you're in the thick of things

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#297

Post by morsch »

bergenty wrote: post #285
itsmemattchung wrote: post #46

An honest reflection of being a father for the last 2.5 years: 1. Sometimes for no apparent reason, you'll start crying 2. Parenting is a constant cycle of ups and downs 3. Ask for help (it really does take a village) 4. Friends and family (even with good intentions) will always find something to nit-pick about your parenting style 5. Having a child will test your relationship with your partner and reveal that you tw…

What the hell is this? Everything is hard, prepare for pain, work hard on relationship blah blah. Calm down, it’s not rocket science, people have been doing this forever. I have two kids and I can honestly say it’s actually really easy. Yes, they are not teenagers so maybe things get harder then but so far so good. > 1. Sometimes for no apparent reason, you'll start crying Give me a break, this is cringe.

It's real easy when your partner does all the work.

Agreed. The term partner is really not what men are looking for. We’re looking for a wife— take care of my house and children, be attractive and cook. If you’re intelligent more the better.

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31965561

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#298

Post by newfathertwins »

sparrish wrote: post #117

The one thing I wish someone would have told me with my first is that it's OK if you don't feel an immediate connection or affection to your newborn. I was expecting to immediately fall in love with the little bundle but his blank stare was a little creepy. No one told me they don't smile or express any emotion, other than pissed off when they're crying. I was expecting him to smile and be happy when he saw me. When…

Any tips about homeschooling? I am a father of one year old twins. I also work from home to spend time with them.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#299

Post by euroderf »

RyanOD wrote: post #140

I'm sure some of this was already mentioned, but here it goes... Read to your children. We set a goal of reading 100 novels to our daughters. We're at #80 and the girls are 13 and 11. Create some traditions. Whenever either of our daughters lost a tooth, I'd write a letter from the tooth fairy. The letters offered advice, humor, fairy "facts" and even maps to buried treasure they could go dig up. In retrospect, I wis…

Just want to chime in that Lego is evil. Consumerist crap and the models don't even hold together properly. Try to get a decent metal construction kit. Some old Meccano or Erector set maybe. Nuts & bolts & gears & structural members. None of this obey-the-pictures-and-press-together-all-of-Dads-money stuff.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#300

Post by czue »

irrational wrote: post #152

You will not get any sleep for a long long time. Our oldest didn’t sleep through the night until she was 7! The rest learned to sleep through the night much quicker, but still… get all the sleep while you can now. But, do keep in mind that this too shall pass. All of my kids are old enough that it has been years since I was last kept from getting a full nights sleep because of the kids. Do not try to be quiet around…

Sleep is definitely a huge issue when they're very small. I would recommend looking into sleep training and some version of letting them learn to self-sooth (aka "cry it out"). It's not for everyone and it can be emotionally difficult on the parents, but typically within just 3 days you can get your kid sleeping through the night and it sticks ~forever. Do a little reading on the topic, and make sure you're prepared to sit through the crying without intervening and your kid is old enough. We did this with both our kids around 6 months and they have slept soundly through the night ever since (oldest is now almost 4). Biggest life upgrade of our parenting experience.
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