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Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

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Re: Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

#291
post #274
post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had mediocre dental care for most of my life. Not bad, but I never liked it. I got my first crown, was supposed to get two. It was traumatic. It didn’t feel good. I was depressed. I found a dentist recommendation. Visited him, he looked at my teeth and said while it all met “the standard of care”, some of the old work would eventually need to be replaced, and the crown fit could be improved, and the other crown I n…

I asked a dental hygienist about this: "Why is there a focus on relaxed, spa-like dental practices? Who are these people who are scared of the dentist?" She said it absolutely came down to past experiences. Apparently there are some really shitty dentists out there, in the sense of causing unpleasant experiences. If you didn't get one of those as a child, you have no problem with visiting the dentist. If you did, den…

Yes, I had a rough-handed dentist as a child, and in one year, had to have a bunch of cavities filled. It felt like a horror show to me.

I don't care about the facilities themselves... but when looking for a dentist now I've put it out directly that I have a past fear of dentistry, and I've been assigned a hygienist who has a more careful bedside manner than others. It says right on my chart that I'm anxious about dentistry. The newest doc I've had to switch to was diligent about noting it and talking me through, acknowledging where I was coming from. Metal on teeth is also a thing for me.

I'm pretty much over the hump now, but it was an effort to work through it. A few good offices who where explicit in their response to my feelings did wonders, too.

Re: Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

#292

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I'd suggest, be true to yourself, be true to your ethics. This. You will forget the people who hurt you. But you will remember the people you hurt. You will accept the things you tried and failed. But you will regret not trying. Going against your ethics will leave scars on your soul, and the reasons for doing so will seem so stupid in hindsight. But it takes some time to find your true ethics, and separate it from…

>You will forget the people who hurt you. But you will remember the people you hurt. Could you elaborate on this? It seems like the exact opposite to me, I would more likely remember someone who hurt me than someone I've hurt, which in most cases I wouldn't even know I hurt them.

I meant only the things I am aware of. (And excluding the category of people who deserved it.)

Simply said, if someone hurts me, it means the person is an asshole. If I hurt someone, it means I am an asshole. The latter fact is more important to me, because a) I care about myself more than about other people, and b) I will have to live with myself for every day of my life, while other people will come and go.

Once I hurt a random bystander, because I wanted to fit with a group of cool kids, and they decided they didn't like his face. Yep. I am not the kind of person who does this often, and I would want so much to say that I am the kind of person who would never do it... but I lost the right to say those words since that day, irrevocably, forever.

And what did I gain in return? Pretty much nothing. It didn't win me a group of cool friends, mostly because those kids soon stopped being friends with each other, and some even turned into bitter enemies. Using the wisdom of hindsight, many of them were a lousy friend material in the first place. A few years later, life took us in different directions, and I haven't seen them since. These days, finding and contacting them using social networks would be trivial, but I just don't care anymore.

If I could turn back time and use the wisdom of hindsight, I wouldn't give a fuck about the cool kids, and would say "hello" to the stranger instead. And, who knows, there is a chance I would have found a good friend. -- But now, whenever I notice I betrayed my ideals again, I remember that day as the symbolic moment when I wandered off the path of righteousness.

Compared to this, situations when other people hurt me seem less important, often didn't have long-lasting consequences, and sometimes even turned into something good! For example, a girlfriend cheated on me with my friend, and a few other mutual friends knew about this, but no one said a word to me. Then I got some evidence, and after connecting the dots I realized they all have been making fun of me for quite some time, making hints to each other I didn't understand. That hurt!

So I broke contact with all of them, and drowned my sorrow in workaholism. A few years later, I had more money than most of my former friends combined. Then I burned out, so I decided to slow down and enjoy life again, made new friends (much better ones), and new girlfriends, and lived happily ever after. :) One day, I met my former friends, we had a beer in a pub, I watched them and listened to their stories, and realized they were a bunch of losers, and they unknowingly did me a great favor by preventing me from becoming one of them. Never met them again; don't care.

Which of these stories was better, speaking from a completely selfish perspective? The one where I hurt someone, or the one where I got hurt? And this is the lesson about ethics that young people sometimes don't get. Ethics is not merely another bullshit that adults tell you as a part of their neverending attempts to manipulate you. Strong internal ethics is the thing that allows you to navigate through hard times, and then look in the mirror and feel good about yourself (and have a story where you are the good guy). Lack of ethics makes you weak, and tempts you to sacrifice parts of your soul for things that will feel worthless much sooner than you can imagine at the moment.

Re: Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

#293
Bill Gates Sr. answered the question this way: I can relate to the answer the late Bruce Bliven, a former editor of the New Republic, was reported to have given when someone asked him what it felt like to be an old man. He said, “I don't feel like an old man. I feel like a young man with something the matter with him.”

How do you avoid, prevent or postpone getting "something the matter" with you? I second what others in this thread have said: attend to diet and exercise, take care not to injure your eyes, ears, back or knees. Diet might be the most important place to start - have a look at https://gamechangersmovie.com/

Re: Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

#295
(1) Trust your instincts. Really listen to that inner voice.

(2) I forget.

No wait! I remember! Be really careful who you have kids with (see item (1)). Most mistakes you can walk away from, but when an innocent human life (or two) is involved, you don't get to just reset.

(3) Bonus free advice (NOW how much would you pay?): Invest for the long term. Consider total return. Don't try to time the stock market.

Re: Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

#296
post #280

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Insomnia is a sign of a deteriorating mental health, you should focus on that instead of trying to hide it.

Do you have any references for that? Can't insomnia be caused by various things? In my case I'm pretty sure it was the consequence of sleeping comfortably long in the morning and waking up at irregular times.

"Insomnia" can even be a sign of healthiness. It is often to see people experiencing a smaller need sleep while on ketosis/low-carb diet. I've been sleeping 5-6 hours every day for the past 2 years and although it bothers me (because I liked to sleep a lot and still enjoy it), I don't feel tired all day. Usually I also take a 30minutes nap around 1pm.

Re: Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

#297

Losing weight or gaining muscle mass gets harder and harder as you age so the older you get so its important to keep a diet and exercise routine that keeps you at a good condition cause letting go makes things go bad much quicker and takes way more effort to get back in shape.

On the other hand, you should accept that you'll go frail, so it's better to not tie your career to being fit if you can help it. Unless you earn tons of money and can retire by 40, all debts paid.

If you stay fit after 40, ageism is not going to be a problem for you, as you will always be seen as a senior/reference for the younger.

Re: Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

#298

Trust no one, just because you work well with someone doesn’t mean they like you.

I take the opposite, trust first, treat others like you want the best for them. Be so detached from material goods that it would be hard for someone to hurt you, intentionally or not.

Both are the same mindset. Trust but limit the damage is the same as not really trusting.

Re: Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

#299
post #11

Try to eat well. I had no 'dietary education' from my family (basically it was an "eat what you like, when you like") and at 44 I fiscally felt so bad that I went to my doctor saying "I need to be checked as I think I have something really bad". I went through a number of checks and I was fine. This was also worsened as I am not obese, so I did not connect in a first instance my feeling bad with my eating habits. I d…

I would add that healthy diet is not something complicated. I wish I know about it much earlier. Here is the basic concept: https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/healthy-eating-... . Just split your plate (approximately of a hand size in diameter) on 4 parts: 2 parts vegetables, 1 is protein/meat, 1 is for carbs (should not be overcooked, just slightly undercooked to not transform it into fast digesting food).…

Do you get it that he said his diet is silly to avoid people trying to explain him how to diet, right? But nobody fasting really believes that eating 3, 4, 6x a day is the right choice. Even more with 3 servings of carbs (one fully digestible, 2 not).

Re: Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

#300

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The sea water was causing scar tissue? I’m confused.

I'm guessing air trapped in the ear canal can cause stretching damage when under water?

Judging from experience with my own ears, cold is the primary irritant.
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