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Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#281

Post by moomoo11 »

lolinder wrote: post #150
ozim wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Gorilla in the room are other f*ng parents. You can prevent as much as you want but then kids go to school nd everyone else has accounts they should not have or devices they should not have and your kids are angry at you because now you are the bad guy.

The best thing my parents ever did for me was cultivate a sense of familial superiority. Other families had the TV on all the time, but we read books instead because we were 'better'. Other kids did drugs and drank, but we were better than that. Peer pressure didn't have much of an impact on me because I was raised to believe that I was better than 'that' for most values of 'that'. And my parents never had to force m…

This truly works.

And honestly we live in a competitive, entropic world. Why some people so sensitive? Maybe because it’s true?

So yes. Some people are better than others, not due to some intrinsic features but because they cultivate some self defining attributes that set them apart from the rest.

I know there are definitely trashy, destructive, and self-imposed low class people. I don’t associate with them. I am not bothered nor do I lose sleep thinking about them. There are others who have everything but decide to be losers and awful people. Again, not my problem and not my associations. Maybe we work together. But we aren’t friends beyond whatever means to an end.

They chose whatever they did today. I did what I chose today and I’ll be going to sleep happy af and refreshed for tomorrow.

Another day to crush and a life to enjoy.

And I yearn to be even better tomorrow.

No drugs. No junk food. Discipline. Experiences over screen addiction. Learning and growing. Cherishing life and its fine moments. Not every day is perfect, but at least each day is constructive.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#282

Post by noufalibrahim »

ta1243 wrote: post #55
noufalibrahim wrote: post #28

No phones or SM accounts for kids till they turn 18. Yes, there's a "fear" of being an outcast but they work their way around that quickly and if they have other things to spend time on, they'll be fine. The "need" for social media is mostly FOMO.

Do you have kids in double digits? Our senior schools (from age 11, "6th grade" in US term) literally mandate a phone (not a computer, an actual phone) for school, both to use in class and to receive homework assignments.

Yes. I have kids. I'm not in the US. My kids school sends homework using an app. I get it on my phone, take printouts etc. and my kids get the work done.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#283

Post by jacobgkau »

NetOpWibby wrote: post #131

I wish I had something helpful to add. My teenager has been involved with inappropriate texting with an assuming friend and the textual contents were, quite frankly, disturbing. Therapists say that this is normal these days. Our teen has refused to stop being friends with this person and even suggested that we just get over it. To that end, her phone is locked down with ScreenTime limits but she's somehow getting mor…

Therapists can be super hit-and-miss. Like schoolteachers, they may seem like they should be domain experts, but they're often just normal people working a job. And it's extremely frustrating to think you're doing the right thing by going to get help (be it for yourself or others), only to be told that there's nothing to be done, not even a suggestion.

I wish you and your family luck!

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#284

Post by dmitrygr »

dchichkov wrote: post #203
ozim wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Gorilla in the room are other f*ng parents. You can prevent as much as you want but then kids go to school nd everyone else has accounts they should not have or devices they should not have and your kids are angry at you because now you are the bad guy.

Another Gorilla is the schools, teachers and state-approved recommendations, that extend their reach even into private schools. Imagine my frustration one day, when I've discovered that my kindergartner has full access to a brand-new, shiny iPad during class. Despite complaints from parents, the teacher refused to reduce iPad usage (or even activate Screen Distance and Screen Time controls on the iPad, or share usage…

There is a sister thread on HN currently asking why people homeschool. Welcome to the conversation.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#285

Post by jacobgkau »

nytesky wrote: post #218

Partly it’s having a constant discussion about society, the world, and news in general. We talk about how advertisers are trying to manipulate you, social media can be addicting and is also trying to manipulate you, etc. Not an angry way, a discussion, like how magnets work or how rain forms. Just the facts ma’am. As for permissions, my oldest avoided all social media except iMessage (because for her age that is esse…

> We will probably allow Snapchat soon since it’s becoming the new “basic” connection — I’ve not used it, so does it have a feed and likes?

Just an FYI, from the couple of times I've tried using it and been shown it by friends, Snapchat is essentially just as much of a feed-based social media as Instagram or anything else these days. It's not just a "basic connection" with DM'ing. Instagram also has a DM's page, and I know people who use the DM feature heavily, but that's obviously not the extent of Instagram.

(Part of the problem with drawing that line is that even apps that started out as private messaging only, such as Telegram or LINE, often eventually add public channels and stories where it turns into more of a feed.)

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#286

Post by jacobgkau »

nytesky wrote: post #215
Benjamin_Dobell wrote: post #158

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Just like children of smokers know their smoking parents telling them not to smoke are full of shit. Wait. Surely these aren't the same. My dad smoked and always told us he'd kick our ass if we started smoking. From as young as I can remember, I understood it was bad and that he was addicted, he had tried, and would continue to try to quit numerous times. He didn't often smoke in front of us when we were young. He…

I begged my parents to quit smoking for a decade, and they finally did when I was 12. I am so sensitive and triggered to smoke even as a middle aged man, it just smells so awful to me, even the hint on a smokers clothes makes me gag. Now we have pot, which apparently I can smell across state lines?? And through my cars hepa filter? Devils weed indeed.

It's insane to me the bandwagon that's developed around cannabis after the bandwagon around tobacco turned out to have been so devastating. "Surely we're smarter this time," everyone thinks.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#287

Post by glangdale »

dchichkov wrote: post #267
glangdale wrote: post #256

Earlier quoted context omitted.

100% this. Our kids were required to bring laptops to school for no particularly good reason, then allowed to zombie out on them in the library during lunch and free periods. Infuriating.

I understand that it is mostly regulated at the state level. I'm not sure about other states, but The Computer Science Standards for California Public Schools (Kindergarten through Grade Twelve) also tend to be followed by private schools. So they can claim their programs meet state requirements. This brings computers into the classroom, and once they’re available, it is a slippery slope. It is easier for teachers to…

Yes, we have similar metrics in NSW (Australia). Agreed on the dynamics. There are also a lot if fairly feral edutech entrepreneurs playing special interest capture here - they obviously care more about selling their dubious education novelties than any one group cares about keeping them out. So our kids' schools are littered with semi-functioning "smart whiteboards" and a host of broken edutech apps.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#288

Post by jacobgkau »

AlexandrB wrote: post #119
sznio wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Your social status as a pre-adult doesn't really matter at all once you join the real world. Trauma stays.

No it doesn't. I was nerdy and "low status" in school. I laugh at most of the silly stuff I did or was done to me in school. I don't get the mentality of holding onto all that stuff forever.

I was nerdy in school-- not necessarily "low status," because good grades were seen as good in my schools, but my social life was dangerously small and my self-esteem was trashed (in a "cover it up with arrogance to pretend it's by choice" kind of way). I am somewhat better today than I was then, but I'm still an incredibly unhappy person, and I trace many of the poor patterns I struggle to break out of to how I grew up.

"Leaving it all behind" is, to me, a cope that either pays off if you end up getting what you want later, or that doesn't and leaves you back where you started. Most importantly, every individual is different (or so I'm told), so just because it's worked for you doesn't mean it should be relied on.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#289

Post by jacobgkau »

tokioyoyo wrote: post #238
NoMoreNicksLeft wrote: post #206

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>ongratulations, you're raising future disgruntled outcast class of people who are not integrated with the society. This society is dying, nearly dead. Anyone who is integrated with it will die by extension. Only lunatics would want to be integrated with it. This society can't even be bothered to make more humans so that it can continue into the future... it wants to be dead. My children aren't outcast, they have fri…

Society is really fine! I live among millions of people every day, and people are genuinely kind and nice on average. It's up to you how you want to perceive the world, but I wouldn't want my neighbours to ever think people around them are lunatics and etc. I understand you're coming from a very American-specific point of view, which is very hard for me to comprehend. Growing up, I absolutely never had to worry (and…

> Yet we find ways to sit down, have a drink, go for a drive, or have sex from time to time.

US born & raised, here. No we don't. I'm 26, have never had a drink, and have never had sex in this country. (ETA: By societal standards, I'm considered "doing well.") You do not understand the severity of the problem.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#290

Post by firejake308 »

iforgot22 wrote: post #224
ta1243 wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you have kids in double digits? Our senior schools (from age 11, "6th grade" in US term) literally mandate a phone (not a computer, an actual phone) for school, both to use in class and to receive homework assignments.

That's ok, they can borrow a parent's phone.

In class though?
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