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Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#281

My kid's almost three. From day one, we've implemented a zero screen policy. That means no phones, tablets, computers, TV (don't own one), etc. We've read to her since day one and she loves books now and her spoken/listening language skills are way ahead for her age. Wife speaks to her in her native language so she's growing up bilingual too. Wife takes her to parks, mommy and me classes where they have story time, s…

Interested in your household. Dual income? Single Income w/SAHP? What is your plan for Grandparents, babysitters, childcare, or even the school system to help maintain no screens? No screens seems awfully privileged in a way... maybe you're just Bill Gates

We’re 1.5 (I’m the .5) with school-day daycare (absolutely no screens there).

I will cop to allowing him to watch a playlist of nature videos I’ve downloaded and watched through beforehand, on an old laptop, at times when I need to do something urgently without toddler assistance.

Otherwise, he can spend a good hour at the sink “washing” dishes with a trickle of water or attempting to sweep (ignoring his actual toys entirely!)

My husband grew up without a TV in the house in 70s-80s West Germany. His parents eventually got one, but it sits in a side room and is usually just turned on for the 8 o’clock news.

I asked my mother-in-law about this sacrifice on her part. Her answer? She didn’t think she’d have time to watch everything her kids were watching to make sure it was appropriate, so she took Alexander’s solution to that Gordian Knot - they simply sold their TV once their first child was a few months old.

My in-laws’ generation was glad to get enough to eat as children in postwar Germany; a TV was an unimaginable luxury until they were in their teens. She didn't feel like she was depriving her children of anything important.

My husband and his sister weren’t forbidden to watch TV at others’ houses, or to go to the movies. Neither of them ever wanted to buy one for themselves as teenagers or university students, and today, they both keep very quiet houses.

Result? They talk a lot when not sitting around reading. Guests at my in-laws are offered the contents of the decently-stocked magazine stand, a rotation of coffee table books, or if they’d like something from the bookshelves.

I grew up in a stereotypical American house with the TV on all the time, but started escaping it early to hole up in my room with a computer long before most people had internet access at home.

In some ways, I feel more at ease visiting my husband’s family than my own, despite a bit of a language barrier.

One might say there’s less of a lifestyle barrier.

My husband's family has much less money than my American relatives, so privilege has nothing to do with the fact that my German niece got her first dumbphone at 11, puts her school laptop away when her homework is finished and picks up one of her craft projects, and my American nephew has had his own iPad since he was 3, his own TV and AppleTV since he was about 6, and now a Roblox addiction.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#282

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That’s just not true for every child. Children are not so reductive.

Ah ok, so you are fine with taking your child to Las Vegas and sitting them in front of the slot machine with a handful of quarters? Maybe just give them a small heroin injection too, there's a chance they wont get addicted.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reductio_ad_absurdum

Also, giving your children unfettered access to the internet is not the same thing as giving them money for a slot machine. They don't have money unless you give it to them. It's not difficult to prevent them from having unlimited access to your credit cards.

Children will grow up into adults that have access to all this stuff anyway. Better to teach and manage excess early then restrict.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#283

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wonder if too much reading is a problem. We end up reading quite a few books throughout the day with our 3yo because they demand it. Offering a screen is only a weak distraction.

The advantage of books is you don't have an algo recommending you different things on every page. It's not uncommon for me to look up a 5 minute tutorial on YouTube to be stuck there for 1 hour+ due to the recommendations.

This does not happen to me at all and I don't know why.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#284

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Find a Waldorf school with a strict no-media policy and you have a fighting chance to keep the kid healthy through grade school.

I work with someone who went through that. They resent their parents for it. Wholly and completely resent their parents. Growing up in the later 00s/10s, right as stuff like SMS and especially "social group by text message" came along, it absolutely stunted their ability to make friends. What it did was disconnect them from their distant peers and meant that making friends outside of their immediate school peers was…

I know this is not possible or preferable for all, but we plan to homeschool our kids and surround ourselves with other screen-free families. It will be a subculture for sure, but one I prefer over the culture at large. Before mobile phones and texting, kids made friends just fine. I know I did. In fact, compared to todays kids that don't want to leave the house and just be on their technology all day long, I played street sports with the neighborhood kids, went over to each others houses, went on bicycle adventures and yes, we even played video games together (Atari 2600). But even with that we were more communal and real life in that we were doing it together and interacting, laughing, commiserating, celebrating in person. This is the life I want for my kids growing up.

I'm really encouraged by these Luddite Teens. https://archive.ph/gsqDH

As they grow up, we'll explain why we're doing this. We want them to grow up with the experience that you don't need social media, etc to live a fulfilling life. And we model to them that phones are a very useful communication device and some apps can be very useful like Uber, but it is not to be an entertainment device.

> social media is the way we engage with so much art, culture, and society

I plan to take my kids to museums, plays, concerts etc instead.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#285

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If you really get into classical music, jazz and to some extent blues/bluegrass... modern pop songs just sound like crap and boring. I feel this might be a 'look at me I'm so smart thing'. I've enjoyed classical music and jazz and blues/bluegrass, and partake in playing all of those. I also enjoy pop music. There's nothing inherently bad about pop music. Like jazz and classical, it's based on a simple circle of fif…

My point was about novelty and simulation capturing attention. I find Pop music tends to be less complex and repetitive which is boring. Especially if listened to say bluegrass and then pop back to back.

repetition is a fundamental part of good music.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#286

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My point was about novelty and simulation capturing attention. I find Pop music tends to be less complex and repetitive which is boring. Especially if listened to say bluegrass and then pop back to back.

repetition is a fundamental part of good music.

Is it though?

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#287
post #98

Parent of three ranging from tween to college age. We have never had limits on anything. Screen time/content unrestricted. Probably dozens of times, maybe hundreds, we have had "the talk" about how there's a lot of weird shit in the world, internet included, and it's better to know about that stuff and how to deal with it than to create a temporary secure enclave at home where it doesn't exist. We especially didn't w…

I am an adult and while I was a child, our father turned off TV and cable access. He connected internet for a while but later disconnected that down as well. Needless to say, now I am older, it's very hard for me to moderate my film-viewing and internet-using habits. And I have always been wondering, was it because I wasnt allowed to moderate myself when I was little that I cant rid myself addiction? Nowadays, the on…

I had no moderation by parents and I struggled my entire life to moderate my internet/video game addictions. Largely driven by depression and hating social interaction perhaps but still very much a problem that has plagued me my entire life.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#289
post #226
post #213

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sorry to be so blunt but are you advocating for letting developing minds get addicted? I hear expert after expert talking about the negative effects of those types of behavior and content. When you say they crashed a thousand times, what does that mean? Months without sleep, streaks of failure in school? I'm curious if moderation means that they are now using devices less than 7 hours a day which seems to be the aver…

Can you cite those experts? I am genuinely asking because the research I've seen is mostly mixed and inconclusive but does lean more towards what OP is saying. There are tons of articles that say screen time is bad, social media is bad, etc etc... and I suppose you can always find some expert to support those claims, but in terms of actual scientific research, actual experiments, the fear of social media and Internet…

I should make a list but I don't keep one yet. I can tell you who comes to my mind off the top of my head

* Maryanne Wolf * Cal Newport * Jaron Lanier * Studies conducted by Facebook and brought to public attention by Frances Haugen

Not all are writing about kids specifically but rather humans in general. There are also plenty of psychotherapists specializing in internet addiction, you can look through some of their web pages to see what they are dealing with. I'm from a small European country, I'd recommend looking into local professionals.

It's true that there is a lot of hysteria and speculation and the grand experiment is still running. I admit I'm also biased by what I see in grown ups around me and by my own experiences. The apps and games our kids use are designed to make them addicted. And wasn't it in Irresistible by Adam Alter that managers of companies like Facebook and similar heavily regulate their kids screen times?

I'm not advocating for zero screen time. There are official recommendations from institutes of developed countries and I lean on those. I believe in limits on time and content and media education. They can also learn to deal with something dangerous slowly, they don't have to crash a thousand times.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#290
post #261

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Having worked very closely with numerous toddler and preschool children continuously from 2-6 and still observing many others doing this: The base state of the child is absolutely evolutionary (at a population level): male children are less responsible/compliant and female children are more responsible/compliant from the outset. This makes girls easy to (even accidentally) make responsible. Teachers and parents gener…

>Girls learn faster. you meant mature faster? probably until the mid 20s where gap closes, I guess.

It’s not clear to me the significance you’re trying to imply but I meant learn. There are positives and negatives to learning faster.
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