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Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

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Re: Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

#271

Post by tomcam »

tasuki wrote: post #256
tomcam wrote: post #119

I'm about 60. My early life left me with no confidence that I would make it this far, so by the time I was 21 I was getting ready to die. What it's been like to grow old * My body's in officially lousy shape, but I don't feel much worse than I did at 21. Sure, arthritis makes music harder, and being fat makes it hard to tie my shoes. For some reason, though I know I should feel worse, I don't really. * When you liter…

> I have been a horrible insomniac for 55 years. I figured by now there would be a cure for it. Unless you're really unfortunate, there's a cure for insomnia. It consists of several simple but not always easy-to-follow rules: https://insomniasos.net/ After years of suffering from insomnia, I've started sleeping better 2 weeks ago. [Edit: Sorry I know you weren't looking for advice, just can't resist sharing]

Thanks for the share. Interestingly, I began almost the identical program--two weeks ago. My sleep has gone from about 45 minutes a night to 2.5-4 hours.

I had tried all of these things before, but when I consulted my sleep doctor he pointed out something that changed my life. Previously I had tried to wake up at say 6 or 7am, on the theory that if I'm going to bed at 9-10am anyway, what does it matter if I try to wake up early? It would be horrific either way.

But he recommended a later wakeup time (10am) and to roll it back a few minutes a week. That single change made the difference.

Thanks for caring. I've bookmarked the site.

Last night I had a pretty rough time but in general things have looked up a little each day. Biggest improvement I can remember since trying sleeping pills, which only work for a month or so on me.

Re: Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

#272

Post by trykondev »

sanju2306 wrote: post #222
jfoutz wrote: post #61

First, you'll probably never think of yourself as old. You'll look in the mirror and wonder why 20 year old you has all this gray hair and wrinkles. Second, it's ok to let things slide for a while, but the longer you let them slide, the tougher they are to fix (and if you wait too long, some things can't be fixed). See plenty of other comments about teeth, back, RSI, diet. If you decide to let something go for a whil…

How to build my ethics? Honest question, i have been clueless for a while.

This is something I worked on developing in my 20s. For me, what worked was finding an "ethical role model" -- someone who acts ethically and has a good sense of right & wrong -- and trying to model my choices based on what I thought that person would choose. Sometimes this would literally involve asking them "what do you think I should do?" and sometimes I'd just try to infer.

My ethical role model was my younger brother, who is one of the best people I know, and is someone who always seemed to have a good sense of "you shouldn't do that" or "this is the right thing to do, even if it's hard".

I committed to evaluating my decisions based on "what would my brother think of this" and I'm very proud to say that now, in my early 30s, I consider myself to be a very ethical person who does the right thing most of the time, even when it's inconvenient, and even when it's hard. I definitely could not have said that about myself a decade ago.

No idea if that will work for others, but it definitely worked for me!

Re: Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

#274

Post by ethbr0 »

jasonv wrote: post #175
mixologic wrote: post #174

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your teeth. Pay attention to your dental health.

I had mediocre dental care for most of my life. Not bad, but I never liked it. I got my first crown, was supposed to get two. It was traumatic. It didn’t feel good. I was depressed. I found a dentist recommendation. Visited him, he looked at my teeth and said while it all met “the standard of care”, some of the old work would eventually need to be replaced, and the crown fit could be improved, and the other crown I n…

I asked a dental hygienist about this: "Why is there a focus on relaxed, spa-like dental practices? Who are these people who are scared of the dentist?"

She said it absolutely came down to past experiences. Apparently there are some really shitty dentists out there, in the sense of causing unpleasant experiences.

If you didn't get one of those as a child, you have no problem with visiting the dentist. If you did, dentists terrify you.

I never really thought about it that way before.

Re: Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

#275

Post by ethbr0 »

randycupertino wrote: post #168
nullsense wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm 32 and already starting to feel this way.

I was reading the comment and was like, hey- I'm 39 and trips to the grocery store tire me out and I REALLY look forward to naps on the couch!

> trips to the grocery store tire me out and I REALLY look forward to naps on the couch!

Well, then, have I got a global pandemic (and societal consequences thereof) for you!

Re: Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

#276

Post by scruple »

Viliam1234 wrote: post #220
jfoutz wrote: post #61

First, you'll probably never think of yourself as old. You'll look in the mirror and wonder why 20 year old you has all this gray hair and wrinkles. Second, it's ok to let things slide for a while, but the longer you let them slide, the tougher they are to fix (and if you wait too long, some things can't be fixed). See plenty of other comments about teeth, back, RSI, diet. If you decide to let something go for a whil…

> I'd suggest, be true to yourself, be true to your ethics. This. You will forget the people who hurt you. But you will remember the people you hurt. You will accept the things you tried and failed. But you will regret not trying. Going against your ethics will leave scars on your soul, and the reasons for doing so will seem so stupid in hindsight. But it takes some time to find your true ethics, and separate it from…

> You will forget the people who hurt you. But you will remember the people you hurt.

Maya Angelou said this very well once:

> I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

I find this to be true and I also (try to) use it as a motivation to treat people better.

Re: Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

#278

Post by throwawayamzn1 »

the_resistence wrote: post #228

My advice at mid-50s to younger people is to learn 1. manage your energy for your long term health, 2. enjoy time with the highest quality people you can find (I mean that in terms of good language, hopeful, constructive/collaborative in nature and working on themselves, empathetic to all those around you), and lastly say "yes" to almost everything and enjoy to the max. If my life were a candle, every year it is slow…

This is heart breaking man.. this freaks me out. I’m a young parent, two small kids. Working and trying to keep the family going has been hard on us and our relationship. Need to tell my wife I love her more, you’re right it can go at any second. This is a good thread..

Re: Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

#279

Post by xyzal »

I hope this does not come across as too sentimental.

I am 38 years old, and I can see my parents getting more frail every day.

Talk to them while you can. I could not shake off the teenager-like attitude of being too busy to spend quality time with them for far too long and now I regret it.

Re: Ask HN: What is it like to be old? What advice would you give to younger people?

#280

Post by tasuki »

stephc_int13 wrote: post #270
tasuki wrote: post #189

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've "slept enough" for a couple of years and developed a severe case of insomnia. I couldn't fall asleep till 2-3am, then slept till 10am to make up for it. Repeat. Bad idea. Waking up at a regular time and restricting my sleep below what's comfortable has helped very quickly. I'm considering sleeping more, but feeling slightly groggy after sleeping 6.5 hours is way better than spending 10 hours in bed, 3 of them su…

Insomnia is a sign of a deteriorating mental health, you should focus on that instead of trying to hide it.

Do you have any references for that? Can't insomnia be caused by various things?

In my case I'm pretty sure it was the consequence of sleeping comfortably long in the morning and waking up at irregular times.

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