I struggled with this for ages. I have spent loads of time playing MTG and WoW, eschewed a traditional career path for something more relaxing. I am not a software wunderkind and for a long time that bothered me. But then I decided to just do my best, enjoy the time I spent coding, the time I had with my friends, and somehow it all fell into place. I am coming up on my 30th birthday quickly now and I am happy, at peace. Don’t lament what could have been but instead what could be my friend. Now that I have given up worrying over others accomplishments I find myself even more productive. Sure, there will always be those that break boundaries, at especially early ages. But there is no better time to plant a tree than today. Er, well, 20 years perhaps… good but luck with that ;)
Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
261–270 of 277 posts
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#262Earlier quoted context omitted.
Came here to say something similar and I was actually in a similar situation to OP. Was a 23 year old who felt I had wasted too much of my life already - had watched some sitcoms twice through already and while others had been programming for the last 10 years, I had been playing guitar. So what did I do? I swore off everything that wasn’t going to be “productive,” sold my guitars, and tried to spend every minute of…
Like the other user said, sounds like fiction although you would need to work extensively with an editor if you plan on collaborating with a publisher. While, there are self-publishing platforms yours would be one of thousands of submissions, many of which will wither in obscurity while hoping to be the next 50 Shades of Grey . And you're right, the past is gone; however, it's interesting where you stand upon reflect…
Not sure if you’re accusing me of making my story up, I wish I were. In regards to my writing needing editing, it’s a comment on a post on HN - you kinda get what you pay for.
As for your comment about where I stand after reflection, it seems like you might have had unhealthy relationships or little experience. I regret the pain I caused her; you’d have to be pretty calloused not to. But she’s met someone else and is happier and I’ve met someone else and am happier. I don’t think either of us would change the present just to have a different past. You shouldn’t really regret losing someone over a relationship not working out especially if there isn’t a singular moment you can point to (like infidelity or abuse). It’s hard to tell what exacerbated things or what was the straw that broke the camels back hence why I said it probably would have ended anyway.
I regret not playing guitar more in the sense that I wasn’t allocating any of my time to simply enjoying life. Perhaps had I played guitar more, or video games, or had taken up painting I would have been happier and that would have been healthier for both myself and the people around me. It’s an easy thing to regret because the time I spent learning JavaScript frameworks I never ended up using or languages that fell out of vogue (looking at you scala) was largely fruitless in terms of my career anyway.
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#263Your generation is taught to be unreasonable in their expectations, this website is basically made up of prodigal children who all missed some substantial developmental milestones but who ended up being rewarded for years of interest in very specific topics. Bertrand Russell correctly stated that time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. If you have now decided you want change, then great. However, you have played s…
True, but the quote is probable from Marthe Troly-Curtin [1]
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#264I have something of a counterpoint. I've been coding since I was 5 and I look back and wish I had spent time playing more games; I didn't and I missed out on some defining years which you probably had, and are probably taking for granted. I don't regret that however, instead it's something to learn from, and I now attempt to find a balance between all of them. Don't compare yourself to others, only that if you realiz…
Came here to say something similar and I was actually in a similar situation to OP. Was a 23 year old who felt I had wasted too much of my life already - had watched some sitcoms twice through already and while others had been programming for the last 10 years, I had been playing guitar. So what did I do? I swore off everything that wasn’t going to be “productive,” sold my guitars, and tried to spend every minute of…
>I’m frustrated at everything I have to relearn because I knew I could play something before
imo this is why when it comes to de-rusting an old skill, it is often beneficial to jump in to a domain you previously hadn't explored (say classical guitar or flamenco if you were a rock'nroller) and rebuild dexterity that way rather than trying to recapture your 'high scores' and feeling demoralized that your skill level isn't where you left it.
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#265Don't be so hard on yourself, and don't compare yourself to a computer science prodigy. You can teach yourself to become a decent web developer in 1 year and take it from there, your life is far from being wasted in any sense.
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#266Everyone thinks like that, in every field. I suggest you just accept that you did not grow up in an environment surrounded by hackers/programmers that pushed you to write code. Instead you had fun with your friends, which is fine. You are 23 now, that is a perfect age to start building your skill-set and set a path towards the person you want to become. When you are 30, you are going to be like, damn, it was a good idea to start hacking at 23, now I know all these things and have a deeper grasp on technology.
And don't forget that you are born, then you live and finally you die. Whatever you do or do not do, the universe will forget about you. Might sound cynical, but that is the reality. So do whatever you want to do, the important thing is that once you decide to do something, you do it. You can (almost) become anything you want, so imagine your future self and set a course towards that future.
The best way to predict the future, is to create it.
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#267[deleted]
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#268Similar to what others have said... don't let regret become your new sm/wow - aka the new thing that you spend 'wasted' time on
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#269One thing you learn as you get older is that everybody is in the same boat in this journey on earth and there’s likely no truth and no point in excessively pitying yourself or think of what you experienced as anything unique or extraordinarily awful. This is the human condition and we need to learn to embrace it and be at peace with it. In fact I have probably done much more than a lot of peers of the same age group (how much of that is “useful” in a practical sense is dubious, e.g. achieving N1 level in Japanese, about which I also used to wonder whether I could have spent such time programming more, but on the other hand learning languages was part of my identity, so I was generally happy to have spent time on them), but even then, when I was younger, I was constantly anxious that I was not doing enough and just wasting my life away. Now I feel less afflicted by that thought. It doesn’t mean I shouldn’t dedicate my time to meaningful and productive endeavors, but you may find peace in knowing that people like Carmack require so many things to go their way to get there, and statistically speaking you’re much more likely to not reach that level than do, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of in that fact.
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#270Sit still and let all your thoughts play out. Let all the remorse and sorry out. Be completely open and accepting of all your feelings. Let them out. We don't struggle with ideas, we struggle with our own feelings but they are just feelings. They can't hurt you. Quite the contrary actually. Your feelings are _you_ and they are a wonderful part of the experience. Open up to your feelings. Accept them and be free. :)