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Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

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Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#261

Post by usrn »

RyanOD wrote: post #140

I'm sure some of this was already mentioned, but here it goes... Read to your children. We set a goal of reading 100 novels to our daughters. We're at #80 and the girls are 13 and 11. Create some traditions. Whenever either of our daughters lost a tooth, I'd write a letter from the tooth fairy. The letters offered advice, humor, fairy "facts" and even maps to buried treasure they could go dig up. In retrospect, I wis…

>Read to your children.

>Build things together (wood working)

My dad did this, I'm very very glad he did.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#262

Post by Markoff »

breastfeed as long as possible (well your wife), minimum one year

talk to your kid as you world talk to adult without gibberish, otherwise you are just asking for speech development issues, I've seen it way too often and I'm not really surprised, you can talk to your kid nice and still stay clear

maybe try to introduce allergens like peanuts in extremely small doses to build tolerance early

if you are in US please don't follow your local crazy rituals with genital mutilation

depending on quality of air I'd consider air purifier

security cam in kids room (don't fall for overpriced single purpose kid monitors walkie talkie style, security cams with two way audio and night vision are much more versatile)

buy gender neutral colors like orange and green instead pink/blue, you can use them with second kid or donate to someone and they will be good for any gender

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#263

Post by muzani »

stef25 wrote: post #27

Find a way to spend quality time with your partner. Once the dust has settled try to book some time where it's just the two of you. Get a babysitter and go out together one night in the week. Often you're so focused on the baby that years can go by until you realise you've ignored your relationship and then it can be very hard to fix or get back to some normal / happy state. Same for your regular friendships. Maintai…

Also spend quality time with your job and hobbies too.

Sometimes people become resentful of their kids ("If only I didn't have kids, I'd...")

Your kids will not appreciate such "sacrifices". It's unfair to them. Take care of yourself too.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#264

Post by denton-scratch »

em-bee wrote: post #237
denton-scratch wrote: post #211

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I bought a case of 40 wooden blocks for my granddaughters. They're a versatile toy that doesn't impose tramlines on their play. I haven't bought them many toys; I don't want to buy them tramline toys. The local toyshop is Hamley's; I couldn't see anything in that store that wasn't both a tramline toy, and entirely made of non-recyclable plastic. I had to import the wooden blocks. When I was a kid, I got a lot of mile…

lego though lasts forever. more than half of our lego is more than 30 years old and some of that was second-hand when we got it as kids. what do you mean by tramlines ? i am unfamiliar with that term.

I meant something like a script, where the toy or game tells you what you're supposed to do with it (because e.g. the blocks only make sense as parts of an X-Wing Fighter). Anyway, it's my term; I don't know if anyone else uses it. I thought it was clear; sorry.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#265

Post by Markoff »

kazinator wrote: post #241

People who say "don't worry, it gets better" to new parents don't know what they are talking about. Enjoy the time when the baby stays put wherever you lay him or her down. and isn't climbing the furniture or throwing things.

sorry, it's BS, it really gets better when you can have normal night of sleep compared to newborn, man I hate newborns as father of two kids, first half year was definitely the worst part of parenthood

properly raised kids also don't climb furniture or throw things or have temper tantrums in shop/restaurant, this happens to parents who key their kids do anything and then everyone has to suffer

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#266

Post by denton-scratch »

Buttons840 wrote: post #136
denton-scratch wrote: post #128

* That they're not "blank slates". I thought that personalities were imposed by the parents, but that's not (on the whole) true. * Don't smack 'em. The only purpose it serves is to assuage your rage. You don't have to use violence to teach kids about hot cookers and electrical sockets. * Don't expect them to be like you. They won't; and especially as they enter their teens, they'll do their damnedest to be unlike you…

You're right, they are not blank states, and they are not entirely like you, but even so, there will be moments where you see a deep similarity that you know must be genetic, and it's quite satisfying. And yes, physical punishment operates by fear. Avoid it. However, if they are violent with you, screaming or out of control, it might be ok. You're the judge of that. Make sure you're in control of yourself first.

> where you see a deep similarity that you know must be genetic

Sure - that's not what I meant, sorry. I meant that I had originally believed that personality was mainly the result of nurture; so I was surprised at how different each of my kids was from birth or ongoing.

From my side, as a teenager I loathed my father. It was inconceivable to me that I could be anything like him. Over the years I gave up the loathing, and we got on OK. It was many years later before I reluctantly started to acknowledge that I shared many attitudes and behaviours with him. It really pissed me of when I first began to realise.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#267

Post by em-bee »

denton-scratch wrote: post #264
em-bee wrote: post #237

Earlier quoted context omitted.

lego though lasts forever. more than half of our lego is more than 30 years old and some of that was second-hand when we got it as kids. what do you mean by tramlines ? i am unfamiliar with that term.

I meant something like a script, where the toy or game tells you what you're supposed to do with it (because e.g. the blocks only make sense as parts of an X-Wing Fighter). Anyway, it's my term; I don't know if anyone else uses it. I thought it was clear; sorry.

well, i almost guessed that you meant something like that. and you are right. it's not quite as extreme yet, but it does tend into that direction, so you have to be careful which sets you buy.

fortunately, it's not just lego anymore. there are a lot of alternative brands that offer a wide variety of sets which offer a lot more flexibility.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#268

Post by Markoff »

makz wrote: post #239

Don’t buy them any toys. Two reasons for this: 1. Most of the time they prefer to play with boxes, plastic bottles, stones, sticks, cups… you get the idea. 2. Toys are so abundant in this day and age. Children will get plenty, mountains of toys even if you don’t buy them any. Relatives and friends will give them toys as a gift and also they give children small toys at restaurants or they come with candy or clothes or…

truth this, my kids will play with pretty much anything but own toys, only exception being building blocks/Lego and now that they are older son okays with cars and daughter with furries (not my idea, I refuse to buy pink things for her), kitchen utensils, containers, boxes etc were very popular earlier

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#269

Post by 28304283409234 »

plasma_beam wrote: post #139
stef25 wrote: post #27

Find a way to spend quality time with your partner. Once the dust has settled try to book some time where it's just the two of you. Get a babysitter and go out together one night in the week. Often you're so focused on the baby that years can go by until you realise you've ignored your relationship and then it can be very hard to fix or get back to some normal / happy state. Same for your regular friendships. Maintai…

+1000 Came here just to say this. Aside from being a good parent, you have to focus on your partner and you (that is assuming you want to, if not the case then please disregard). Without that relationship being healthy, everything changes. It spiraled into divorce for me two years later. Doesn’t need to be much, but learn to even go on dates with the baby. You can, and it helps. Flying is also not that bad - if you c…

Exactly.

Except: do not fly. Go somewhere that requires no flying. This planet thanks you.

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