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Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

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Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#251

Post by nurettin »

Yes, this is how work is. And it is very important for you to continue being part of the conversation. Not only for your own sake, but for everyone's sake.

Unfortunately, we can't all speak at the same time. When I'm interrupted, if I'm focused enough to continue and the interruption doesn't bring up an obvious error, I apologize, take back the mic and continue my monologue.

If I'm not focused enough that I lose my train of thought as I was interrupted, I take notes and go back to it at a later point in the conversation. It is very important that you are persistent.

One thing that helps me focus is to have my notes in front of me before the conversation begins, so I can continue making my points or interrupt someone else with one of my points.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#253

Post by buu700 »

spuz wrote: post #220
ALittleLight wrote: post #211

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because you want to hear what people have to say? Why listen or speak if it doesn't matter if people hear or pay attention?

Because often it doesn't take someone to complete their sentence for their point to be made. If you pay close attention next time you are in a conversation with people you know well, you will often know what someone is going to say before they have finished saying it. Personally I hate being interrupted and also always wait my turn to speak but at the same time I can get impatient waiting for someone to say what I al…

That's true in some cases, but untrue often enough that I disagree.

In my experience, interrupters frequently assume something entirely different from what was actually being said, or even cut off the speaker before a "but" and wind up responding to the exact opposite of the intended point. This is needlessly annoying and confusing to almost everyone involved.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#254

Post by thirdsun »

Have you considered participating in writing? Collect your thoughts and put them into a few paragraphs and bullet points for others to read and consider whenever they have time for it.

I like this approach in general - while being cut off isn't that much of a concern to me, not forgetting half of the points I was trying to make and presenting them in the most understandable way is. Writing helps a lot with these goals.

Whenever I have more substantial and extensive thoughts and ideas to bring up I'd post a message on a relevant Basecamp project/team and invite everyone to discuss it.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#256

Post by m0d0nne11 »

The rules of effective, efficient discussion are universal; if they're ignored in various settings I'll consider offering a cash wager that those are rarely settings (engineering, surgery, etc) in which careful thought and attention to detail are high priorities.

Participants who respect each other observe The Cocktail Party Protocol, which is so obvious it's enshrined in silicon: when you sense that the shared medium is available, you may begin transmission. If you discover that somebody else has also done so, back off for a short randomly variable interval and then try again. Multiple simultaneous transmissions are well understood to be a degenerate case to be avoided, with participants who fail to follow protocol regarded as defective and, in at least one case I've seen, tagged with error code BABBLING_TRANSMITTER.

SEE ALSO: CSMA/CD

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#257

Post by Cthulhu_ »

Tade0 wrote: post #113
solipsism wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why? This is passive aggressive. Am I taking crazy pills? What's the problem with just politely saying, "Can you please not interrupt?" or "Let me finish my point please."

What's the problem with just politely saying, "Can you please not interrupt?" I'm assuming this option has already been exhausted and didn't have any effect. I've worked with people who prefer to apologise all the time instead of changing their behaviour. When you bring that up they... apologise and move on.

Do a God of War on them: "Don't be sorry, be better". Apologising comes quite naturally for a lot of people, because apologising is easier than changing unwanted behaviour.

I've become aware of that recently because of reasons, and I think it's all right to not just drop it after someone apologises. It's all right to not accept an apology if the underlying behaviour isn't changed.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#258

Post by tmaly »

I use to talk over people, and sometimes I still do. But I try to stop myself and become a better listener. I find the conversation becomes better.

I was listening to this episode on the Knowledge project https://fs.blog/celeste-headlee/ not too long ago, and it got me to really stop and think about how I converse.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#260

Post by [deleted] »

hinkley wrote: post #219
andrewcarter wrote: post #15

I have a problem cutting people off- I get way to excited about what I want to say and jump in. I really appreciate when people call me out and don't take it personally. I also try to work on it and try to help steer the conversation to other people who have been cut off when I see it happen. So IMO don't be afraid to politely just let someone know! If you don't feel comfortable during the meeting, maybe speak with t…

A lot of the time I’m like you, or I see that the person is starting a long train of thoughts based on a faulty premise... why would you let someone catastrophize or take everyone in a magic carpet ride that is based on bad information? But that is unfortunately not always why. Some people take a very, very long time to get to a point they’ve already telegraphed long before. In a conversation that’s about problem sol…

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