I don't think this is a good place to go in with hard and fast rules. Every kid is different, everything change. What your kid wants and needs may be different from everyone else. Having said that, my broad rule is to keep my kid from any social media where their peers rank them and give feedback. No FB, no Instagram, they can't host their own youtube channel, etc. That is where self-esteem goes to die. I don't think…
Oh interesting, only echoes of Roblox I've ever heard were pretty negative but I haven't tried it (my son is still a bit too young for that) so I'm curious to hear something positive about it. What do you like about Roblox?
How does moral panic factor into this? I don't think being worried about the effects of technology on children is a moral panic.
No one participating in a moral panic thinks it is a moral panic. They all think they are addressing a real pressing issue. That is why moral panics work. The easiest key is the focus. Am I worried about my kid? Not a moral panic, that is literally my job as a parent. Am I worried about society in general because of all the shoddy parenting about screen time? (Or risky play, or being home alone, or riding public tran…
So you're telling me that by going against social media, I'm actually participating in some big witch hunt to delete it? That's even better, sign me up.
The best thing my parents ever did for me was cultivate a sense of familial superiority. Other families had the TV on all the time, but we read books instead because we were 'better'. Other kids did drugs and drank, but we were better than that. Peer pressure didn't have much of an impact on me because I was raised to believe that I was better than 'that' for most values of 'that'. And my parents never had to force m…
> The best thing my parents ever did for me was cultivate a sense of familial superiority. Odd! It was the worst thing my parents did for me, I believed them. Took a long time to realise I am, we were, quite ordinary.
Same.
I think cultivating a sense of superiority is the wrong approach and could lead to other unhealthy behaviors. Cultivating a sense of self esteem and self acceptance is a better approach, IMO.
"I don't drink because I'm better than you" seems like a problematic mindset. "I don't drink because I don't want to and I'm comfortable with that choice, but it's okay if you want to do something different" seems like a much healthier mindset.
Gorilla in the room are other f*ng parents. You can prevent as much as you want but then kids go to school nd everyone else has accounts they should not have or devices they should not have and your kids are angry at you because now you are the bad guy.
The best thing my parents ever did for me was cultivate a sense of familial superiority. Other families had the TV on all the time, but we read books instead because we were 'better'. Other kids did drugs and drank, but we were better than that. Peer pressure didn't have much of an impact on me because I was raised to believe that I was better than 'that' for most values of 'that'. And my parents never had to force m…
Nothing beats "othering" the out-group members to really pull the tribe together!
I can already see a big difference between "kids" that are now 20 and those that are 10: parents are now way more aware of how nasty and exploitative social media are. Ten years ago parents had zero issue handing their used phone to their kid when buying a new one. Now many parents have a "no phone whatsover until at least 13 years old" (some even pick an older age). Schools too: it's very common now to have school w…
Can you elaborate on that one a little? I wasn't aware of that option in US.
Every week since she was about six months old, I've taken my daughter with me to get groceries. She's absolutely fascinated by the grocery store: the rolling cart, the colors and textures of produce ("ta-to!"), the other shoppers, the illustrations on packaging ("bear!"). I hand her items and give her their names. She shakes them, rotates them, repeats their names back to me. But every time we go, I see at least one…
I used to judge parents who resorted to tablets to keep their children quiet. I don't really anymore. You don't know how exhausted the parents might be or how many hours they've already spent trying to entertain their kids in a more wholesome manner. I've taken a 2 year old on vacation and some of that time is spent going to unique restaurants that take a couple of hours for a meal. My toddler would get bored and squ…
We haven't had to resort to an iPad yet, but I won't rule it out eventually. Especially on a long trip.
However, everyday errands just shouldn't require extended screen time. Children are naturally curious, making it even more surprising when one is glued to a screen instead of investigating their surroundings.
Maybe, maybe not. The real question is.. do I really want my kid to associate with kids that are so heavily invested in social media. I know my personal answer to this. I even know my SO answer and the upcoming battles ahead.
It’s widespread enough your question boils down to “do I really want my kid to have friends”.
I will tell you what I told my colleague as to whether I am sad that having a big dog prevents family reunions or boyfiends coming over. Sometimes things just work out in our favor.
My family did this too. It did make me a condescending asshole, but worse than that, it taught me to be paralyzingly afraid of doing The Wrong Thing. Did it protect me from driving drunk when I was in college? Yeah, but it also "protected" me from having a healthy social life because I couldn't engage with any sort of normal behavior. Did it protect me from getting on drugs? Yeah, but it also "protected" me from gett…
It worked for me. The one negative side effect was a bit of arrogance, which I actively worked on in college. It was also crucial to figure out that some kids were better than me, and it was better to hang around them. There was also an "everybody has problems" support group at school that they kept encouraging us to join, but I said nah, I don't have problems. Most of the kids in that group ended up with depression.
I am someone who was raised with a very similar set of values. I was homeschooled, and often believed that "public-schooled" kids had a worse, more limited set of values. I was not allowed to use computers till I was in 11th grade, and dove into reading as an alternative. Very little screen time, but I ended up with a lot of issues that did not even begin manifesting until I was an adult. I would urge you to re-examine your beliefs around this topic. It is too easy to elide the issues by reframing them as "a bit of arrogance". Based on my own experience, listening to the people around me, they are not experiencing it as "a bit" of arrogance. It is too easy, almost intoxicatingly so, to believe that you are better than those struggling. As long as you frame your own struggles as unique, you will deprive yourself of both 1) commiseration and 2) knowledge on how to progress past. Rather than say "everybody who sought solutions to their issues had issues", ask the question "how many people that did have issues did not seek solutions".
Partly it’s having a constant discussion about society, the world, and news in general. We talk about how advertisers are trying to manipulate you, social media can be addicting and is also trying to manipulate you, etc. Not an angry way, a discussion, like how magnets work or how rain forms. Just the facts ma’am. As for permissions, my oldest avoided all social media except iMessage (because for her age that is esse…
There are good devices for only music / audiobooks, but they're often aimed at younger kids. For example Yoto players (https://yotoplay.com/) or Toniebox (haven't used this one). Basically screenless, except for the number of the playlist.
You can use an app/website to create and upload playlist and couple them to your custom cards (so you don't have to spend money on buying loads of cards).
He's never used a screen in any significant way. No movies / TV / cellphones / iPads.
My spouse and I read to him a lot. A chapter or two a night from one of the Oz books (there are dozens of them, we're on the 8th one) or something similar.
Results so far? He has a very wide vocabulary, loves learning about the world around him and has almost zero interest in screens.
I hope that by the time he reaches social media age (whatever that is) that the fad has passed and people move on to something less toxic. Even if not, we'll make sure he's in lots of social groups and camps where the focus is doing things rather than spending time on a device.