People who say "don't worry, it gets better" to new parents don't know what they are talking about.
Enjoy the time when the baby stays put wherever you lay him or her down. and isn't climbing the furniture or throwing things.
Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?
241–250 of 343 posts
Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?
#242I'm sure some of this was already mentioned, but here it goes... Read to your children. We set a goal of reading 100 novels to our daughters. We're at #80 and the girls are 13 and 11. Create some traditions. Whenever either of our daughters lost a tooth, I'd write a letter from the tooth fairy. The letters offered advice, humor, fairy "facts" and even maps to buried treasure they could go dig up. In retrospect, I wis…
Eleven years olds should be long into the age of reading novels on their own.
Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?
#2431. That children are 'babies' for all of a few months--then they're something different. And that cycle of having a 'different' child every several months continues the rest of their childhood. 2. You learn and become different at each of those stages, too. 3. There is no way to 'prepare' for fatherhood. It is utterly on the job training, and you just have to show up, do your best, and learn as you go.
>3. There is no way to 'prepare' for fatherhood. It is utterly on the job training, and you just have to show up, do your best, and learn as you go.
Yes. You are never ready, but at the same time you were always ready. When my daughter was born, it was as if she has always been a part of my life. All the anxiety I previously had was gone.
I never felt comfortable about holding other people's babies. I always felt nervous like I was going to drop them or accidentally hurt them in some way. I never felt that way with my own. It was the opposite. I never wanted to let others hold them.
In the end, we are just animals. The primal instincts will kick in and everything should work its ways out.
Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?
#2441) If you have anything that needs to be done in the Nursery, get it done now. Also, get a crib tent for the crib... eventually they figure out how to crawl out of the crib. (They might be unsafe?? What.. ugh) Also, you need child proof gates in front of any stairs, or dangerous areas of the house.
1a) Put latches high up out of reach on doors you don't want the kids to be able to open until they're old enough. Simple hook and eye latches work well.
2) There is a parallel universe, kind of like dark matter... that will only become visible once you're a parent. Second hand clothing shops are your friend, find them! If things go well, you'll connect with parents of children slightly older and younger than your child, and become the link in a chain of ownership. -- Rick Grubbs told me this ahead of time, and it was really weird once it happened.
3) Take lots of photos and videos, save them locally, back them up. I can show you my child's face changed at least 5 times in the first year... you can always delete them later. DigiKam is open source photo management that does facial recognition.
3a) There's one picture I never took, and wish I had.... the placenta... so beautiful and it was a wild mix of red and deep blue. (Yeah, weird... but anyway)
3b) I store photos in c:\photos\yyyy\yyyymmdd\ folders, I've never tried to name them all... 700 Gigabytes worth! If you leave them that way, you'll be able to navigate your own history by date much better. It's a handy reference for "when did this happen"
4) You will learn to deal with bodily fluids and solids... it's no big deal after the first few times. ALWAYS keep a boy covered when changing, lest you or the surroundings get sprayed. GET a garbage can with a foot activated lid that takes tall kitchen bags. EMPTY it nightly, and you'll have almost zero smell. You can NEVER have too many packages of wet wipes.
4a) I HAD TO HAVE a diaper genie.... never used it. The garbage can with foot operated lid was MUCH better.
5) GET a stroller that can be deployed and stowed with ONE HAND. If you can get it second hand, that's fine.
6) Car seats are one thing you will likely buy new, make darned sure you've got it installed right, have someone else check it. You'll buy more than one as the child grows.
7) You will find yourself completely cured of any irritation from other people's children crying, and have a strong sympathy.
8) GET a Boopy... they are SOOOO handy
9) There exist pads, sold at stores, that are sold in bulk, "chucks pads", that go under the child while changing, and into the trash. These, along with Disposable diapers and wipes, are game changers. I can't imagine parenting without them.
9a) There exist washable versions of the above, if you have a good washer/dryer and time, and live where water isn't in shortage.
10) You're going to make mistakes, it's fine.
Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?
#245For your first kid you will be so nervous about doing everything right. Everything will be sanitized and organic and over researched and helicopter parented.
Second kid is eating jellybeans off the floor.
Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?
#246I’ve been a dad for about five years now, and here are my thoughts:
1 - The little things matter more than you know. Yes, spending time with your kids is very important, but also the little things that you like to do, or your partner likes to do are also very important.
2 - You’re going to get frustrated over the smallest things, learn to take a breath and let it go. Realize it’s really just a journey, and to enjoy that journey, and all the messiness that comes from it.
3 - If you and / or your partner don’t actively lead or choose what you’re doing during the day. Your kid will choose for you. It’s going to be a struggle every day, but that’s just part of the game.
4 - Raise your kid the best you know how, the world needs more good people. The world needs more people that understand how to forgive instead of holding a grudge and getting offended at everything.
5 - Make sure they have some structure in their day, and what they learn, but make sure to go spend time being a kid with them because those imagined worlds are just as real to them as this world is to you.
Enjoy, breathe, relax, forgive, listen, lead.
Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?
#247Earlier quoted context omitted.
> If you choose no circumision, American pediatricians seem to have zero idea what to do. I got tag-teamed by the pediatrician and my wife, both suggesting I was some kind of monster for questioning the need for the circumcision.
Did you give in? I mentioned this in another post, but this is completely unfathomable for most parents outside of the US excepting Jews and Muslims. It's also a very weird phenomenon culturally: the fact that it is so common in the US (between 20% and 95% or something like that varying by US state) is a surprise to many outside of it — and conversely, that most cultures don't do this at all seems to surprise many Am…
> Did you give in?
I did. I've apologized to him (he's sixteen now) that I did back then. He understands, but agrees he would have been on my side of the argument.
Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?
#248To the extent possible, organize time. Lots of comments here about specific activities that I'd agree with, but, specially with kids, life can become complicated, and there is always something unexpected or pending. Decide what sort of activity should happen daily, weekly and monthly, so that needs are covered, to the extent possible, and expectations are clear. Very important for stability in general.
Activities don't have to be set in stone, and can change as needs change. I'd start with things like time for the child to be with each parent, time all together, time for the parents, time to get chores done, outside activities... Maybe the time with the child later splits into play time and read time, for example.
Having done this helps when later they ask for other things e.g. tv or videogame time, that need to be limited.
Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?
#249most is already sad.
My main take away now are. spend much time with your partner before birth! then be very aware of the nice and not so nice moments with your child in the first couple of years. The time will tik a lot lot lot faster if you have children.
and it doesn't get easier with the years and a second child. it gets a lot harder over time. just try to enjoy every little shit.
Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?
#250Every child is different but my experience is that being a technical nomad is fine for an adult but some kids can really do much better without moving around for work. It's my only regret.