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Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

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Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#241

Post by rbobby »

You could be suffering from major depression, aka clinical depression (maybe not... but some of what you said rings that warning bell for me). The crying in the shower is probably the biggest bell ringer for me.

I've known a couple of tech types (one dev, one a pm) that both found out that they were clinically depressed. They've both bounced back from it and are their old selves again.

Major depression is a serious medical issue and can happen to anyone... there's nothing to be ashamed of (and anyone who thinks otherwise is ignorant). Treatment is usually talk therapy and antidepressants (and usually some time away from work... expecting a sick person to be at work while they're undergoing treatment is plain wrong).

Googling "major depression" will show you lots of resources... but talking to your doctor about this is your first step (this can be tough... but you can do it). Don't put that off. Especially don't put that off due to worry about step 2 though N.

So... your 2 options are really 3: See a doctor!

Best of luck (and feel free to reach out and I'll offer what advice/help I can).

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#242

Post by sctb »

cantbecool wrote: post #158

I don't understand why you're being down voted. Most women can't handle adversity, especially if she doesn't work and relies on your income. Two relationships ended due to me losing my job and essentially coming clean saying I was depressed. In hindsight, they lost respect for me. People say you aren't your job, but psychologically it really is.

We detached this flagged subthread from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14420771.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#243

Post by jordanmoconnor »

Negitivefrags wrote: post #121

Do not talk to your wife. Talk to your best friend, talk to your parents, talk to a therapist, don't talk to your wife. Your wife loves you so if you say you are depressed, she will be understanding and let you lay in bed all day if you want. She will make meals for you, she will do the chores around the house because she wants to help you and you feel too tired to do those things. But depression will only get worse…

My wife would give me a good kick in the pants if I ever tried to slack off on my goals and dreams. I always go to her if I need some encouragement.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#244

Post by [deleted] »

joyeuse6701 wrote: post #234
ggggtez wrote: post #220

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>blow you till your head pops Gross. Please practice better analogies. Edit: and the implication that sexual favors are the way a wife can support her husband... Geez...

It may have been crude, but his example isn't wrong. On the contrary is it not the case that sexual activity is recommended by therapists for stress relief? Is he really implicating anything here or is this fitting a predetermined narrative you've conjured?

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#245

Post by openasocket »

joyeuse6701 wrote: post #234
ggggtez wrote: post #220

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>blow you till your head pops Gross. Please practice better analogies. Edit: and the implication that sexual favors are the way a wife can support her husband... Geez...

It may have been crude, but his example isn't wrong. On the contrary is it not the case that sexual activity is recommended by therapists for stress relief? Is he really implicating anything here or is this fitting a predetermined narrative you've conjured?

> is it not the case that sexual activity is recommended by therapists for stress relief?

No. Not it is not the case. No therapist would suggest sex for stress relief. While there is some evidence suggesting regular sex can reduce stress, it's on the same order of magnitude as exercise, getting enough sleep, eating right, etc. Using sex with your partner as some sort of stress release activity is really not healthy for the relationship.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#246

Post by Mz »

at-fates-hands wrote: post #135
cosinetau wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're describing an enabler. We're talking about his wife.

Most co-dependency relationships are those in your immediate family. source: had a father who was an alcoholic and had to learn this myself.

In addition to what other people are saying, a marital relationship typically starts between adults. We all have a back story and everyone has some kind of baggage, but a marriage is fundamentally different from a parent-child relationship in terms of power dynamics. An abused child has zero real alternative but to cope as best they can with what the parent is doing to them. Marriage is a bit more complicated than that.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#247

Post by karmajunkie »

contingencies wrote: post #187
karmajunkie wrote: post #96

This sounds like a fairly classic case of burnout, which you've probably gathered from reading the other comments here. There's good news and bad news in that. On the good news: there are some short-term fixes you can pursue that will probably help a lot. * Antidepressants, while I don't think they're a long-term solution for anybody with exogenous depression (i.e. you're not someone with a chemical imbalance in your…

Stay away from antidepressants. At least research heavily before considering this path - they have really bad side affects including addiction.

Or, you know, go to an accredited medical professional instead of taking medical advice from randos on HN. Incidentally, a side effect of depression is also addiction.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#249

Post by akeating »

I wonder whether you know how to nurture leaders under you and how to delegate effectively? Many founders are relatively inexperienced and I understand this might not be the case for you. But if it sounds like something that resonates, consider reaching out to a mentor who can help with this. With an exit on the horizon, there's an end-game. It's likely the acquirer would anticipate you would leave anyway. You might start a dialog about building the skills of a replacement, you know, if you get hit by a bus, wink wink.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#250

Post by Oxitendwe »

jaxomlotus wrote: post #190
cheez wrote: post #184

> First, talk this over with your wife. She deserves to know what's going on with you and you need her counsel and strength. Only if she's the type. Many women, for better or worse, will NOT be happy to hear this and will silently freak out, assuming the worst.

That's ridiculous. 1) that's an idiotic stereotype. Men and women both will react in similar ways. 2) Doesn't make a difference what "type" of person she is. They are married and she has every right to know (and voice her opinion on) if a big part of their financial future will be impacted by him feeling burned out. Hopefully she'll be supportive, but either way she deserves to know the truth.

>1) that's an idiotic stereotype. Men and women both will react in similar ways.

Do you say this from a position of experience and authority on this subject (i.e., you know that it is false because you yourself have experience with seeing how different people react to news like that), or do you disagree just because such statements conflict with your value system?

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