Ask HN: 50 job applications, 15 interviews, 7 onsites, and no offer – what next?

The analogy isn't perfect, of course, but I only think interviewing and dating are similar in some ways, not all ways, and they aren't the same thing. Of course.

It's true that business is about finances and not bonding, and there are definitely times where it's best to keep that abundantly clear, I think you add a good perspective.

It's also true that I have declined to hire some people primarily due to their negative attitude and declared lack of interest in the company or the job they're applying for, and I know others who've made exactly the same call. I also screwed up a job interview once by being overtly disinterested, and regretted it and it stuck with me.

So, we can certainly disagree about how it's characterized, I don't mind what we call it, but it's still true that coming to a job interview disinterested or only as a self-interested financial arrangement is less likely to score you the job you want.

I can say from personal experience that starting a company truly is similar in many ways to getting married, with all the trials and tribulations. To come to that relationship primarily as a self-interested party simply may not functionally work at all, and it's certainly very common for business partners to be mutually emotionally invested.

Having interviewed some people recently for a more co-founder type of position, the process was more literally like dating than any engineer hiring I did before. People were in fact looking for a personality match, and requested that I take personality tests to validate that. People do look for an alignment of vision, and do evaluate me on the basis that we'll be spending a lot of time together should we pair up. We talked business too, but the evaluation of common goals and personality match, general likability, work ethic, goals and dreams for the future, these things were the primary traits I was judged by, not my technical skills, and not the financial equation. And not by my ass either, so yes, it's not dating, but it was surprisingly close. ;)

(Accent yes, but no one has asked me to repeat anything in many years. In recent times folks have asked me if I was born in the US. So let's get that out of the way)

Ok, what is the one weird trick. Its actually two.

1. Know yourself: I wasn't really into software engineering, I was a scientist, and I really wanted to get into SE because those jobs were more abundant, esply when you are junior you can't crack into the scientist job unless you have a Phd - I dropped out. When I am at an interview, I couldn't help but convey that deep down I really didn't want this job. This will show, you could pretend on the phone, its harder when in person. Folks still do it, I couldn't. Understand who you are, and that you really want this job, you are hungry for it. Go ahead and show it, let them feel your animal energy! For all his faults, and almost all of his person is a fault, the current US president has "raw animal energy” (RAE), which people like, love even. You can get a job you are not even qualified for by just having this RAE. So get to know some of that in your own personality.

2. Dude(or girl) I can't stress this second point enough. One of the biggest things that is different about Indian culture is this. In India if you are confident and know a lot - you are trained to show that power by being Quiet. Silent. Calm. This is the case with many cultures. It is not however the case with American business culture. Please read my point above about bringing out your animal awesomeness. In the US, I don't know how else to say this: being bombastic is what will pass for confidence. (Bombastic from an Indian perspective, of course it is just awesomeness from the American perspective). Show your energy, jump around. I know, it will be very unnatural if you are new to it. So I’d recommend acting classes like some of the other comments, but I didn’t take any. I was able to channel my inner panda by just being aware of this problem.

Think of your personality itself as having an accent. It is not a crime to have an accent, but if you can tone it down, it helps everyone involved. This is what you need to do. You have to not only be confident, you have also to convey it effectively in the language of the culture you are in.