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Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#231

Post by sersi »

dchichkov wrote: post #203
ozim wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Gorilla in the room are other f*ng parents. You can prevent as much as you want but then kids go to school nd everyone else has accounts they should not have or devices they should not have and your kids are angry at you because now you are the bad guy.

Another Gorilla is the schools, teachers and state-approved recommendations, that extend their reach even into private schools. Imagine my frustration one day, when I've discovered that my kindergartner has full access to a brand-new, shiny iPad during class. Despite complaints from parents, the teacher refused to reduce iPad usage (or even activate Screen Distance and Screen Time controls on the iPad, or share usage…

We specifically decided against the school that was closest to us because they give iPads in first grade. Even if the school is good, convenient and very well ranked, I don't want my kid to have a tablet until much later. I despise tablets because of the focus on consumption versus tinkering and creation and I think it's a distraction in a classroom that shouldn't be there.

I do give my son access to a computer but it's a based on misterfpga running the amiga core. Set up in such a way that he can explore and discover how things work from a time when computers were still relatively open.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#232

Post by jzer0cool »

thijson wrote: post #205
jzer0cool wrote: post #179

We can maybe borrow from some past generational issues, but it seems old forms of media and societal problems are growing worse (e.g bullying, self-esteem, harmful cliques, peer-pressure, etc), or are certain areas getting better (e.g. respecting different cultures and differences, etc.) 1990's: TV, Games (e.g. consoles), ... 2000's: Internet, TV, Games, ... 2010's: Social Media, Games, Streaming Content, ... 2020's:…

It's been a challenge to me to figure out what's too much. If you let them, they will spend hours watching YouTube shorts, or tiktoks. I've removed YouTube from our TV for that reason. Also the devices are locked down using Google family, plus the screen pin code is only known by the parents. One of the most wholesome digital experiences I've seen is setting up a Minecraft server, and watching the kids have a build b…

It is usually some 'set hours' of device time?

Also, wondering what was meant by wholesome digital experience (positive?) in going through setting up a server with your kids?

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#234

Post by iforgot22 »

rachofsunshine wrote: post #209
lolinder wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The best thing my parents ever did for me was cultivate a sense of familial superiority. Other families had the TV on all the time, but we read books instead because we were 'better'. Other kids did drugs and drank, but we were better than that. Peer pressure didn't have much of an impact on me because I was raised to believe that I was better than 'that' for most values of 'that'. And my parents never had to force m…

My family did this too. It did make me a condescending asshole, but worse than that, it taught me to be paralyzingly afraid of doing The Wrong Thing. Did it protect me from driving drunk when I was in college? Yeah, but it also "protected" me from having a healthy social life because I couldn't engage with any sort of normal behavior. Did it protect me from getting on drugs? Yeah, but it also "protected" me from gett…

It worked for me. The one negative side effect was a bit of arrogance, which I actively worked on in college. It was also crucial to figure out that some kids were better than me, and it was better to hang around them.

There was also an "everybody has problems" support group at school that they kept encouraging us to join, but I said nah, I don't have problems. Most of the kids in that group ended up with depression.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#235

Post by mc3301 »

Benjamin_Dobell wrote: post #158
ryandrake wrote: post #121

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> 2. The gorilla in the room is that most adults can barely handle online media. I think this is the huge one. Kids can spot hypocrisy easily. You can't convince a kid to not get addicted to social media if you yourself are addicted. Just like children of smokers know their smoking parents telling them not to smoke are full of shit. I do it by 1. not using social media and 2. when I do use my phone, set a good exampl…

> Just like children of smokers know their smoking parents telling them not to smoke are full of shit. Wait. Surely these aren't the same. My dad smoked and always told us he'd kick our ass if we started smoking. From as young as I can remember, I understood it was bad and that he was addicted, he had tried, and would continue to try to quit numerous times. He didn't often smoke in front of us when we were young. He…

Just a thought: watching a parent leave to have a cigarette outside or something, from a child's perspective, isn't hugely damaging. The kid can't understand addiction nor lung cancer (and so on), so the kid's perception of "smoking = bad" is mostly only on how the kid themself feels.

With a phone, the kid can fell ignored, unheard, unengaged with the addicted parent for hours at a time, every single day.

Maybe kids will grow up thinking "hey, I don't wanna be a phone zombie like my daddy was," or something.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#236

Post by orochimaaru »

It all depends on their peer group and their nature. I have one who doesn’t even like to be photographed. That one I have no problem with - there’s no way she’s posting stuff about herself. Also, I’ve told her stuff on the web lasts for ever. She doesn’t do social media but only private iMessage groups with friends.

The younger sister is a “social butterfly” and wants to create “a lot of content”. Luckily she’s in a school program that keeps her real busy. So we haven’t had to deal with it yet.

In short, kids understand when you tell them and more importantly you yourself keep off these apps. If you’re on there all the time, there is no way you’re convincing your child to not be on.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#237

Post by sersi »

SoftTalker wrote: post #115
qwerpy wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I used to judge parents who resorted to tablets to keep their children quiet. I don't really anymore. You don't know how exhausted the parents might be or how many hours they've already spent trying to entertain their kids in a more wholesome manner. I've taken a 2 year old on vacation and some of that time is spent going to unique restaurants that take a couple of hours for a meal. My toddler would get bored and squ…

Yeah don't take a 2-year-old to a dinner like that. Do it later, when they are old enough to sit through it or get a sitter. It's only a few years when they are this needy. You'll survive without exotic vacations and fancy restaurants for that time.

We live in HK where it's part of the culture to have restaurant meals with family from an early age. We started bringing him weekly around 4 months old. At least our son got quickly used to it and it's the same for a lot of our friends. They can handle 2 hours dinner without tablets...

I think it's culture dependent and maybe the fact that in most cases the food is in shared in the middle of the table makes it more engaging?

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#238

Post by tokioyoyo »

NoMoreNicksLeft wrote: post #206
AstralStorm wrote: post #122

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Congratulations, you're raising future disgruntled outcast class of people who are not integrated with the society. The next step is some canny asshole will take advantage of these people by selling them on their superiority or offering community, and radicalize them. It's happened many times.

>ongratulations, you're raising future disgruntled outcast class of people who are not integrated with the society. This society is dying, nearly dead. Anyone who is integrated with it will die by extension. Only lunatics would want to be integrated with it. This society can't even be bothered to make more humans so that it can continue into the future... it wants to be dead. My children aren't outcast, they have fri…

Society is really fine! I live among millions of people every day, and people are genuinely kind and nice on average. It's up to you how you want to perceive the world, but I wouldn't want my neighbours to ever think people around them are lunatics and etc.

I understand you're coming from a very American-specific point of view, which is very hard for me to comprehend. Growing up, I absolutely never had to worry (and now as well) about any of those topics. Even my nephews in public schools (US) are doing pretty decent maths stuff. I do think some of the things you've mentioned are mostly imaginary problems, but I can be wrong.

I'm not special. You're not special either. Nobody's really special. Yet we find ways to sit down, have a drink, go for a drive, or have sex from time to time. That being said, I have quite a few friends who had very restricted childhoods, and would never want my children to feel the same resentment as they do during our hang outs.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#239

Post by mc3301 »

kridsdale1 wrote: post #136
tylerc230 wrote: post #76

A lot of parents at our school signed a “wait until 8” pledge to wait until 8th grade before getting them smartphones. This way there will be less social pressure from their friends to be connected. My assumption is that without a smartphone they won’t use social media.

Meanwhile I spent every minute of free time from 2000-2005 using phpbb, irc, and aim, on a big CRT and PC

none of those were specifically engineered with the attention-economy in mind.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#240

Post by mc3301 »

iforgot22 wrote: post #223

Having kids in the near future. Wife and I agreed to "just say no" until they're 17 or 18. We've also decided it's important to lead by example. I assume that any adult saying "kids need social media to not get bullied" or "we can't tell them no" is using it heavily themselves. We could be wrong, but we'll see.

At a young age, have strict rules. Example: they can watch stuff on a phone/tablet only at the doctors or at an airport (or on a plane.) That works for us.

Let them watch something in the car only ONCE, and they'll be sure to remind you that "watching in the car is ok."

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